Tomorrow work starts again...this summer has been amazing, really wonderful! For so many reasons...
* Camryn passed the year post-transplant mark and is doing awesome!
* Wyatt learned to ride his bike!
* Camryn got her line out and stopped the nightly Lovenox shots!
* Wyatt & Camryn got to swim...a lot since we only began this fun in August.
* Jason & I got to be home all summer long with the kids and it was fabulous!
* We got a mini-vacation...a real treat!
But, like all good things summer must come to an end.
So, tomorrow I head back to work and as excited as I am, I am also very sad. I wish that I was preparing for Camryn to go to first grade at school with me. All of this is another lesson in a dream deferred. A dream put off until another day...
I don't think it is accidental that as I was reading Plan B by Pete Wilson that the chapter was about a dream that comes crashing down...there have been many dreams that have crashed, but today I'm wrestling with letting go of the dream of taking Cam to school with me each day.
In the chapter it talks about letting go of control, releasing dreams and letting God be God. It is mulling through my heart and maybe tomorrow I can write more...
But for now...
He's [David] recognizing the reality that all control is simply an illusion and surrender to God is not just the appropriate option but the only option. Just because my will won't be done, he's saying, doesn't mean that God's will won't be done. I'm not going to try to control and maintain what I can't control and maintain. This is not the story I would write, but hey, I'm not God. I will abandon my dream, but not my God. ~ Plan B
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
"be brave"...
It's Tuesday...the fourth Tuesday of the month to be exact, Camryn's clinic appointment.
We got up bright and early which around here does not happen all too often during the summer months...we enjoy sleeping in around here and no one more so than Camryn, she is a sleeper! But, today was an early morning and she was cranky! She did not want to do and wanted nothing to do with getting dressed, going to clinic, but most of all she wanted nothing to do with getting a shot (that's what she calls a blood draw). So, it was a rough start.
Wyatt was up early too as we were dropping him off at my parent's house so he did not have to go to clinic today. Wyatt woke up sweet and cuddly like he always does...this boy just melts my heart in the mornings.
As we were driving over to my parents Camryn was crying about getting a shot and having to go to the doctor...no one blames her for the tears, but we were all trying to be encouraging. Then Wyatt said it...the sweetest words ever...
"Just be brave Camryn...you'll be okay and home with me soon."
And a tear welled up in my eye.
Be Brave.
Camryn got to clinic and was great...so talkative and just a delight. Her doctors concluded that she looked amazing and just so wonderful! We never tire of hearing how great Camryn looks, it's a treat! They decided to start the wean of Camryn's tacrolimus...remember when I said it would be a slow wean, I wasn't lying. From .60mls to .55mls...seriously, slow. But, it's best for Camryn allowing her body to slowly wean to keep any GVH from rushing in and raging throughout her body. Baby steps...slow and steady...Cam will get there.
We also said good-bye to Dr.A today...Dr.A has been a gift to us through Camryn's second journey through transplant. We cherish Dr.A, Camryn's doctor, but at times more like a friend. He has believed when we doubted and challenged us to hope and believe. He has loved Camryn well...and He is truly the most incredible doctor. No words can properly thank Dr.A for everything he has done and meant to us...
We love you Dr.A...always.
After the good-byes we headed to the lab...sigh. The tough part was coming and as soon as we headed back Camryn's mood changed. Thankfully we got one of the best lab techs there and it was quick...oh there were tears and wails, but Camryn survived and was totally fine afterwards.
She was brave.
Brave: possessing or displaying courage; able to face and deal with danger or fear without flinching
Over and over again Camryn has faced things that no child ever should or even an adult for that matter. Sometimes I am amazed when I consider the bravery she has mustered...pokes, x-rays, lines, medicines, ct scans, chemotherapy, radiation, procedures, the list goes on. She has done it, not because she is special (although I think she is just the best). She has done it with grace from her Heavenly Father. There is no other explanation.
She is brave...she will be brave, because her Father loves her so.
After all the little one encouraging her to be brave is one of the greatest gifts her Father will ever give her.
We got up bright and early which around here does not happen all too often during the summer months...we enjoy sleeping in around here and no one more so than Camryn, she is a sleeper! But, today was an early morning and she was cranky! She did not want to do and wanted nothing to do with getting dressed, going to clinic, but most of all she wanted nothing to do with getting a shot (that's what she calls a blood draw). So, it was a rough start.
Wyatt was up early too as we were dropping him off at my parent's house so he did not have to go to clinic today. Wyatt woke up sweet and cuddly like he always does...this boy just melts my heart in the mornings.
As we were driving over to my parents Camryn was crying about getting a shot and having to go to the doctor...no one blames her for the tears, but we were all trying to be encouraging. Then Wyatt said it...the sweetest words ever...
"Just be brave Camryn...you'll be okay and home with me soon."
And a tear welled up in my eye.
Be Brave.
Camryn got to clinic and was great...so talkative and just a delight. Her doctors concluded that she looked amazing and just so wonderful! We never tire of hearing how great Camryn looks, it's a treat! They decided to start the wean of Camryn's tacrolimus...remember when I said it would be a slow wean, I wasn't lying. From .60mls to .55mls...seriously, slow. But, it's best for Camryn allowing her body to slowly wean to keep any GVH from rushing in and raging throughout her body. Baby steps...slow and steady...Cam will get there.
We also said good-bye to Dr.A today...Dr.A has been a gift to us through Camryn's second journey through transplant. We cherish Dr.A, Camryn's doctor, but at times more like a friend. He has believed when we doubted and challenged us to hope and believe. He has loved Camryn well...and He is truly the most incredible doctor. No words can properly thank Dr.A for everything he has done and meant to us...
We love you Dr.A...always.
After the good-byes we headed to the lab...sigh. The tough part was coming and as soon as we headed back Camryn's mood changed. Thankfully we got one of the best lab techs there and it was quick...oh there were tears and wails, but Camryn survived and was totally fine afterwards.
She was brave.
Brave: possessing or displaying courage; able to face and deal with danger or fear without flinching
Over and over again Camryn has faced things that no child ever should or even an adult for that matter. Sometimes I am amazed when I consider the bravery she has mustered...pokes, x-rays, lines, medicines, ct scans, chemotherapy, radiation, procedures, the list goes on. She has done it, not because she is special (although I think she is just the best). She has done it with grace from her Heavenly Father. There is no other explanation.
She is brave...she will be brave, because her Father loves her so.
After all the little one encouraging her to be brave is one of the greatest gifts her Father will ever give her.
Monday, August 23, 2010
perfection...
This afternoon marked four years since Jason walked into Camryn's PICU room to deliver news that would forever change our lives...
Our baby coming in September was a perfect match for Camryn. 10 out of 10.
Tears fell, and tears fall still.
If ever I wonder if the Lord knows, the answer screams out me through a megaphone packaged in a little life that would come later in September.
Wyatt Jason.
Never did I ever imagine that the baby, my Wyatt would be that perfect...10 out of 10. It's amazing...
Amazing how perfect 10 out of 10 can be.
Our baby coming in September was a perfect match for Camryn. 10 out of 10.
Tears fell, and tears fall still.
If ever I wonder if the Lord knows, the answer screams out me through a megaphone packaged in a little life that would come later in September.
Wyatt Jason.
Never did I ever imagine that the baby, my Wyatt would be that perfect...10 out of 10. It's amazing...
Amazing how perfect 10 out of 10 can be.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
worship...
You know those worship songs that just seem to take you into the very essence of heaven? The moments when you just know that you are gathered around the throne of grace and experiencing the beauty of Isaiah 6. When you just might "see the Lord."
A few Saturday nights ago we ventured to church, the new head of school where I work was being introduced and I felt compelled to go. Being that the kids cannot do children's church or those sort of things we sat up in the balcony away from most everyone and the kids had some coloring and snacks so they were ready. As the worship started I was not ready...
Wow, it's been a while since I have felt so compelled to really just let go. I won't lie there is an extremely tenuous battle that rages in me about missing so much. I hate that cancer gets to take things that should not seemingly be affected, but they are. As we sang...I smiled, a smile that truthfully I have not smiled in a long time. The smile of a soul being held by their loving Healer. The music flooded my heart and over and over again healing came...the wounds are deep the scars still ever present, but a loving healing came.
Later as the evening settled in I realized that my Healer is healing me still...it has been a very long road and at times I wonder just how to reconcile it, but that is a futile thought. There is no going back to what might have been, there is no recovering what was lost, there is no moment when this will not be. Cancer has and is never going to be gone...the best most can hope for is remission. Which by definition is the disappearance of the signs and symptoms of cancer, it can be temporary or permanent. Notice there is no cure...no moment when the cancer is gone forever, there is always a chance be it minimal that it could/can come back. I guess the fact that Camryn has relapsed at least three times the ground never feels quite sure.
So this is where I find myself on a pretty regular basis...longing for what was, wrestling with what is and pleading for the wounds to heal.
And healing has come in the form of worship...
Being that I cannot experience church worship on a weekly basis the Lord has opened a new experience...my children worshipping Him.
Let me explain.
That Saturday night that was healing for me, reintroduced Camryn and Wyatt to worship songs and singing at church, they LOVED it! So, we've been listening to a lot more worship songs in the car and the kids sing a long and it is awesome! Wyatt's request is "Blessed Be The Name" and Camryn's request is "My Savior My God". They both sing their little hearts and it is very healing to their Mommy's heart.
Ever since that Saturday night I hear little voices singing all the time...in fact today as Wyatt was playing cars in his room his little voice was singing "blessed by the name of the Lord, blessed by the glorious name..." And listening to his voice was a taste of heaven. Granted Wyatt does not know all the words, but who cares? In my thinking how precious are his heartfelt words to my ears, but how much more precious are they to his Maker's?
And that got me thinking...
The prayers of Camryn and Wyatt are simple, no complexities there. No let me explain this and that to the One who really needs no explanations, but I give them anyway. Simple, concise, real, heartfelt and pure as can be...
And mine?
Full of myself and my own rhetoric of this and that...full of my wants and my explaining to my Maker what He needs to do and very little of my ears listening.
Camryn and Wyatt's worship is untainted...they just sing. No hidden agendas...no ulterior motives, nope it's real.
And mine?
Full of myself and my own thoughts of do I like this song? Is the band good, is this version to my liking and very little focused on to whom I am singing to.
Out of the mouth of babes
My worship, my prayers have been challenged by two little hearts...
And I couldn't be more humbled.
And the letting go? The healing?
It comes...ever so slowly.
But it comes.
A few Saturday nights ago we ventured to church, the new head of school where I work was being introduced and I felt compelled to go. Being that the kids cannot do children's church or those sort of things we sat up in the balcony away from most everyone and the kids had some coloring and snacks so they were ready. As the worship started I was not ready...
Wow, it's been a while since I have felt so compelled to really just let go. I won't lie there is an extremely tenuous battle that rages in me about missing so much. I hate that cancer gets to take things that should not seemingly be affected, but they are. As we sang...I smiled, a smile that truthfully I have not smiled in a long time. The smile of a soul being held by their loving Healer. The music flooded my heart and over and over again healing came...the wounds are deep the scars still ever present, but a loving healing came.
Later as the evening settled in I realized that my Healer is healing me still...it has been a very long road and at times I wonder just how to reconcile it, but that is a futile thought. There is no going back to what might have been, there is no recovering what was lost, there is no moment when this will not be. Cancer has and is never going to be gone...the best most can hope for is remission. Which by definition is the disappearance of the signs and symptoms of cancer, it can be temporary or permanent. Notice there is no cure...no moment when the cancer is gone forever, there is always a chance be it minimal that it could/can come back. I guess the fact that Camryn has relapsed at least three times the ground never feels quite sure.
So this is where I find myself on a pretty regular basis...longing for what was, wrestling with what is and pleading for the wounds to heal.
And healing has come in the form of worship...
Being that I cannot experience church worship on a weekly basis the Lord has opened a new experience...my children worshipping Him.
Let me explain.
That Saturday night that was healing for me, reintroduced Camryn and Wyatt to worship songs and singing at church, they LOVED it! So, we've been listening to a lot more worship songs in the car and the kids sing a long and it is awesome! Wyatt's request is "Blessed Be The Name" and Camryn's request is "My Savior My God". They both sing their little hearts and it is very healing to their Mommy's heart.
Ever since that Saturday night I hear little voices singing all the time...in fact today as Wyatt was playing cars in his room his little voice was singing "blessed by the name of the Lord, blessed by the glorious name..." And listening to his voice was a taste of heaven. Granted Wyatt does not know all the words, but who cares? In my thinking how precious are his heartfelt words to my ears, but how much more precious are they to his Maker's?
And that got me thinking...
The prayers of Camryn and Wyatt are simple, no complexities there. No let me explain this and that to the One who really needs no explanations, but I give them anyway. Simple, concise, real, heartfelt and pure as can be...
And mine?
Full of myself and my own rhetoric of this and that...full of my wants and my explaining to my Maker what He needs to do and very little of my ears listening.
Camryn and Wyatt's worship is untainted...they just sing. No hidden agendas...no ulterior motives, nope it's real.
And mine?
Full of myself and my own thoughts of do I like this song? Is the band good, is this version to my liking and very little focused on to whom I am singing to.
Out of the mouth of babes
My worship, my prayers have been challenged by two little hearts...
And I couldn't be more humbled.
And the letting go? The healing?
It comes...ever so slowly.
But it comes.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
happy birthday...
Happy Birthday to the most wonderful hubby and Daddy in the entire world!
Hope you have a wonderful day and you know that you are loved by the three of us so incredibly much! You have taught us much, carried us, believed for us, loved us and just about done everything else we have ever needed!
We love you SO much!
Happy Birthday...the Lord sure blessed this earth 33 years ago today!
And Happy Birthday to Rob...we are doubly blessed by you too!
Hope you have a wonderful day and you know that you are loved by the three of us so incredibly much! You have taught us much, carried us, believed for us, loved us and just about done everything else we have ever needed!
We love you SO much!
Happy Birthday...the Lord sure blessed this earth 33 years ago today!
And Happy Birthday to Rob...we are doubly blessed by you too!
Friday, August 13, 2010
fresh air...
You know when you breathe deeply, close your eyes and for a brief moment all is well in the world? The past three days were like that for me...it was the freshest air I have breathed, in a long time.
Being that we cannot venture too far away from home and we must go somewhere with a big hospital very close by just in case our vacation destinations are limited...plus, we really cannot go away too long either. With all those variables combined we opted to sneak in a three day get-a-way to San Diego.
The kids love animals so we thought what better place to go than the San Diego zoo...Jason and I went about seven years ago, but we hoped the kids would just love it. Love it they did. Camryn was especially happy that there were a lot of elephants and "they have a very large habitat." This girl cracks me up! She also enjoyed the reptile house, the bug house and all the other snakes she could find. So not her mother's daughter...I stayed clear of those places! Wyatt loved the zebras and the gorillas, "who put their bottoms in my face!" He could not get over the antics of the gorillas. But, their favorite part?
The giant pandas...both of them loved them so much that they decided their treat would be stuffed pandas! They were in awe since "I've never seen a panda in real life before!" Camryn was amazed as the male panda was chomping away on bamboo and just eating and eating! Wyatt loved the little baby with his mama, yep the little guy was a cutie. Both of the kids loved the pandas, but also every other animal in the entire zoo.
Six hours later...yep, the zoo is that big and that great! We headed to our hotel and hoped that the kids would love it just as much as the zoo.
The hotel was great, right on Mission Bay with lots of views of the marina and the beautiful water! Have I mentioned I love bays? I love water...not necessarily beaches, but I love, love, love cities by the bay! It was amazing, the fresh air, the sea breeze, the beautiful views...I loved it! Not to mention that the hotel and I share the same name...Dana.
Our second day was tons of fun...we decided to rent bikes with a child buggy attachment and headed off for a Mission Bay adventure. What fun we had...the kids giggling, enjoying the beautiful sights and us pedaling away. We rode over to a park and the kids played for a bit and then we headed to get lunch. A nice picnic lunch was in store while we watched boats come and go...fresh air and wonderful company, it was fantastic! Off to the pool we headed with the kids, who now are affectionately named "fishes"...they loved the water and just swam and swam.
Our vacation was wonderful, simply wonderful...
The air was fresh, the views were great and our hearts at peace...it's been a wonderful summer. So completely different from last year and really not quite where we'd love to be either; but for now it is where we are. And for a few days in San Diego our hearts mended a bit.
There are lots of scars and lots of lost dreams, but there are also moments when the sky is so blue and you wonder if the clouds will ever come again...it's almost surreal to let your heart believe that the sky can be blue again and that the storm clouds do cease.
We are hopeful for what is ahead...a few days in San Diego truly brought us hope and after all the last four and a half years have brought hope is a welcome gift.
Being that we cannot venture too far away from home and we must go somewhere with a big hospital very close by just in case our vacation destinations are limited...plus, we really cannot go away too long either. With all those variables combined we opted to sneak in a three day get-a-way to San Diego.
The kids love animals so we thought what better place to go than the San Diego zoo...Jason and I went about seven years ago, but we hoped the kids would just love it. Love it they did. Camryn was especially happy that there were a lot of elephants and "they have a very large habitat." This girl cracks me up! She also enjoyed the reptile house, the bug house and all the other snakes she could find. So not her mother's daughter...I stayed clear of those places! Wyatt loved the zebras and the gorillas, "who put their bottoms in my face!" He could not get over the antics of the gorillas. But, their favorite part?
The giant pandas...both of them loved them so much that they decided their treat would be stuffed pandas! They were in awe since "I've never seen a panda in real life before!" Camryn was amazed as the male panda was chomping away on bamboo and just eating and eating! Wyatt loved the little baby with his mama, yep the little guy was a cutie. Both of the kids loved the pandas, but also every other animal in the entire zoo.
Six hours later...yep, the zoo is that big and that great! We headed to our hotel and hoped that the kids would love it just as much as the zoo.
The hotel was great, right on Mission Bay with lots of views of the marina and the beautiful water! Have I mentioned I love bays? I love water...not necessarily beaches, but I love, love, love cities by the bay! It was amazing, the fresh air, the sea breeze, the beautiful views...I loved it! Not to mention that the hotel and I share the same name...Dana.
Our second day was tons of fun...we decided to rent bikes with a child buggy attachment and headed off for a Mission Bay adventure. What fun we had...the kids giggling, enjoying the beautiful sights and us pedaling away. We rode over to a park and the kids played for a bit and then we headed to get lunch. A nice picnic lunch was in store while we watched boats come and go...fresh air and wonderful company, it was fantastic! Off to the pool we headed with the kids, who now are affectionately named "fishes"...they loved the water and just swam and swam.
Our vacation was wonderful, simply wonderful...
The air was fresh, the views were great and our hearts at peace...it's been a wonderful summer. So completely different from last year and really not quite where we'd love to be either; but for now it is where we are. And for a few days in San Diego our hearts mended a bit.
There are lots of scars and lots of lost dreams, but there are also moments when the sky is so blue and you wonder if the clouds will ever come again...it's almost surreal to let your heart believe that the sky can be blue again and that the storm clouds do cease.
We are hopeful for what is ahead...a few days in San Diego truly brought us hope and after all the last four and a half years have brought hope is a welcome gift.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
beautiful days...
The past few days have been simply beautiful...
On Tuesday after a two year hiatus Camryn and Wyatt hit the pool...many thanks to Jason's brother Rob for including us on a swim date. Camryn, Wyatt and Riley had lots of fun swimming. Camryn was very tentative to begin with...she has not been in a pool for two years! She was scared, but soon enough she warmed up and did great! Jason and I were very proud of Cam...she enjoyed it very much. Wyatt was scared...he only went swimming once last summer so really the last time he was really in the water was before he was two, so he was a bit rusty. :) After while he did better, but it'll take him a little longer to trust this new activity!
It was really wonderful to see Camryn enjoy an activity of such normalcy...really it was perfect!
That evening we headed over to the Aust's for dinner...what fun we had! Honestly, I think Camryn & Wyatt could just move right in with K, T & E...really they would do just fine, well maybe until it was time for bed. But, they certainly love time spent with the Aust's...it's some of their most favorite times in the world!
On Wednesday we were invited to one of most favorite family's houses for lunch and some swimming...the Leonards. I used to babysit for the Leonards oh some 15 years ago...how does time pass so quickly? We had a lovely day...a wonderful lunch, fun swimming, lots of chatting and just time together. Camryn found a new friend in M and fell asleep and they took a long nap together, it was quite precious! Wyatt found a new friend in S and they read book after book together and ate lots of cookies and watermelon! Meanwhile, Jason and I enjoyed talking with Mom Leonard and K...it was simply a blessed day had by all. We are incredibly thankful for their family and what those three beautiful girls mean to our kids, it's priceless.
Today we headed to the park to meet my cousin Kristi and her daughters for a very fun day. Camryn and Natasha enjoyed the playground and the water play area...they had so much fun together. Running, playing and just being friends...it was wonderful. Wyatt was not a fan of the water play area, but thoroughly enjoyed the playground and had fun hunting bugs with Katrina. It was nice to sit and catch up with my cousin and just chat...I have missed those family moments so it was wonderful.
These past few days have been a blessing to our hearts...
Granted I took pictures, but for some reason they will not upload to my computer! Grrrr...not sure what that's all about. I will post them once I figure out what is going on with my camera and computer! Isn't technology grand?!
The Lord is good...always knowing what we need and when we need it. Thankful for the healing of the last couple days...
Just what our weary hearts need...
On Tuesday after a two year hiatus Camryn and Wyatt hit the pool...many thanks to Jason's brother Rob for including us on a swim date. Camryn, Wyatt and Riley had lots of fun swimming. Camryn was very tentative to begin with...she has not been in a pool for two years! She was scared, but soon enough she warmed up and did great! Jason and I were very proud of Cam...she enjoyed it very much. Wyatt was scared...he only went swimming once last summer so really the last time he was really in the water was before he was two, so he was a bit rusty. :) After while he did better, but it'll take him a little longer to trust this new activity!
It was really wonderful to see Camryn enjoy an activity of such normalcy...really it was perfect!
That evening we headed over to the Aust's for dinner...what fun we had! Honestly, I think Camryn & Wyatt could just move right in with K, T & E...really they would do just fine, well maybe until it was time for bed. But, they certainly love time spent with the Aust's...it's some of their most favorite times in the world!
On Wednesday we were invited to one of most favorite family's houses for lunch and some swimming...the Leonards. I used to babysit for the Leonards oh some 15 years ago...how does time pass so quickly? We had a lovely day...a wonderful lunch, fun swimming, lots of chatting and just time together. Camryn found a new friend in M and fell asleep and they took a long nap together, it was quite precious! Wyatt found a new friend in S and they read book after book together and ate lots of cookies and watermelon! Meanwhile, Jason and I enjoyed talking with Mom Leonard and K...it was simply a blessed day had by all. We are incredibly thankful for their family and what those three beautiful girls mean to our kids, it's priceless.
Today we headed to the park to meet my cousin Kristi and her daughters for a very fun day. Camryn and Natasha enjoyed the playground and the water play area...they had so much fun together. Running, playing and just being friends...it was wonderful. Wyatt was not a fan of the water play area, but thoroughly enjoyed the playground and had fun hunting bugs with Katrina. It was nice to sit and catch up with my cousin and just chat...I have missed those family moments so it was wonderful.
These past few days have been a blessing to our hearts...
Granted I took pictures, but for some reason they will not upload to my computer! Grrrr...not sure what that's all about. I will post them once I figure out what is going on with my camera and computer! Isn't technology grand?!
The Lord is good...always knowing what we need and when we need it. Thankful for the healing of the last couple days...
Just what our weary hearts need...
Monday, August 2, 2010
august...
How did it come to be August already? Wow, the summer is certainly flying by...but thankfully we've still got lots of days ahead of us unlike some kids heading back to school in the next few weeks. I don't head back until the last week in August; Jason and Camryn head back after Labor Day. So there is much summer left to be had...and one of the highlights...swimming!
We have yet to go swimming, but it's on our agenda for this week...we are so excited! None, more so than Camryn...today, she was trying to pick out which swim suit to wear. Yeah, she's not excited at all. And today we picked up some floaties for Wyatt...yeah, he only went swimming once last summer so he's in need of some new gear. :)
Our weekend was nice...
Saturday we hung out at home, got some cleaning and laundry done...then that evening we went to our friends house to wish their daughter K a happy sent off to college in Nebraska! It was a wonderful time with friends...Camryn and Wyatt both thoroughly enjoyed playing outside with friends who they haven't seen in a while and just being around people. Yes, these little tastes of life are quite delicious...but, sadly just too far and few between.
That's what hit me on Sunday...in as much as I was bummed that Camryn will not be starting traditional school in the fall it also means that we will not be back at church or in large social circles for at least six more months either. Sunday morning it hit me just how incredibly long this journey is...
There is much that is missed and many times people will say, "oh it's not too much longer...only a little while more...you'll get there." Which are all very true statements, but really they don't offer much comfort when from my perspective it's been four and a half years and by the time the doctors re-evaluate it all...FIVE years.
Five years of moving in and out of life...so Sunday morning was hard, but as I've learned the Lord is never too far away and He is not through yet. We hung out for most of the day and went out to dinner just for some fun, it's nice in the summer to be able to just go and do a few things...I love that. Plus, our friends whose house we went to on Saturday invited us over again...apparently there was peach cobbler untouched and they invited us for some more dessert. It was truly an unexpected blessing to be amongst some friends in a vastly different season of life, but it was truly so healing for my heart...the Lord knew, He always knows.
Sometimes it is hard for me to be amongst moms who are going and doing with their kids, no fault of theirs at all...but, that is not an experience I can share. I used to, but I can't anymore...maybe someday.
And that's really it...we are waiting on someday and yet trying to live this day too. It's a weird balance and one that unless you've been there probably is hard to understand. We tell ourselves someday this or that...but, for a heart that has heard someday for four and a half years it just isn't as easy anymore.
So, it's August and we have a month of today's to live and I'm thrilled...Jason and I are trying to put someday where it belongs and do the best we can with today. Plans are hard to make when you realize that no matter what you want there really is no telling where life will take you...
We have yet to go swimming, but it's on our agenda for this week...we are so excited! None, more so than Camryn...today, she was trying to pick out which swim suit to wear. Yeah, she's not excited at all. And today we picked up some floaties for Wyatt...yeah, he only went swimming once last summer so he's in need of some new gear. :)
Our weekend was nice...
Saturday we hung out at home, got some cleaning and laundry done...then that evening we went to our friends house to wish their daughter K a happy sent off to college in Nebraska! It was a wonderful time with friends...Camryn and Wyatt both thoroughly enjoyed playing outside with friends who they haven't seen in a while and just being around people. Yes, these little tastes of life are quite delicious...but, sadly just too far and few between.
That's what hit me on Sunday...in as much as I was bummed that Camryn will not be starting traditional school in the fall it also means that we will not be back at church or in large social circles for at least six more months either. Sunday morning it hit me just how incredibly long this journey is...
There is much that is missed and many times people will say, "oh it's not too much longer...only a little while more...you'll get there." Which are all very true statements, but really they don't offer much comfort when from my perspective it's been four and a half years and by the time the doctors re-evaluate it all...FIVE years.
Five years of moving in and out of life...so Sunday morning was hard, but as I've learned the Lord is never too far away and He is not through yet. We hung out for most of the day and went out to dinner just for some fun, it's nice in the summer to be able to just go and do a few things...I love that. Plus, our friends whose house we went to on Saturday invited us over again...apparently there was peach cobbler untouched and they invited us for some more dessert. It was truly an unexpected blessing to be amongst some friends in a vastly different season of life, but it was truly so healing for my heart...the Lord knew, He always knows.
Sometimes it is hard for me to be amongst moms who are going and doing with their kids, no fault of theirs at all...but, that is not an experience I can share. I used to, but I can't anymore...maybe someday.
And that's really it...we are waiting on someday and yet trying to live this day too. It's a weird balance and one that unless you've been there probably is hard to understand. We tell ourselves someday this or that...but, for a heart that has heard someday for four and a half years it just isn't as easy anymore.
So, it's August and we have a month of today's to live and I'm thrilled...Jason and I are trying to put someday where it belongs and do the best we can with today. Plans are hard to make when you realize that no matter what you want there really is no telling where life will take you...
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