four years...

A long journey...

I remember being a freshman in college and a speaker discussing the four years of college like running the mile in track. Each lap representing a year...I remember thinking then that my college years would be a long journey.

And now we've "run a mile" with leukemia so to speak...four years.

This past year has been a rough one, one that if I'm completely honest it probably has been one of the hardest of the four. When I wrote a post last February I did not know what was coming only 10 days later. And now I do...

When Camryn relapsed it was absolutely heart-breaking how do your travel a journey that you have already traveled once? I'm not sure...but it's been four years since leukemia became part of our vocabulary. And in those four years we have learned much about life, parenting, the resilience of a child, the gift of the moment...and so much more.

And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." ~ Isaiah 30:21

This verse has meant so much to me throughout these four years...four years that I would have never chosen for myself or my family. If I could go back and wave a magic wand and erase cancer I would, but I can't. Knowing that as I'm walking that the Lord is walking with us...

I knew it four years ago in a little room at Cedars with a little girl who was so incredibly sick. And I know it today as an almost 6 year old is tuck snug in her bed. Throughout the days that have transpired we have grown and we have struggled...there are moments of pure joy and moments of utter despair. And yet, He is there carrying us through the moments that come.

I will not pretend that these have been easy years...in fact when I think of all that has been lost it is frustrating. But, I know that somehow He is in this story...He is holding us. And even though this last year has been incredibly difficult I can see His hands throughout. I can look back and see when His hands were holding ours and leading us in His ways. Always easy? No. Always happy? No. Always perfect? No. But always His...Yes.

I'm not sure where this next year will take us, I am hopeful that with this coming year Camryn will continue to gain strength and health.

Hopeful for much...hopeful for more sweet memories and days ahead. Trusting in His voice to lead us through...