close to home...

This week has been quite a whirlwind...

Coming off last Friday and the great news of no more steroids Camryn has been doing fabulously! Honestly it is wonderful to see her off those awful, yet helpful things. Camryn is really doing well, and where she is concerned February is looking up! We are still battling through some insurance issues mainly with Camryn's meds and working through brand name versus generic issues. Slowly but surely it is getting figured out and we are thankful.

Next Tuesday will mark a year since Camryn's official relapse, probably don't need to tell you that it is surreal to almost be at a year. It is hard to realize that in this past year what has transpired...but, we are thankful and I'm sure at some point there is a post worthy of the transformation of a year.

But really what has marked this week is extremely heavy on my heart...I have mentioned before about my aunt who has leukemia. Two weeks ago she had a bone marrow aspiration and got the results this Wednesday. It appears that she has suffered a relapse and at this point has three options for treatment. My parents, my sister and I are going to travel up north this weekend to go visit with my aunt, my uncle and cousins.

It goes without saying that this relapse is hitting far too close to home.

Next Tuesday the word relapse echoed in our hearts and now Camryn is doing well...

This past Wednesday the word relapse echoed in our hearts and now I'm not sure how to deal with the heart-break.

Honestly, I hate the word leukemia...I hate all that it represents, I hate what it steals, what it robs us of. I just hate that in so many ways it just feels so unfair.

My aunt means the world to me...she watched me when I was little while my mom worked before I went to school. I spend many a day enjoying life with her and in so many ways she was more like a "grandma" than an aunt. She has loved me well and I in turn adore her. I really don't know what to expect of this weekend, but I do know on some level it will be about saying a good-bye of sorts. I struggle deeply with good-byes, but this one feels as though it will crush my heart in two. There are so many things I would love to say and so many things I am truly thankful for...guess I just wish these weren't the circumstances that my family finds ourselves.

Yet in all of this I know that the Lord is carrying us through...it's been a rough week. Trying to keep my emotions in check and trying to have hope in the midst of circumstances that just hurt.

Knowing that the Lord has not said the last word...that in His amazing love and care He holds us still. February is a struggle for me...

But oh I cling to the One who holds all our days in His hands...

Trusting.Believing.Hoping