i knew the calendar would not forget...
06.04.13 marked four years post-transplant for our survivor and her donor! woohoo!!!
unbelievable that cam's conquered for years and here's hoping for a million more!
love ya cam...
love ya wy...
yep, not a day goes by that i don't thank the lord for the wonder of your both. we love you to the moon and back, always.
you both are the megaphones in our life telling us that God isn't finished writing our family's story. thank you for being the reminder of how good God is...even in the midst of the storm.
love you. xoxo
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
heavy heart...
some days the world we knew at ucla meets the world we know now and the collision can be an emotional mess...
when camryn relapsed and we were going to ucla every monday - friday for 8 weeks we came to be friends with a six-year-old boy d and his momma j. as camryn and d would chat about the shows they were watching i found a common thread with j and it was so wonderful.
their family had been walking this journey a long time...d had relapsed too...they were scared, frightened of what the future might hold. we talked about treatments, radiation, doctors, school, and everything in between. j and i became friends over many an hour in the procedure center.
in fact one of my most telling moments as a mom of a child with cancer came with j. camryn and d had finished treatment at the same time so we left the procedure center together, rode the elevator all the while watching the two of them laugh and play...it was good for our hearts. as we were walking through the lobby a lady said, "look at that little boy, how sad..." you see d had the notorious bald head of a cancer child...but, camryn did not, she looked "healthy". this moment always stuck with me about cancer children...no one truly knows how sick they are by looking at the outside.
after we moved through transplant and now almost four years past that point j and i are FB friends, we would send messages now and then. i would check their blog for updates on d and pray that someday he'd be healed.
well, today he is healed...in the arms of Jesus.
d passed away this morning after brain tumors relentlessly attacked his mind over and over. it has been a long hard struggle for d's family...my heart aches for them. their life was d and his fight and now they have to try to put the pieces back together.
i love d...i love j. they met me at a time when i needed them most and i thank the lord they were there.
i am sad. sad for all that cancer robs people of. sad that d did not make it to his birthday this weekend. sad that there is a mom who has devoted much of her life the past four years fighting, advocating, and caring for her son.
and really...i struggle with the reality of camryn's cancer all over. it all just hits so close to home and there are no words to suffice.
but, i lean into the One who knows. i've cried tears and i've smiled. all the while leaning into Jesus believing, hoping that He will carry j through.
until then...
when camryn relapsed and we were going to ucla every monday - friday for 8 weeks we came to be friends with a six-year-old boy d and his momma j. as camryn and d would chat about the shows they were watching i found a common thread with j and it was so wonderful.
their family had been walking this journey a long time...d had relapsed too...they were scared, frightened of what the future might hold. we talked about treatments, radiation, doctors, school, and everything in between. j and i became friends over many an hour in the procedure center.
in fact one of my most telling moments as a mom of a child with cancer came with j. camryn and d had finished treatment at the same time so we left the procedure center together, rode the elevator all the while watching the two of them laugh and play...it was good for our hearts. as we were walking through the lobby a lady said, "look at that little boy, how sad..." you see d had the notorious bald head of a cancer child...but, camryn did not, she looked "healthy". this moment always stuck with me about cancer children...no one truly knows how sick they are by looking at the outside.
after we moved through transplant and now almost four years past that point j and i are FB friends, we would send messages now and then. i would check their blog for updates on d and pray that someday he'd be healed.
well, today he is healed...in the arms of Jesus.
d passed away this morning after brain tumors relentlessly attacked his mind over and over. it has been a long hard struggle for d's family...my heart aches for them. their life was d and his fight and now they have to try to put the pieces back together.
i love d...i love j. they met me at a time when i needed them most and i thank the lord they were there.
i am sad. sad for all that cancer robs people of. sad that d did not make it to his birthday this weekend. sad that there is a mom who has devoted much of her life the past four years fighting, advocating, and caring for her son.
and really...i struggle with the reality of camryn's cancer all over. it all just hits so close to home and there are no words to suffice.
but, i lean into the One who knows. i've cried tears and i've smiled. all the while leaning into Jesus believing, hoping that He will carry j through.
until then...
Monday, May 13, 2013
the one where...
if you are anything like me you lived the late 90's, 2000's glued to the television on thursday nights to watch f.r.i.e.n.d.s. and you know they titled every episode "the one where..."
anyways...last monday i met wyatt at his classroom to say hi, get his backpack, and send him off to mathletes. he complained that his ear was hurting and i thought that was odd, no other symptoms of an ear ache. no fever, no runny rose, nothin'. like a good mom i asked the questions trying to assess the situation (a.k.a. was he trying to get out of mathletes). finally, he says, "mom, i have an eraser in my ear." no.joke. i was surprised, shocked, and when i looked in his ear and saw a piece of something pushed way back i thought "oh my goodness...what in the world!"
i quickly thought and called his doctor while we walked to the nurses office...maybe the nurse can help us. the nurse confirmed it was in there deep and he'd have to go to the doctor. thankfully, his doctor said bring him in...i was so glad a trip to the ER had been avoided. seriously, what level of triage is an eraser in the ear...this coming from the mom of a childhood cancer survivor knowing how to play the ER card in her favor.
we drove to the doctor, all the while camryn giving wyatt the what for in the backseat because she was bitter that she was not going to get to go to the book fair. yes, we have some work to do on being concerned about her brother. i guess she sort of knew that an eraser in the ear was not the end of the world by her standards.
nonetheless...
we waited at the doctor's office and finally got to see dr.k. i was proud of wyatt who answered dr.k's questions like the six-and-a-half-year-old he is. she took one look and said, "i think i can get it!" woohoo...no ER for us! dr.k with the help of a nice med student got the eraser out of wyatt's ear, and let me say it was no small piece. seriously, this kid had a hunk of eraser in his ear.
as we were leaving the doctor's office wyatt says, "you know mom it really was hurting me, but i can take it." seriously, this kid of mine and his perspective on medical issues.
we got in the car drove home and camryn the whole time was saying she was so happy her brother was okay, that she was sorry she was being selfish, and she really didn't want him to have to go to ucla.
here's the irony...wyatt asked if dr.k couldn't see him could he go to ucla and see dr.m (camryn's oncologist) because dr.m takes great care of camryn and she had leukemia so he can take care of him. seriously?
sometimes i just smile at my children's perspective on life...no medical issue seems all that serious. that is unless it warrants a trip to ucla. i guess ucla means it is bad, really bad...but, yet my children find extreme comfort there.
well, tragedy avoided...all is okay. and i was thankful that once again we were taken sweet care of by dr.k. love her.
so, it was the one where wyatt got an eraser stuck in his ear. ;)
anyways...last monday i met wyatt at his classroom to say hi, get his backpack, and send him off to mathletes. he complained that his ear was hurting and i thought that was odd, no other symptoms of an ear ache. no fever, no runny rose, nothin'. like a good mom i asked the questions trying to assess the situation (a.k.a. was he trying to get out of mathletes). finally, he says, "mom, i have an eraser in my ear." no.joke. i was surprised, shocked, and when i looked in his ear and saw a piece of something pushed way back i thought "oh my goodness...what in the world!"
i quickly thought and called his doctor while we walked to the nurses office...maybe the nurse can help us. the nurse confirmed it was in there deep and he'd have to go to the doctor. thankfully, his doctor said bring him in...i was so glad a trip to the ER had been avoided. seriously, what level of triage is an eraser in the ear...this coming from the mom of a childhood cancer survivor knowing how to play the ER card in her favor.
we drove to the doctor, all the while camryn giving wyatt the what for in the backseat because she was bitter that she was not going to get to go to the book fair. yes, we have some work to do on being concerned about her brother. i guess she sort of knew that an eraser in the ear was not the end of the world by her standards.
nonetheless...
we waited at the doctor's office and finally got to see dr.k. i was proud of wyatt who answered dr.k's questions like the six-and-a-half-year-old he is. she took one look and said, "i think i can get it!" woohoo...no ER for us! dr.k with the help of a nice med student got the eraser out of wyatt's ear, and let me say it was no small piece. seriously, this kid had a hunk of eraser in his ear.
as we were leaving the doctor's office wyatt says, "you know mom it really was hurting me, but i can take it." seriously, this kid of mine and his perspective on medical issues.
we got in the car drove home and camryn the whole time was saying she was so happy her brother was okay, that she was sorry she was being selfish, and she really didn't want him to have to go to ucla.
here's the irony...wyatt asked if dr.k couldn't see him could he go to ucla and see dr.m (camryn's oncologist) because dr.m takes great care of camryn and she had leukemia so he can take care of him. seriously?
sometimes i just smile at my children's perspective on life...no medical issue seems all that serious. that is unless it warrants a trip to ucla. i guess ucla means it is bad, really bad...but, yet my children find extreme comfort there.
well, tragedy avoided...all is okay. and i was thankful that once again we were taken sweet care of by dr.k. love her.
so, it was the one where wyatt got an eraser stuck in his ear. ;)
Sunday, May 5, 2013
may...
life seems to be passing me by at a frantic pace...honestly, i'm not sure where are days are going, but when i look at the calendar they are surely going somewhere.
here's a bullet list update on life:
* wyatt's been playing baseball and doing really well, he loves it! he mostly plays second base which is his favorite, as he told one of his coaches, "i like playing second, it has more action!" ha! he's enjoying it immensely, and for being the youngest on his team (and by far the littlest) he is holding his own and doing really well. we are so proud of him! he also has been involved with the kids choir at church. at first he refused to be a part of the program, but with some urging from his sister and his cousin he decided to join the fun. he sang in the choir and did great, so proud of him for doing something completely outside his comfort zone! far as school he is doing fantastic! first grade has been a terrific year for him and he has grown so much it's amazing. he is very excited this week as it's open house and his class has baby chicks...fun times in 1st grade. he also graduated from speech therapy this past week...yay! he has mastered his "R" sound and is doing really well, so thankful he did so well with ms. pat...what a blessing! wyatt has been doing lots and lots these days...but, really we just so enjoy our boy and his love of life. he's a treasure.
* camryn is doing super well! health wise she is doing great, holding her own and just living life as a normal 9 year old would...it's a blessing for sure. she fights some sinus issues, but that's always been an issue. really, for all that could be we are so thankful for her daily health and life...a gift beyond measure. she auditioned for a speaking part in the kids musical at church, she got the part of rachel and has thoroughly enjoyed it! we've been hard pressed to find something for camryn to do, and excel at...physical stuff isn't such her strength so this seemed to be a great fit. the performance was this weekend and she did GREAT!! she knew her lines, sang her songs, and just did so well...really, she's an artsy fartsy for sure! we are going to look into a drama performing arts camp this summer...it's something she loves and it fits her well. school has been going really well, she made honor roll 3rd quarter! woohoo! we were so proud! when camryn's doctors told us to watch and see if we notice any delays or learning issues we are happy to say nope...she excels at school and does her best. at times i have stop and just watch her on the playground or walking with her friends, camryn's living the life she's always longed for to the fullest! we love our girl so incredibly much, so grateful for her.
* jason is working hard these days, only a few more weeks of school and then he'll be on vacation! this year has gone quickly, but not without lausd drama. we are thankful for his job, but sometimes we could do without all the drama that swirls around. he's started playing men's softball again, an every year tradition...his friday nights will be at the field. he stepped in to the manager job for wyatt's team...long story short jason is the head coach. it doesn't seem like a lot, but really 2 practices and 2 games a week make for a very busy week for him and wy...but the time they spend together is priceless. i love watching them...it does my heart well to watch jay take such great care of his wy guy.
* i'm busily finishing up graduate school...june 15th is the day! woohoo...i can feel it coming, and i cannot wait. there are four weeks left in my teaching life and it's going well...thankful for my students for another year has come and gone and i've learned much from them. i spend a lot of time taxiing kids around and trying to get laundry done in time for the next event. i wouldn't have it any other way...my life is full, very full. i am thankful for all that the lord keeps reminding me of and all that he teaches me daily. i am grateful for summer coming and a time to take a break and enjoy the lazy days. life is busy...but, i savor the moments when it's still and quiet!
all in all us four mikels are doing well...
ready to start the countdown until school's out!!!
here's a bullet list update on life:
* wyatt's been playing baseball and doing really well, he loves it! he mostly plays second base which is his favorite, as he told one of his coaches, "i like playing second, it has more action!" ha! he's enjoying it immensely, and for being the youngest on his team (and by far the littlest) he is holding his own and doing really well. we are so proud of him! he also has been involved with the kids choir at church. at first he refused to be a part of the program, but with some urging from his sister and his cousin he decided to join the fun. he sang in the choir and did great, so proud of him for doing something completely outside his comfort zone! far as school he is doing fantastic! first grade has been a terrific year for him and he has grown so much it's amazing. he is very excited this week as it's open house and his class has baby chicks...fun times in 1st grade. he also graduated from speech therapy this past week...yay! he has mastered his "R" sound and is doing really well, so thankful he did so well with ms. pat...what a blessing! wyatt has been doing lots and lots these days...but, really we just so enjoy our boy and his love of life. he's a treasure.
* camryn is doing super well! health wise she is doing great, holding her own and just living life as a normal 9 year old would...it's a blessing for sure. she fights some sinus issues, but that's always been an issue. really, for all that could be we are so thankful for her daily health and life...a gift beyond measure. she auditioned for a speaking part in the kids musical at church, she got the part of rachel and has thoroughly enjoyed it! we've been hard pressed to find something for camryn to do, and excel at...physical stuff isn't such her strength so this seemed to be a great fit. the performance was this weekend and she did GREAT!! she knew her lines, sang her songs, and just did so well...really, she's an artsy fartsy for sure! we are going to look into a drama performing arts camp this summer...it's something she loves and it fits her well. school has been going really well, she made honor roll 3rd quarter! woohoo! we were so proud! when camryn's doctors told us to watch and see if we notice any delays or learning issues we are happy to say nope...she excels at school and does her best. at times i have stop and just watch her on the playground or walking with her friends, camryn's living the life she's always longed for to the fullest! we love our girl so incredibly much, so grateful for her.
* jason is working hard these days, only a few more weeks of school and then he'll be on vacation! this year has gone quickly, but not without lausd drama. we are thankful for his job, but sometimes we could do without all the drama that swirls around. he's started playing men's softball again, an every year tradition...his friday nights will be at the field. he stepped in to the manager job for wyatt's team...long story short jason is the head coach. it doesn't seem like a lot, but really 2 practices and 2 games a week make for a very busy week for him and wy...but the time they spend together is priceless. i love watching them...it does my heart well to watch jay take such great care of his wy guy.
* i'm busily finishing up graduate school...june 15th is the day! woohoo...i can feel it coming, and i cannot wait. there are four weeks left in my teaching life and it's going well...thankful for my students for another year has come and gone and i've learned much from them. i spend a lot of time taxiing kids around and trying to get laundry done in time for the next event. i wouldn't have it any other way...my life is full, very full. i am thankful for all that the lord keeps reminding me of and all that he teaches me daily. i am grateful for summer coming and a time to take a break and enjoy the lazy days. life is busy...but, i savor the moments when it's still and quiet!
all in all us four mikels are doing well...
ready to start the countdown until school's out!!!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
momma's away...
i don't travel much, really i'm not much of a traveler. and when i do travel i travel with jason, and the kids in tow...so, to travel without them makes my heart a bit anxious.
this tuesday i leave with fifty-four 8th grade students on their class trip...we're headed to the South. Memphis, Birmingham, Montgomery, and Atlanta to be exact. i'm excited for the trip, as i've been the coordinator and leader and to finally see it here makes me happy. i'm not a travel agent, so to coordinate a trip of this magnitude has been a bit out of my comfort zone.
i'm excited...but, i'm very nervous. i'd appreciate your prayers as we travel, it'll be a whole new experience and i'm anticipating it'll be fabulous.
but, momma's away...so, i've made jason a sheet of what to do. oh, they'll be fine it's more for the assurance of my own heart. :)
hopefully, all will go smoothly and we'll be on our way to memphis on tuesday and on our way home from atlanta on saturday.
until then...
this tuesday i leave with fifty-four 8th grade students on their class trip...we're headed to the South. Memphis, Birmingham, Montgomery, and Atlanta to be exact. i'm excited for the trip, as i've been the coordinator and leader and to finally see it here makes me happy. i'm not a travel agent, so to coordinate a trip of this magnitude has been a bit out of my comfort zone.
i'm excited...but, i'm very nervous. i'd appreciate your prayers as we travel, it'll be a whole new experience and i'm anticipating it'll be fabulous.
but, momma's away...so, i've made jason a sheet of what to do. oh, they'll be fine it's more for the assurance of my own heart. :)
hopefully, all will go smoothly and we'll be on our way to memphis on tuesday and on our way home from atlanta on saturday.
until then...
Thursday, April 11, 2013
nine...
happy birthday camryn lee...
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| you fill our hearts in ways only you can |
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| you give us hope... that god's not finished with your story |
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| you fight a foe that never played fair and are winning |
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| you are beautiful |
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| you are sweet, fun, talented, creative and simply the best |
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| we thank jesus for blessing our lives nine years ago with such a sweet baby girl we are blessed to be your mommy & daddy blessed by what you have taught us about life blessed to have stood by your side while you fought the fight of your life blessed to watch you grow, learn, and love blessed to call you our cam blessed to spend these moments with you as they are a gift you are our hero. you are a daily reminder that jesus does big things you are the god's megaphone in our lives saying over and over "god is good" you are a miracle. you challenge us to live.love.hope.believe. no story ends...and your nine years have been the most unbelievable we cannot wait to see where the next one leads... love you sunshine. love you to the moon and back. forever.always. ~ mommy & daddy xoxo love you cam...you're the best big sister in the world. you are my best friend. you are my favorite person in the world. love you, your lil brother wy  |
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
breathing deeply...
i heart the springtime. i absolutely love the renewed sense of life it brings. i adore easter vacation, the spring break.
this week me and the kids are enjoying our break, a time to just call a time out on life as we know it and enjoy a little bit of life as we love it.
i don't have a lot planned, intentionally so...sometimes i feel that while i'm busy trying to find things to fill our time, the time has passed. so, this week we are just being.
today the kids spent the day with my parents, it was wonderful. i went to breakfast with a dear friend, which was a treat. ran some errands. cleaned, organized, and really just had time for me. it was good therapy.
while i love this time of year...memories lurk.
camryn will be nine this year. how is that possible?!?! but, with her birthday comes a wave of emotions that by now i should really learn to anticipate, but i don't. they caught me today...
as i was cleaning out the kids' homework papers, bookshelf, and all things school...it caught me. the feeling that camryn's birthday always brings...didn't know if we'd get these days.
if i'm brutally honest with myself i had packed camryn's birthday away in the do not dream category...do not plan, do not hope, just let it be. some years i wonder if this is the last birthday (i know that's just an awful thought), but i'm being brutally honest. some years i wonder how it will be to watch her grow older and know that there will be many hard conversations to come over her health and just the stupid side effects that she will navigate for her entire life.
and yet...
most of the time i find myself in the land of the living ever so thankful for camryn's life. the life that she daily lives to fullest. and in those moments i breath deeply...
i breath in those moments to help me through the darker ones...
because the darkness comes. i'd love to say that where camryn is concerned i just bask in the glory of it all and rest securely in my lord's arms, but sometimes i don't. and when i don't the darkness feels as though it will swallow me whole.
tonight is one of those moments when i'm striving towards the light of the lord's glory...knowing that He is good. He always was.is.and will be.
and tonight i'll breath that truth deeply.
this week me and the kids are enjoying our break, a time to just call a time out on life as we know it and enjoy a little bit of life as we love it.
i don't have a lot planned, intentionally so...sometimes i feel that while i'm busy trying to find things to fill our time, the time has passed. so, this week we are just being.
today the kids spent the day with my parents, it was wonderful. i went to breakfast with a dear friend, which was a treat. ran some errands. cleaned, organized, and really just had time for me. it was good therapy.
while i love this time of year...memories lurk.
camryn will be nine this year. how is that possible?!?! but, with her birthday comes a wave of emotions that by now i should really learn to anticipate, but i don't. they caught me today...
as i was cleaning out the kids' homework papers, bookshelf, and all things school...it caught me. the feeling that camryn's birthday always brings...didn't know if we'd get these days.
if i'm brutally honest with myself i had packed camryn's birthday away in the do not dream category...do not plan, do not hope, just let it be. some years i wonder if this is the last birthday (i know that's just an awful thought), but i'm being brutally honest. some years i wonder how it will be to watch her grow older and know that there will be many hard conversations to come over her health and just the stupid side effects that she will navigate for her entire life.
and yet...
most of the time i find myself in the land of the living ever so thankful for camryn's life. the life that she daily lives to fullest. and in those moments i breath deeply...
i breath in those moments to help me through the darker ones...
because the darkness comes. i'd love to say that where camryn is concerned i just bask in the glory of it all and rest securely in my lord's arms, but sometimes i don't. and when i don't the darkness feels as though it will swallow me whole.
tonight is one of those moments when i'm striving towards the light of the lord's glory...knowing that He is good. He always was.is.and will be.
and tonight i'll breath that truth deeply.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
a little bit of simple...
life this weekend has the feel of a slower pace and it is wonderful.
friday was my birthday...another year closer to forty. yikes! anyways, the kids had a sleep over at church so jason and i went to dinner and did a little bday shopping.
it was fantastic!
don't get me wrong i adore my kids, but sometimes it is just fabulous to
shop without the whine and groan as mommy is trying things on.
and the best part...
sleeping in on saturday morning, awwww...sweet simplicity.
saturday, wyatt had a baseball game...another fun spring tradition. wyatt is doing well, it's an adjustment playing farm and he's trying to adjust to the speed and playing at a higher level. he's doing great, and really i could care less if they win or lose...just as long as our boy is having fun. really, at 6 isn't that what counts? :)
that evening we went to dinner with my family for my birthday...it was great to see my niece who is home from college and just hang out with my family. then home to watch some college basketball...yep, my family knows me well.
today, well today has been a whole not of nothing and it is perfection. our pace throughout the week is fairly frantic, we've got lots going on and it is hard at times throughout the week to find a bit of peace. today's been that sort of day. laundry is getting done, lots of basketball is being watched, a little almost nine year olds birthday party is being planned, and kids are playing outside...it's a beautiful. wonderful. day.
it's days like this that help me through when i have my not so great days. the past couple weeks have been hard. everything is fine, but some of the lasting effects of cancer are rearing their ugly heads and i'm frustrated. but, it's days like this when the lord gently reminds me that there is much joy to be found...
in the simplicity of it all.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
{eleven}
friday marked our eleventh anniversary. wow, eleven years.
sometimes i feel like time has flown by...and in other ways i feel like we've walked a thousand miles in a thousand years.
when i stop to consider that only four of those years were marked by being parents of a child with cancer i find it hard to believe. we have only navigated four years without the realities of leukemia in our hearts and minds. and yet, we've done big things...we've grown, we've survived, and we're thriving.
i thank the lord that he saw fit to have my true companion on this insanely crazy journey be jason. at times i wonder how did i get so lucky. to marry a guy would loves me well, loves our children well, and most of all loves his lord well. i am thankful for all jason has taught me over our years...how to be more patient, how to look at the glass half full, how not to worry, how to be, and most importantly how to be more like christ.
i'm thankful that jason is my best friend. honestly, we could watch espn for hours, talking about march madness, the dodgers, lakers, usc football...yep, he knows me well. i'm thankful that we can sit and watch games, chat through them and be the best of friends.
the thing about eleven that makes me smile is we are here...
thank you lord for holding us close through our years. for holding us while we walked a journey that is unlike any other. for challenging us to believe.wait.hope with expectation that you are never finished.
here's to many more years of j&d mikels...
sometimes i feel like time has flown by...and in other ways i feel like we've walked a thousand miles in a thousand years.
when i stop to consider that only four of those years were marked by being parents of a child with cancer i find it hard to believe. we have only navigated four years without the realities of leukemia in our hearts and minds. and yet, we've done big things...we've grown, we've survived, and we're thriving.
i thank the lord that he saw fit to have my true companion on this insanely crazy journey be jason. at times i wonder how did i get so lucky. to marry a guy would loves me well, loves our children well, and most of all loves his lord well. i am thankful for all jason has taught me over our years...how to be more patient, how to look at the glass half full, how not to worry, how to be, and most importantly how to be more like christ.
i'm thankful that jason is my best friend. honestly, we could watch espn for hours, talking about march madness, the dodgers, lakers, usc football...yep, he knows me well. i'm thankful that we can sit and watch games, chat through them and be the best of friends.
the thing about eleven that makes me smile is we are here...
thank you lord for holding us close through our years. for holding us while we walked a journey that is unlike any other. for challenging us to believe.wait.hope with expectation that you are never finished.
here's to many more years of j&d mikels...
Sunday, March 10, 2013
updates...
it's march! wow, where is 2013 going?? i thought i'd catch up on some quick updates...
* wyatt started baseball this month. it's super fun watching wyatt play, in fact it does this momma's heart good to see him out there growing and coming into his own. wyatt decided that he no longer wanted to play t-ball, so he tried out for farm and made the team. he is the youngest on his team, and the littlest! :) but, he holds his own and does great! he's playing second base, like a certain other mikels (his daddy)...he is wearing #16. when we went to the meeting wyatt was set on being #5, but another boy chose that number so quickly my momma's mind was racing on a way to salvage this for him. so, i said, "how about #16 like your favorite player?". he smiled and said "yep, that's good mom!" so he is proudly wearing #16, just like andre either. wyatt is doing super well in school, he is blossoming in first grade. he is making lots of friends and doing a lot more on his own, which in some ways makes me sad; but it makes me super happy that our boy is growing up. our baby is growing and learning and thriving and we couldn't be prouder!
* camryn decided to try out for a speaking part in our church's children's musical...she got the part or rachel and she is super excited! she goes to practice, which has been a huge blessing as it gives camryn something all her own. we have really struggled to find camryn something that can be hers and that she is able to do...the musical has been a great blessing! she is loving it, making friends with the other kids, and doing super! in fact her teacher said, "she's a natural"...it's fun to see camryn bloom in a way we've never seen. i probably don't need to tell you that i'll be all tears when she performs as these are moments that we did not know we'd get. we savor watching her thrive! school has been more of a challenge this year, who knew third grade was so hard?! but, she's really doing well...she excels at her book reports and really anything creative she does. math isn't her favorite, but she hangs in there. can't say i blame her, math wasn't my favorite either. :) medically, camryn is doing well. she goes to the immunologist tomorrow to get some blood work done to begin the phase of treatment to boost camryn's immune system and help it function more fully. really, all of this is preventative...and a mark that she really is doing fantastic!! i often times have to remind myself of that when driving to ucla, that all of these things are good signs...we're not fighting leukemia, just it's effects. i still hate it, but i find great comfort in knowing that she is well enough to walk these journeys now. i won't lie, the knot in my stomach appears often...but, i have to trust that her heavenly father knows best, better than i do.
* jason is doing well...busy as ever teaching pe and doing really well. he is helping coach wyatt's team which is a blast for him to be a part of his son's life. tonight i over heard them talking about playing second and different baseball situations. jason is proud of his kids, so proud of them...he loves them well. i couldn't ask for more and when i think of all the countless hours he spent in the hospital with camryn, and home with wyatt...i cannot help but thank my heavenly father that jason is my companion on this journey. this friday marks our 11 year anniversary...wow, it's been a wild ride, but i am so thankful for the day by day journey with jay.
* i'm surviving school...who knew school law would kick my butt? seriously, it's so hard; but i'm making it through...only 4 more weeks! then i'll move on to my final class and then to having my masters degree...come on june! i'm busy trying to juggle schedules of who is taking who where and all those things. a friend said to us today at church, "well, you've entered that season...enjoy it for the next 10+ years." and really, i couldn't be happier. i told jay as we walked away that i am happy, even if it's busy but it means they are here, healthy, and living this life...and really we couldn't ask for more. because, quite simply it is enough.
enough...resting in all that jesus has blessed our life with. knowing that the spring brings renewal and hope...and believing that he is enough.
* wyatt started baseball this month. it's super fun watching wyatt play, in fact it does this momma's heart good to see him out there growing and coming into his own. wyatt decided that he no longer wanted to play t-ball, so he tried out for farm and made the team. he is the youngest on his team, and the littlest! :) but, he holds his own and does great! he's playing second base, like a certain other mikels (his daddy)...he is wearing #16. when we went to the meeting wyatt was set on being #5, but another boy chose that number so quickly my momma's mind was racing on a way to salvage this for him. so, i said, "how about #16 like your favorite player?". he smiled and said "yep, that's good mom!" so he is proudly wearing #16, just like andre either. wyatt is doing super well in school, he is blossoming in first grade. he is making lots of friends and doing a lot more on his own, which in some ways makes me sad; but it makes me super happy that our boy is growing up. our baby is growing and learning and thriving and we couldn't be prouder!
* camryn decided to try out for a speaking part in our church's children's musical...she got the part or rachel and she is super excited! she goes to practice, which has been a huge blessing as it gives camryn something all her own. we have really struggled to find camryn something that can be hers and that she is able to do...the musical has been a great blessing! she is loving it, making friends with the other kids, and doing super! in fact her teacher said, "she's a natural"...it's fun to see camryn bloom in a way we've never seen. i probably don't need to tell you that i'll be all tears when she performs as these are moments that we did not know we'd get. we savor watching her thrive! school has been more of a challenge this year, who knew third grade was so hard?! but, she's really doing well...she excels at her book reports and really anything creative she does. math isn't her favorite, but she hangs in there. can't say i blame her, math wasn't my favorite either. :) medically, camryn is doing well. she goes to the immunologist tomorrow to get some blood work done to begin the phase of treatment to boost camryn's immune system and help it function more fully. really, all of this is preventative...and a mark that she really is doing fantastic!! i often times have to remind myself of that when driving to ucla, that all of these things are good signs...we're not fighting leukemia, just it's effects. i still hate it, but i find great comfort in knowing that she is well enough to walk these journeys now. i won't lie, the knot in my stomach appears often...but, i have to trust that her heavenly father knows best, better than i do.
* jason is doing well...busy as ever teaching pe and doing really well. he is helping coach wyatt's team which is a blast for him to be a part of his son's life. tonight i over heard them talking about playing second and different baseball situations. jason is proud of his kids, so proud of them...he loves them well. i couldn't ask for more and when i think of all the countless hours he spent in the hospital with camryn, and home with wyatt...i cannot help but thank my heavenly father that jason is my companion on this journey. this friday marks our 11 year anniversary...wow, it's been a wild ride, but i am so thankful for the day by day journey with jay.
* i'm surviving school...who knew school law would kick my butt? seriously, it's so hard; but i'm making it through...only 4 more weeks! then i'll move on to my final class and then to having my masters degree...come on june! i'm busy trying to juggle schedules of who is taking who where and all those things. a friend said to us today at church, "well, you've entered that season...enjoy it for the next 10+ years." and really, i couldn't be happier. i told jay as we walked away that i am happy, even if it's busy but it means they are here, healthy, and living this life...and really we couldn't ask for more. because, quite simply it is enough.
enough...resting in all that jesus has blessed our life with. knowing that the spring brings renewal and hope...and believing that he is enough.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
happy 5th birthday blake & ethan...
happy birthday sweet boys!
incredibly hard to believe that it's your 5th birthday...thankful that you are a part of our lives, that you have left your tiny fingerprints all over our hearts is something we cherish.
your cousin camryn wore a blake and ethan necklace to school so you would be close to her on your birthday. she loves you so. your cousin wyatt wishes you were here to play with and be boys with. he misses you.
but, above all we are thankful that you are a part of our lives. we love your family much and we continue to choose joy with them and hope for the day when we will all be together...
we love you...
uncle jason.auntie dana.camryn.wyatt
incredibly hard to believe that it's your 5th birthday...thankful that you are a part of our lives, that you have left your tiny fingerprints all over our hearts is something we cherish.
your cousin camryn wore a blake and ethan necklace to school so you would be close to her on your birthday. she loves you so. your cousin wyatt wishes you were here to play with and be boys with. he misses you.
but, above all we are thankful that you are a part of our lives. we love your family much and we continue to choose joy with them and hope for the day when we will all be together...
we love you...
uncle jason.auntie dana.camryn.wyatt
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
unintended consequences...
i remember wondering how much of camryn's journey wyatt was really soaking in. i mean he was just a newborn baby through her first transplant and then just 2 1/2 through her second. tonight, i realized he soaked it all in....
camryn's sick, she has a flu bug...she's got a bit of a fever and is having an upset stomach which has led to her throwing up a couple times. tonight while camryn was feeling horrible, wyatt ran to his room and started crying. jason went to get him and through the tears streaming down his face he said, "i hate when camryn is sick".
we talked him through it and he admitted that he gets scared, so scared that she'll be taken to the hospital and she will be gone a long time. as he said, "i'll miss my sissy".
sissy...
i've never heard him call camryn sissy before, but i know it's his term of endearment. his sissy cannot be sick, she just can't because in his mind the snowball starts rolling and there's no turning back.
he recovered and is okay now, but for a moment through his tears i cried my own. it is rare that wyatt shows the depth of his feelings of camryn being sick, but tonight when it showed itself it hurt so much. because it is the unintended consequence. this is not meant to be...his little heart does not need to carry this weight but it does.
i am hopeful a time will come when camryn being sick is just camryn being sick...there's no other feeling of is this it? is the shoe going to drop? is she really okay?
i mean it is an odd reality to find comfort in the fact that other kids in her class are battling the flu, "passing it around" as camryn's teacher put it. odd isn't it? i find solace in other children's illnesses. weird that i breath better knowing she isn't the only one.
but, to a little boy i wonder if there will ever be a day that he won't worry about his sissy. quite honestly the person who means the most to him in the entire world...
praying for his little heart and for camryn that whatever she is battling she fights off, just like she's done time and time before.
camryn's sick, she has a flu bug...she's got a bit of a fever and is having an upset stomach which has led to her throwing up a couple times. tonight while camryn was feeling horrible, wyatt ran to his room and started crying. jason went to get him and through the tears streaming down his face he said, "i hate when camryn is sick".
we talked him through it and he admitted that he gets scared, so scared that she'll be taken to the hospital and she will be gone a long time. as he said, "i'll miss my sissy".
sissy...
i've never heard him call camryn sissy before, but i know it's his term of endearment. his sissy cannot be sick, she just can't because in his mind the snowball starts rolling and there's no turning back.
he recovered and is okay now, but for a moment through his tears i cried my own. it is rare that wyatt shows the depth of his feelings of camryn being sick, but tonight when it showed itself it hurt so much. because it is the unintended consequence. this is not meant to be...his little heart does not need to carry this weight but it does.
i am hopeful a time will come when camryn being sick is just camryn being sick...there's no other feeling of is this it? is the shoe going to drop? is she really okay?
i mean it is an odd reality to find comfort in the fact that other kids in her class are battling the flu, "passing it around" as camryn's teacher put it. odd isn't it? i find solace in other children's illnesses. weird that i breath better knowing she isn't the only one.
but, to a little boy i wonder if there will ever be a day that he won't worry about his sissy. quite honestly the person who means the most to him in the entire world...
praying for his little heart and for camryn that whatever she is battling she fights off, just like she's done time and time before.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
it's that month...
yep, it's that month...
the month over the past seven years has held some of the hardest moments of my life...
* seven years ago leukemia reared its ugly head and wrecked havoc on our lives.
* five years ago my dad struggled with his heart and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure.
* four years ago relapse became a reality and another bone marrow transplant loomed
* three years ago i lost one of the greatest woman i've ever known, my aunt frankie.
it's a rough month on my heart...
and yet, this morning in worship i was reminded...
the month over the past seven years has held some of the hardest moments of my life...
* seven years ago leukemia reared its ugly head and wrecked havoc on our lives.
* five years ago my dad struggled with his heart and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure.
* four years ago relapse became a reality and another bone marrow transplant loomed
* three years ago i lost one of the greatest woman i've ever known, my aunt frankie.
it's a rough month on my heart...
and yet, this morning in worship i was reminded...
you are stronger
you are stronger
sin is broken
you have saved me
it is written
Christ is risen
Jesus you are Lord of all
and today i will rest...rest in my Savior who is stronger.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
{seven years}
the words seem to be escaping me...i had in my mind thought about this post for a while, as i use this blog to mark time for myself (and fill the few readers left in with some of our life).
it's been seven years tomorrow. seven years since our world came crashing down around us. seven years since i felt kicked in the stomach so hard, that it left a knot. a permanent knot that even to this day, oh heck even in this moment i still feel. the word leukemia became part of our vocabulary...i hate that word.
i can still vividly remember saying bye to my friend t as i left work to take camryn to the doctor. i left my desk in disarray, no sub plans on my desk, no what if it's more than just an easy fix...i'd be back tomorrow and all would be well. but, it wasn't.
sometimes i'd like to go back to that person i was...the person who didn't know this pain, who didn't know these realities, the person who viewed life through such different eyes. but, i can't.
so much has changed in seven years...so.much.
i'm not the same person i was. jason is not the same. camryn is not the same. the only person who might be unscathed is wyatt, but let's be honest his world has been shattered before too. so, we're all in process...we're all living our lives daily in His hands. we're not perfect, we don't have this whole parent of a child with cancer thing figured out. not even sure you can.
the other day i cried and cried with jason and it all came rushing back. the anger that some things are so dang hard for camryn. the hurt that there are things that cannot be repaired or replaced. just the sadness of it all.
but, then there's camryn.
of all the hurt i've felt magnify it a million times over and maybe, just maybe that would be a glimpse of what her heart feels. i'm wrestling with the reality that camryn knows...she knows that her life is different. she knows that there is a different reality to her. she knows the journey. and she knows the fear.
but, the best part...
it does not change who she is. she is the best 8 year old around. she is talented, smart, funny, compassionate, loving, and just the best thing ever. my heart cannot contain the love that i feel for her. she teaches me daily what it means to live life to the fullest, and live life loving Jesus every step of the way.
she teaches me.
and really that is the best gift of the past seven years. that camryn is here, she is here teaching her momma's heart how to love God more, how to trust Him more, how to live by faith more.
how to be more.
how to take the garbage and the beauty of the last seven years and make it more than that. handing it over to hands bigger than mine to mold it, shape it, and redeem it.
oh there will be tears of joy and sadness...but, either way it's a life lived day by day in His hands...holding on to hers.
we love you camryn lee and are ever so thankful that you're here...continually telling the story that Jesus is greater, and He is good.
and i leave you with this...a song by chris tomlin on his new album burning lights.
it's been seven years tomorrow. seven years since our world came crashing down around us. seven years since i felt kicked in the stomach so hard, that it left a knot. a permanent knot that even to this day, oh heck even in this moment i still feel. the word leukemia became part of our vocabulary...i hate that word.
i can still vividly remember saying bye to my friend t as i left work to take camryn to the doctor. i left my desk in disarray, no sub plans on my desk, no what if it's more than just an easy fix...i'd be back tomorrow and all would be well. but, it wasn't.
sometimes i'd like to go back to that person i was...the person who didn't know this pain, who didn't know these realities, the person who viewed life through such different eyes. but, i can't.
so much has changed in seven years...so.much.
i'm not the same person i was. jason is not the same. camryn is not the same. the only person who might be unscathed is wyatt, but let's be honest his world has been shattered before too. so, we're all in process...we're all living our lives daily in His hands. we're not perfect, we don't have this whole parent of a child with cancer thing figured out. not even sure you can.
the other day i cried and cried with jason and it all came rushing back. the anger that some things are so dang hard for camryn. the hurt that there are things that cannot be repaired or replaced. just the sadness of it all.
but, then there's camryn.
of all the hurt i've felt magnify it a million times over and maybe, just maybe that would be a glimpse of what her heart feels. i'm wrestling with the reality that camryn knows...she knows that her life is different. she knows that there is a different reality to her. she knows the journey. and she knows the fear.
but, the best part...
it does not change who she is. she is the best 8 year old around. she is talented, smart, funny, compassionate, loving, and just the best thing ever. my heart cannot contain the love that i feel for her. she teaches me daily what it means to live life to the fullest, and live life loving Jesus every step of the way.
she teaches me.
and really that is the best gift of the past seven years. that camryn is here, she is here teaching her momma's heart how to love God more, how to trust Him more, how to live by faith more.
how to be more.
how to take the garbage and the beauty of the last seven years and make it more than that. handing it over to hands bigger than mine to mold it, shape it, and redeem it.
oh there will be tears of joy and sadness...but, either way it's a life lived day by day in His hands...holding on to hers.
we love you camryn lee and are ever so thankful that you're here...continually telling the story that Jesus is greater, and He is good.
and i leave you with this...a song by chris tomlin on his new album burning lights.
Sovereign
Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm
Sovereign in my greatest joy
In my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn
In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you
In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
Sovereign in the mountain
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm
Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn
In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you
In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands
All my life
All of me
Held in your hands
All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands
All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands
All my life
All of me
Held in your hands
All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands
In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you
In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm
Sovereign in my greatest joy
In my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn
In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you
In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
Sovereign in the mountain
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm
Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn
In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you
In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands
All my life
All of me
Held in your hands
All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands
All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands
All my life
All of me
Held in your hands
All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands
In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you
In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
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