Sometime during the summer this song was sung by a dear friend of mine in church...as she sang these words tears rolled down my cheeks. It was as if her words were being sung straight to my heart, by my heart...
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
~ Blessings by Laura Story
There are times when the struggle of my heart creeps in...oh there are many sunny days now, many days when rain drops don't fall; but there are days when my heart stops suddenly and memories, moments come flooding back.
I have grown to realize that at no time is our journey truly over. The journey changes, becomes about different things, but never over. Someone asked me the other day when Camryn will be cleared from leukemia...the question stopped me. I had not heard the "l" word spoken about Camryn in a long time...and quite honestly the answer is never. Never, which is a very long time.
Our counter is still filled with medicine. Camryn still talks about what made her sick, her juice. Wyatt vaguely remembers a night in the hospital. We still see the doctor once a month. UCLA is still a very real reality.
But, the Lord's incredible blessings come...in the midst of the moments when my heart stops in its tracks. When I'm not sure how we came to be here, but here is where we are and I will forever thank my Lord.
I will never pretend to understand the journey, or the blessings that have come...
I only know that I am humbled, amazed, grateful; and yet, confused, hurt, and doubtful...
And my Lord loves me just the same.
