open doors...

Today was the first of many days spent walking through an open door...

As I was sitting in teacher orientation this morning, feeling very much like a fish out of water I was was challenged to walk through the open door. In February I walked out of a door and I never really returned...until today. One of the perks of teaching at a Christian school is the awesome worship time we had to set the tone for the day...followed by a word of encouragement from Pastor Jack Hayford. I must say that I found what he shared to be so encouraging for my heart...

He focused on Revelation 3 and 4 and the images of the open door found there...and he talked about the open door ahead of us of a new school year, and that the Lord could be knocking on our hearts to do business with him, and that the strength to go through the door with Him. I kept thinking about the open door...

You see our lives were becoming a thing of normalcy all be it a new one and the bottom fell out and now there is a new open door...

And it is an uneasy feeling walking through it.

Starting a new school year always seems to bring a fresh start for me...new students, a new year, a new beginning, a new chance. This year is that and so much more for my entire family.

Jason starts school next week.
Camryn starts kindergarten in the next couple weeks.
Wyatt turns three.

Yes, we are all starting to see our new normal life take shape again...and it is hard to know how best to handle it. We know that the Lord has placed before us another opportunity to live a normal life...I guess you could say the last couple months have been far from normal. Now it feels that our normal life is starting to take shape...

And I am nervous.

Because through open doors lay new challenges, new adventures and new realities...and sometimes that it's a lot. But, we've been here before. We have stood on the edge of the door to normalcy and walked through and soaked it all in, relished it and thoroughly enjoyed it...until it fell apart.

So I guess walking through it again is taking a bit more out of us...to really trust. To really believe. To really hope.

Again...

That this is the open door HE has called us to.

days of summer...

Today was a wonderful day...

Summer is coming to an end and school will soon be upon us and we will be finding a new routine and rhythm for life. So for today we decided to enjoy the last days of summer. We took a trip up to one of Camryn's most favorite places...Ventura Beach. I have to say after today I believe it became one of Wyatt's favorite places too.

We went up after lunch and just spent the day enjoying cooler weather and the beautiful scenery. Camryn and Wyatt both enjoyed walking in the water, playing, enjoying all the fun...and just being together.

Together...

Our journey since February and Camryn's relapse has been a long one...we have spent the past 6 months adjusting to a new normal and now in a few days the first part of that will really start to come into focus. I start back to work on Monday...it will be a very weird to start back into a set routine. I will be teaching part-time in order to be available to work with Camryn's schooling. Luckily Jason doesn't start back to work until the next week so we'll have some time to adjust to actually having a work routine again.

We should also hear more about Camryn's schooling and hopefully hear from her teacher. We are anxious to see what is ahead for Camryn and how all of this will work out. Camryn is very excited to see what is in store for her...we all are.

Wyatt's birthday is coming up in a few weeks...so we will be getting ready for our little guy's 3rd birthday. Hard to even believe he will be three...hard to even consider that he has done the amazing things he has. Quite a boy!

Our journey will be taking a turn in the upcoming weeks...our new normal world will begin to again transition, and yet through it all we are together.

Together...and thankful that through it all we are together through the days of summer and the coming of fall.

day +82...big YAY

Lots of smiles here in the Mikels household today...

Camryn's clinic appointments have been moved to once a month! Woohoo! Jason, Camryn and I headed down to clinic this morning...hopeful that maybe we'd have really great news today, but as always knowing that anything can change.

We got to clinic and saw Berkley the new nurse practitioner and Dr.M, both of whom were pleased with Camryn's exam and said that her labs have continually looked good and they would call us if anything came up. And then Dr.M said that he is moving Camryn to once a month clinic visits to which Camryn replied, "Yes!". Yep, not much gets by her.

After seeing the doctors Camryn went to say bye to Nurse Charlotte who was very excited for Camryn's once a month visits and we got her labs. Let me say her labs look wonderful! Jason and I both just stood in awe...her hemoglobin is up to 11.0 and her platelets are at 187,000. Her whites are still on the lower side and her ANC is at 1100, but those are the last things to recover from transplant. But we were thrilled with her hemoglobin! She had been hovering around 8 so to see it bump up to 11.0 is just awesome! We were very excited...in fact I told Jason yesterday that I had noticed Camryn really returning to herself energy wise...lots of play, lots of energy and just go, go, go. Which now doesn't surprise me at all...her hemoglobin is great!

Camryn was very thrilled with the news of once a month doctor visits...it's amazing what she *gets* this time around. I think she knows that for a month she'll taste a bit of normalcy and once she hits Day +100 a little bit of life comes back.

When we got home from clinic a very cute little boy was watching out the window for us...Wyatt just hates when Camryn is not home. He knows she is at the doctor, but I think he awaits to see if she is really coming home. They immediately starting playing and off they went...can't say it gets old watching those two.

For lunch we headed over to visit with Devon who is now on bed rest at home. What a praise...it was wonderful to get to sit and chat with her and for Camryn and Wyatt to see her too. They've missed their Dee dee! Uncle Robby came by too so that was nice to get to spend some time with them. Little baby girl continues to do well and Devon in hanging in there...thanks for praying, almost to 27 weeks...and hopeful for many more.

Today was a big YAY for us...lots of smiles and we are simply thankful!

pausing...

This weekend has been a rough one...I have had a severe migraine since Friday evening and am just now on Sunday afternoon starting to feel a bit better. I've spent a lot of time just laying down and my mind spent a lot of time mulling, pondering, questioning, thinking about all sorts of things.

On Friday Jason and I attended a memorial service for a beautiful 5 month old baby girl who lost her fight with leukemia. To say the service was beautiful would be an understatement...I found myself in tears, considering so many things, so many thoughts. As the processional left the church I saw her Mommy, tears streaming down her face and my heart just broke. For it is a devastating thing watching your child fight a disease that doesn't play fair, to hold them, to hope with them...to be their Mommy. I have met some amazing women throughout this journey, some amazing mothers who have taught me, challenged me and encouraged me. Some I have met, others are friends from afar; but either way they are a significant piece to my daily journey. For it is through them that I know I am not alone...that leukemia did not just strike my family alone, that there are others out there who are walking journeys that they never asked for. Even now there are mothers attending to their children on UCLA's hemoc floor...and my heart aches for them.

Because no matter how many days post transplant you are...or if you even had a transplant there is never a moment when cancer isn't a part of your life. You will look at the world entirely differently. You will look at your children differently. You will look at family, friends and strangers differently. You will look at God differently.

If there is anything to be gained for me by Camryn's journey through leukemia it is a closer walk with my Savior...falling at His feet time and time again. Letting Him hold me when at times it seems as though the whole world has walked out. Allowing Him be enough. Taking Him at His Word, believing the promises of Scripture and knowing that cancer is not His tool.

As I sat in the service a few words rang loud and true for me..."that God didn't do this. This is not His will." I will admit I have wrestled with these thoughts...asking, begging and pleading with the Lord to help me understand. And really there is no way I truly can...I can hold on with all my might to Him who will make it right...to Him who will redeem it all, in His glorious, beautiful time.

And also the words about miracles..."perhaps we didn't get the miracle of healing we wanted. But maybe a miracle took place that enabled her parents to love her, care for her and be there for her. Perhaps that was the miracle." Amazing...because perhaps the miracles found in the journey of cancer are not necessarily healing, although healing is the outcome we'd like...maybe the miracle is what Christ is doing within us. That allows us to walk the journeys we are on with grace and dignity; surrounded in love by Him.

So I'm pausing this weekend...pausing to really let the Lord sink in my heart. To really let Him carry me through some of the struggles. Yes Camryn is thriving and doing very well, but ever present is the fear that almost chokes you alive.

Learning how to let go of those fears of relapse, sickness, cancer...all of that. And rest, rest in Him...finding comfort for each day in Him and Him alone.

not what i expected...

Back to School is upon us, there are ads everywhere and deals to be had. But, honestly this coming school year is nothing like what we expected it to be.

Today we picked up Camryn's desk, she was so excited! We put the desk together and she truly was just thrilled with all of it...we talked about getting some school supplies and getting some desk accessories. Oh what a true girl she is, she loves all that fun! Loves figuring out what she would like on her desk, pictures, knick knacks, all of it!

Later this evening we went to the park to have dinner...what a lovely evening. We had lots of fun going on adventures, playing tag, taking walks and just being together. Camryn and Wyatt both LOVE being outside and just taking in the nice summer evening. As we sat and watched some people play on the playground Camryn asked when she is able to play again, when is she able to have her friends again, when is school starting at the Big Village.

I will admit that Jason and I both have avoided completely talking with Camryn about what is to come about school. I think this was one of those topics that we both had to swallow hard before we even began to think about how best to talk with Camryn. We have been praying about it...that the Lord would guide us and help all of us through this transition. Well, the moment came tonight. As we were sitting on a bench talking she asked about when school starts at Village. Jason and I took deep breaths and talked with her. We told her that right now she will not be going to Village for kindergarten, that because her body is not strong enough yet to be around people that she was going to do school differently. We explained that she would have a teacher that would come to our house and teach her...that she would have to do school like that until she was able to be at Village. And once she could go to Village with Mommy she will...

There were no tears, but a very sad little girl...she didn't say much at all. But she got very quiet and just laid her head on my lap...I told her I loved her so and that I was so sorry.

As Camryn walked away to go check out what Wyatt was doing, Jason said, "I feel so bad for her...everything she wants to do she can't. All she wants to do is be 5 and live..."

And it's true...Camryn gets it and yet doesn't. She is sad, but she will be alright. We will do our very best to make school a very special experience for her whether she goes to her teacher or her teacher comes to her. We know that this is no way what we wanted for her and I won't lie it's hard.

So we are praying about Camryn's teacher, we have yet to meet them; but we are hoping that the Lord guides just the right teacher to us...to make this wonderful for Camryn. To make her first year of school as memorable as ever.

But for now, we'll cherish the memories made today...




















Our Big Girl's desk...not such a baby girl's room anymore.

free tuesday...

Camryn's first free Tuesday since February 3, 2009...every Tuesday since then has either been spent at clinic or in the hospital. Crazy? We sure think so...

So today was a benchmark of sorts for Camryn and us. We slept in...no early alarms today or waking to beeping IVs. No driving our usual route to UCLA. No ID bracelets...clinic sheets. No labs drawn...this is the first time that there will be no weekly labs. Crazy? We sure think so...

But we sure are not going to complain, nope. Rather we are thankful.

Because we know that this road is so long, incredibly long and we've traveled it before. Even the littlest thing is one to be thankful for. We know that in most circles weekly doctors are not the norm. Yes, we have lived in a world where most do not...and you know at some point that just is what it is. We cannot change our realities and yes at times the realities that we live in makes us want to scream. But for today we will praise and be thankful because we know that it isn't always this way. We know that things can change in an instant...there are no guarantees. We understand that full well.

But we sure are not going to take a free Tuesday for granted.

Today my sister's family came down to do some school shopping so we were very happy to hang out with them and have a very southern, very traditional Wilson family dinner with them, thanks to my mom for cooking! Unfortunately I could not enjoy the food fully as I had to go to the dentist today and well let's just say that is never fun or easy. But the kids ate and ate and just loved being with family. Honestly, I think Camryn and Wyatt could just hang out with all their cousins all the time if they could...they are truly blessed with an amazing group of cousins.

Camryn was very thrilled to be free today...she savored just being able to do her thing and just enjoy life. I don't think a day goes by when at some point I am not amazed at her...she leaves me speechless.

Wyatt enjoyed some time today with his favorite person...Daddy. They ran some errands, got lunch and played baseball at the park. Yep, they are quite a pair and Wyatt so enjoys time spent with Daddy.

We are thankful today for the Camryn's continued progress...we are humbled daily with how she is doing...we are grateful to the Lord for all His many blessings on Camryn's life.

Please continue to pray for a family of another fighter who became an angel...our hearts ache, but we rest and hope in the Lord's grace and comfort. May the Lord continue to lavish His peace upon their hearts moment by moment.

Please also pray for our sweet niece and her Mommy, Devon. Devon is currently still in the hospital, but there is hope that she might get to go home until the baby comes. Please pray that the new meds work...and sweet baby girl stays put for awhile longer and that Devon can get home to rest and enjoy time with Rob and Riley.

We thank you our faithful friends in real life and blog life who daily check in on us and who pray for us and with us...thank you. Thank you for your prayers for Camryn, she's not out of the woods by a long shot, but each day is a gift...

And today was a great one...

Thank you Lord, it was much needed.

at a loss for words...

Sometimes leukemia wins and it's not fair, simply it's horrible. Right now I can't quite wrap my mind around things, my heart is aching. While Camryn is seemingly beating leukemia another little one lost their fight.

My hope and prayer is that the Lord will be as real to them as ever, that He holds them so closely and lavishes His comfort on them.

I wish that my words would come, but they're not. Only tears...

simple sundays

Our Sundays used to be very full days...church, friends, family time, getting ready for another week. Our Sundays now are very quiet days...most Sundays are spent hanging out, finishing up chores from Saturday and well simple.

This upcoming week on the calendar looks a bit normal if you will...UCLA is not written anywhere on the calendar for the week. This is our first week since February that we will not be at UCLA, at least that is the plan. We are hoping that the break between appointments will hold and Camryn will continue on the great track she's on.

This morning the kids played outside while we washed our cars, they so enjoyed it. Running, playing, chatting...these two certainly are the best of friends. They enjoy doing all sorts of things that get them into *trouble*...after playing outside it was bath time and line change time. Some days we do Camryn's line change in the evenings, but something on the weekends it's nice to do it in the morning...so the evenings don't feel so full and rushed. After bath time they have been going non-stop playing trains all over the house...they are playing in the living room, down the hall, in their rooms. I won't lie hearing their chattering all over the house is quite possibly the sweetest sound in the whole world!

Yesterday morning Jason and I spent some time together running errands, who knew simply running errands was such treasured time...we spent some precious time chatting in the car and through stores. Our lives have really altered throughout the years we've shared...the idea of the past four years and how things that we thought would be so simple, simply were not. It was a good time for us...sometimes I think we both assume that *all is well*, but the past has a way of creeping in and there are different timetables for our individual processing. I am ever so thankful for Jason and the rock he is for me.

Last night Jason and I headed over to the hospital to visit Rob and Devon...it was birthday dinner time for the twin brothers. We had a great time hanging out with them , chatting and just being together. Thank you for your prayers for Rob and Devon, please continue to pray for them...and for sweet baby girl she's almost 26 weeks! And we are hopeful for 28, 29 and many more!

So today is just a simple Sunday, not quite the days we used to have; but then again most days aren't like the days we used to have. We are thankful for today...

For the little faces that brighten our days, the sounds of running feet, the voices singing...for all of it.

For it is simple pleasures...that are grace filled moments.

happy birthday to you...

Jason...

Happy Birthday! We love you so much, you are the best husband and Daddy in the whole wide world. May you know that we are thankful each and every day for you and the blessing you are to us. Grateful for the miracle you are!

Our lives would not be what they are without you...thanks for being our best friend, our biggest fan and our positive influence. We love you for it!

And to Uncle Robby...Happy Birthday, we are so thankful for you too!

Hopeful for many many more years and candles!

pieces of the puzzle

Today I walked back through my classroom door...it is the beginning of putting the pieces of life back together. All summer long I've had the nagging thought that I need to go to my classroom to take the first steps in getting my feet wet again so to speak. I walked out of my room on a February day and really never came back...

Today I walked through that door again...and it was hard. I was stunned as I sat at my desk and looked around at things...my calendar, planner, papers all stopped in February. It was surreal, as if life just stopped and now I'm piecing it back together.

Jason and the kids went with me as moral support of sorts and I'm glad they did. I think tears would have flowed had they not been there providing some distraction. Tonight as Jason and I were talking I said that with work I can be objective, get the tasks done and move forward...

But with the coming of a new school year...

I have to let go...

I have mentioned it before, but really in the last two weeks letting go of Camryn going to school has really taken shape. I've mulled over it, cried through it, even found myself talking through it...and I've found that part of the struggle is that Kindergarten was my "it" moment. When Camryn first was diagnosed with leukemia and came through her first transplant well...school was always the moment. It was it! School became the longing moment that would signal that all was well...we had moved ahead, Camryn could return to normal and do what kids do.

And now...I'm letting that go.

And quite honestly I think it's more than school, it's about not ever getting to an "it" moment...and instead of moving forward with leaps and bounds, we are tip toeing. Because the bottom fell out and it could again.

These are the pieces of the puzzle that we're trying to live. Trying desperately to put things in perspective, trying to let go and live. Just live differently than you ever thought you would.

I know the next couple weeks will be an interesting journey...a journey in letting go and learning to dream new dreams.

And trusting...believing that every day is a gift...

Some days it's just easier than others.

there will be a day...

As I was driving home this morning from running a few errands this song came on the radio, and I won't lie tears streamed down my face...

There Will Be A Day~ Jeremy Camp

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.

The words ring so true...deep within my heart. That for all of this, for all this is there will be a day...and what a day it will be. And the words that get me the most...

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

The beauty that's in store, oh if I could just get this silly, human heart of mine to see that beauty and stop holding so tightly this broken world. All this world has to offer can never satisfy...I know that, I have heard devotionals, lessons, sermons on that very topic. And yet here I still anxious over how to make it work...I admit it I spend a lot more time focusing on the right here and right now, instead of the beauty of it all.

My favorite verse from Amazing Grace is the last one..."When we've been there ten thousand years..." My mind cannot even begin to fathom that...ten thousand years and it will feel as if it's all brand new. Because it is...

And that beauty outweighs the hurt of life's sting...

Sometimes in the right here right now it sure doesn't feel like it, but oh isn't it great that feelings have nothing to do with it. It will...

And there will be a day...and He is teaching me to long for that day.

day +68...good, great, grand

Tuesdays...faithful blog followers know that around here that means clinic appointments for Camryn. Well, today was no different...

Camryn and I headed out early so that we can get to clinic and get through as quickly as possible...well today wasn't exactly quick. We got to clinic and things went well getting labs drawn and vitals taken. Camryn and I read, colored and just passed the time as we waited to see the doctors. I have to admit I was getting a bit impatient as I really don't like to wait. Jason texted me and I told him both me and Camryn were getting antsy...and within seconds he replied with a video message of Wyatt singing us a song, it was hilarious! Camryn and I smiled, shared a laugh and waited some more. Dr.K came by and said hi, I won't lie I miss seeing her as often...she said Camryn looked fantastic and she's heard great things. She said she has a gut feeling this time that this is it...this one worked! I sure hope so! Guess it shouldn't surprise me that in the midst of waiting the fire alarm goes off and the entire medical building has to be evacuated...crazy! So we made our way outside and true to Camryn form she was worried about everyone else...Nurse Charlotte, the kids getting medicines in their IVs, Dr. M. It was a good thing once we got outside that Nurse Charlotte found us and we chatted while we waited, put Camryn at ease.

Once back in the building we waited some more, but not too long...Dr.K came in and we chatted a bit about the odds and ends, then Dr.M came in. Dr.M and Camryn went through their usual routine of craziness, man does she love him! Dr.M said that he would see us at our next appointment in two weeks and then from there we would be seen once a month. "We don't need to see you as much and you don't need to see us." I was thrilled...baby steps.

We said our good-byes and headed over to say good-bye to Nurse Charlotte...we got Camryn's labs and they look....FABULOUS!!!

White count - 2.91
Hemoblobin - 9.7
Platelets - 168,000
ANC - 1600

We are so thankful today...Camryn is doing so well and there is no other response than thank you Lord.

Thank you!

Thought I'd also share a great picture with you...



Camryn, Wyatt and Riley with their Great - Grandparents...what a treasure!

And for today...our grand adventures outside...

Wyatt splashing away



Camryn getting ready to attack Daddy



I could watch these 3 for hours



Wy Man





Cam





Hope you all had a blessed Tuesday...

perspectives....

Last night Jason and I made our way back to church...it's been a long time in coming and I think we actually shocked a few people. Church has always been such a haven for me...I've literally grown up in our church. I have pictures of my baby dedication oh some 33 years ago on the same stage that my children were dedicated on. There is definitely something comfortable there.

But, when your life takes drastic turns and you live in the hospital and then isolation; going to church isn't as easy as it once was.

And if I'm honest going back is harder than you think...

Today as I sat and chatted with my sister-in-law Devon about life and how both of ours are not quite what we had envisioned, we talked about perspectives. The way we see the world...what the world becomes...what begins to matter...and simply what doesn't matter like it once did. The world just doesn't look the same...

And you wonder is it just me?

So last night as I was sitting in church singing worship songs that just hit my heart so deeply I began to look around...all of these people in this sanctuary and HE is mindful of me.

Really?

And as the sermon was preached on prayer and the reality that the Lord doesn't want my list of things...He wants me. He wants a relationship with me...He longs for me.

Really?

Yes, really.

The Lord has a perspective of my life that runs much deeper than my own...He knows the joys, sorrows, and everything in between. He knows that right now I struggle to relate to some people because my world just looks so different. He knows that when I walk down the aisle at the store and see all the school supplies my heart aches. He knows that there are longings of my heart that simply can't be. He knows that I really am tired of medicines, hospital bills and all that comes with this. He knows I want to take my kids out into the world and can't. He knows that sometimes I just don't like this...

And that's okay...because in our relationship we can converse...I can talk, but more importantly I can listen. And maybe slowly but surely...perspective will come.

Maybe it really isn't about seeing the world like others do.

Maybe it's about seeing the world as He does...

escaping...realizing

Jason and I got away for a few days this week...we headed out to Palm Springs for some sun, rest and relaxation. I must admit it was a much needed time away. Many thanks to our parents for watching our kids...from what I hear they had a wonderful time with their grandparents.

If I'm honest it was quite wonderful to not administer medications, shots or deal with anything else having to do with life post-transplant. I actually felt like I was breathing for the first time in months...not that I didn't miss Camryn and Wyatt I did. I missed them so incredibly much...what I didn't miss was the little realities of life right now. It felt good to just go an do...to not weigh every decision through the "can Camryn do that right now" filter.

I guess I forget while living as a mother of a child who has had cancer, two transplants and more chemo than I ever thought possible that it is a heavy weight. I forget the toll it takes...

It felt good to escape for a few days, but then reality comes and I'm finding that really there is no escaping. This is what life is...

A battle really. A battle to daily lay the concerns, realities and all that comes with Camryn's leukemia at the Lord's feet. To allow my heart room to live again...to escape in Him...I guess that really is what I am realizing.

That in Him I can rest...it is hard to completely rest at home as a mom with chores, laundry and little ones who need this and that...but, yet in Him I can rest.

Rest in the realities that He is carrying us through whether it is on a mini-vacation or day to day living life at home. No matter to Him...

So for now I'll work on escaping to Him...realizing that He is where true rest is found.

It was just a lot easier in Palm Springs...

day +61...two months since...

Transplant...can you believe it?!

We can't quite wrap our minds around it...seriously two months ago we lived quite possibly one of the hardest days of our lives...and now? Now, I'm sitting on the couch listening to Camryn *read* a magazine to Wyatt, honestly...too hilarious. Camryn just said, "Why aren't these words in Spanish? I can read Spanish." She then breaks into uno, dos, tres...really, who know that two transplants later she'd be bilingual?

Camryn and Jason headed down to clinic today as it was my day off from clinic. We are trying to take turns as it's a nice break, plus it keeps both of us in the loop of Camryn's care. I got a call from Jason at 9:00am saying they were already done, honestly he gets the fastest clinic days ever...I'm not jealous or anything.

Dr. A saw Camryn today and said that she looks great! Jason talked with him about the fact that we have not yet seen a lot of GVH since Camryn went off of the cyclosporin. Dr. A said that some still could be going on, just to watch her and they'll keep an eye on everything. So thankful for Camryn's doctors...they are just the best!

Jason also touched base with the school coordinator at UCLA who helps with the school issues for the patients. We have officially signed up for LAUSD's medical home school program. LAUSD will send us all the curriculum and a teacher will be assigned to us and will come to our home to teach Camryn. Basically the teacher will be responsible for the whole coordination of things...we are very anxious to get this all figured out. Today was very encouraging hearing that UCLA will continue to help us navigate this road.

While Jason and Camryn were at clinic I ran over to visit with my sister-in-law Devon...I am happy to say that Devon is still pregnant and we are hopeful she will be until at least September. It was very nice to sit and chat with her about life and just things. I will admit it's hard to see Devon there...hard to see anyone in the hospital, just too many memories...I've really come to have bittersweet feelings about hospitals. But for today I was thankful that our sweet niece is still growing and developing in her mommy's tummy...and that's pure sweetness!

Later this afternoon Dr. A called to let us know that Camryn's labs looked great...He said that we have a good graft as her hemoglobin and platelets continue to come up on their own. He also said that her biocarb levels where finally in normal range...we'll keep nagging her about drinking and keep her hydrated.

These two months have been a whirlwind of various emotions, struggles and joys. We have grown and come to appreciate things that are easily taken for granted. Today the Bible study I'm doing focused on Psalms 121...I love that Psalm, always have ever since I memorized it for a speech meet in fourth grade.

Anyways...the Psalm is beautiful, but right in the middle is the most beautiful part...

I lift up my eyes to the hills -
from where will my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
He who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in
from this time on and forevermore.
~Psalm 121 (RSV)

The Lord is our keeper...He keeps us...He holds us...He protects us while we're on this journey we call life. Our lives are difficult, rough and down right painful at times...and He keeps us still.

Matthew 10:28, Christ said, "Don't fear those who kill the body but are not able to kill the soul". I'm human just like you, and these words can seem like small consolation as we travel this dangerous turf. But when our eyes are truly opened and we see all the ways hell rose against us, the Devil wanted us, and God hid us in the shadow of His wings, we will drop on our knees and worship the Maker of heaven and earth. ~ Beth Moore

grateful

Nothing new to report, which is always a good thing...but I thought I would update you on a few things.

* Camryn goes to clinic tomorrow and then hopefully from there her appointments will be moved to every other week.

* No real signs of GVH, so we'll see what that means tomorrow. Officially Camryn has been off cyclosporin for a week and we really haven't noticed a significant change.

* Tomorrow we get the ball rolling with our homeschooling adventure. We sign up and get the information needed through UCLA as Camryn is considered a medical home school.

* Devon our sister-in-law is still in the hospital almost 24 weeks pregnant...please keep praying for her and our sweet niece as this journey is difficult and we thank you for praying with us.

* Wyatt is playing baseball all the time, seriously I think he would do it 24/7 if he could...he is also quite taken with the guitar. Quite a little Renaissance man, he is.

* Jason and I are going away for a couple days at the end of this week while the kids hang out with their grandparents. We are very excited...this will be a much needed time to reconnect, just be and catch up with one another after our adventures of year.

We are grateful and thankful for each day...some days are easier than others, some days are downright hard. But for every day given we praise Him and thank Him for what is given...

And grateful He holds us through it all.

happy days...

Whew...what a whirlwind this weekend has been. A fabulous whirlwind, but a whirlwind nonetheless. Let me recap...

Friday night we headed to church for Jason's brother Travis' wedding rehersal. Camryn was so excited that she could barely contain herself. We had made all the prepartions necessary to insure that Camryn would be in a germ free zone and we were very careful.

We got to the church and Camryn just was a ball of energy...Wyatt wasn't so sure about all the frills and such of the wedding, but boy was Camryn into it. All of it! The kids practiced walking down the isle...boy were they cute, all six of them. Yes, Travis and Ali asked all of the little ones to be part of their day which was very sweet. After the rehersal we headed to Jason's parents house for the rehersal dinner...we were very thankful to be at the Mikels house as we could monitor Camryn closely and enjoy the evening. As we ate, chatted and enjoyed the evening I couldn't help but have a million thoughts running through my head of Camryn being here. Almost every event is full of meaning...guess Uncle T's wedding shouldn't be any different.

We said our good-byes and see you bright and early in the morning...and headed home. To say Camryn was excited is an understatement...she couldn't fall asleep, reminded me of a child on Christmas Eve. She was just so excited...

I have mentioned that Camryn was really struggling with isolation and loneliness...well, the thought of being a part of something just *made* it for her. She was thrilled...and her world became full again.

The big day arrived and as instructed we got to the church bright and early for pictures...the boys did their pictures first. Uncle T looked very handsome as did the rest of the Mikels boys...Jason, Rob, Nick, James, Wyatt and Jackson. After the boys were done it was the girls turn...Ali made a beautiful bride and it was wonderful watching Travis smile at her in pure happiness. The little girls looked darling...Camryn, Tori and Riley. Yep, I'm not sure there is a cuter trio out there?! They are pretty cute! After pictures we waited around for the wedding...now with six little ones it was a ton of work to keep them occupied, happy and ready. And this job was mine...yes, I was dubbed the "child wrangler". I must admit that my job was made even harder because I was missing my partner child wrangler Devon who is in the hospital being pregnant and taking care of sweet baby girl. Devon was greatly missed...just wasn't the same without her...Missed you D!

The big moment came...the kids were having melt down after melt down. After all it is 6 kids all under the age of 6. So I guess melt downs come with the territory...I honestly didn't know if they'd make it down the aisle. First ones up Wyatt & Riley...they make quite a duo, a most darling duo if you ask me. The bestest of friends they are and I hope always will be! Second, Jackson & Tori...cute brother, sister duo...they are darling! Last but not least James & Camryn...these two are priceless. Boy, did they take their job seriously...James with the ring pillow and Camryn dropping the petals. I am happy and proud to say all six of them made it down the aisle and did GREAT! They were perfect, and boy was this child wrangler proud!

As we sat and watched Travis and Ali get married, it was a happy moment. To see T get married was a precious moment and a cherished one.

Congratulations Travis & Ali...we are so happy for you! We love you much!

Here are a few pics from our happy days!

Our self-portrait before the rehersal.



Six Blessings...



Riley...Uncle Nick...Wyatt



Rob...Riley...Wyatt



Camryn...Riley...Wyatt



Wyatt & Riley...too special, too cute



Papa & Wyatt



Camryn reading to Riley



Wyatt & Riley



Tori...Papa...Camryn



Would you believe they were chatting about how Camryn lost her hair? It was quite a cute conversation...these two girls are hilarious!



Six Blessings all dressed up



The Bride and the girls



The Groom and the boys


The girls showing off their "BE" bracelets...Blake & Ethan always in our hearts



Camryn & Riley...the classic mirror picture



Four Mikels



Jason & Me



What amazing days...so thankful!