december...really?!

this past tuesday was a first.

camryn had her normal, routine, monthly clinic appointment tuesday morning.  i knew that her doctors would want to be thorough as this was her appointment before school starts.  plus, cam's rash had flared up a bit at the end of july so we had been in touch with her nurse practitioner to make sure nothing got too out of whack.  i was a bit nervous as i knew that maybe just maybe they would put camryn back on meds and we just didn't want that.  honestly, at this point we are further down the road post-transplant than we have ever been so we are in uncharted waters for us, and it feels awesome so the last thing i wanted to hear was we were taking steps backwards.

cam was in an okay mood...she just is so over all of this and quite frankly i don't blame her at all.  she's done.  but, like she always does she was great at clinic.  we saw lots of familiar faces and they all commented about how tall camryn is getting, how long her hair is, and basically how big she is.  it's funny sometimes when i think about it as these people have literally watched her grow since she was 2.  they have seen her many faces (short hair, no hair, curly hair, puffy cheeks, weight gain meds...you get the idea), but they always seem to see her and compliment how well she is doing and i cherish it.

we made our way to our room and began to wait...the lab upstairs was open, or at least we thought so, we'd decided to wait until after we saw the doctors and then get labs.  we waited, cam had her doll with her and she was doing her best to be patient.  berkley came in to say hi and we chatted a bit, she was pleased with how well cam was doing and happy to hear that some of her symptoms had stopped and it looked like cam had a little virus in july.  she said that a med student would be in to see us and then dr. moore...i smiled, i also love med students.  they are so tentative and new...many students have passed through our door to see camryn and i knew that she probably won't not be too cooperative.  a nice student walked in tried his best to engage camryn, and she was not having any of it...he tried and tried.  there was a knock on the door and berkley came in and said dr.moore changed his mind and she would be seeing camryn.  poor med student...i felt bad, but i knew camryn's case is unique a relapse transplant and dr.moore probably didn't want to have us tell our story for the millionth time.

berkley chatted some more and pretty soon dr.moore came in.  camryn LOVES dr.moore, i know i've said it before but quite honestly i have never seen her respond to someone like him.  he holds an incredible place in her heart, and i cherish him.  camryn and dr.moore went through their regular routine and smiled, laughed, and chatted...it was precious.  he checked her out, talked to me for a few minutes and then said...

"how would you like to come see me before christmas?  how about december?"

a smile broke across mine and camryn's face...december?!  that's 4 months away.  we have never gone 4 months without at trip to the doctor.  never.  camryn was so excited, she was thrilled that no more medicine and no more blood draws for 4 months!

this moment was a first and it meant so much.

camryn is well.  she is well and we can live for 4 months without trips to ucla and without the constant life revolving around cancer.  she is living the life she should be...

and we are grateful.

remembering...

yesterday afternoon i caught myself going back in time to 6 years ago...

at times i think i forget, no not forget just get so involved with where life is now that 6 years ago really seems forever ago.  but, it's not...not to this momma's heart.  there are a lot of things that were happening this month 6 years ago, and really if i allow my heart to fully go there 7 years ago as well.

god was weaving a tapestry of our lives and little did we know it 7 years ago a storm was coming unlike any we would ever experience.  and then the storm hit in february...and the storm raged for months and months.  climaxing in august.

camryn was crashing, her vitals were awful, her lab sheets were an absolute mess.  everything normal was not.  i was 8 months pregnant and fighting to keep things together...a baby was coming, and my baby was fighting to hold on.  i was caught remembering the days of august 2006.  big bellied me rocking camryn hour after hour while she clung on to my belly.  her fevers up around 105, cool rags all over her trying to keep her as cool as possible.  we found out our sweet boy wyatt was a match on the 23rd, but when i remember back it is as if camryn knew...she knew that her life would be found in her baby brother.  she clung to my belly and day after day the nurses would say those two are going to have quite a bond...little did they know then what we know now.

i find it hard to go back, and yet when i do i can see god's love lavished on us.  oh the skies were grey and the clouds very dark, but there were glimpses of love.  and one of those greatest glimpses came on september 14th.  god's voice flooding our lives in wyatt jason...and holding camryn lee.

and yet, i was remembering 3 years ago this month...letting go of dreams and hopes.  trying with all my might to reconcile camryn not going to kindergarten and trying to piece together our lives as best we could.  holding on tight to what i knew to be true...the lord carried us through august after august and he would again.

then a year ago...the dreams emerged, the hope restored as camryn & wyatt began a journey of normalcy to "just be kids".  the leukemia did not define us, cancer did not define us, we were beginning to take steps of normal life and it was as if the grey skies made way for the sunshine to break through and stay.

oh there are always moments when the clouds start to gather...and some of those darkest days were in august...but, the hope of restoration is bright as a little girl prepares for third grade and a little boy for first grade!

many thanks to god whose unending presence in our lives holds us still.  whose tapestry is weaving a most beautiful story of a little girl a little boy and their parents who thank the lord daily for choosing us.  for choosing us to hold their hands on their great journey of life.

love you big cam & wy. xoxo