This past Thursday was Meet the Teacher Night...it was with great anticipation that this night came. One for this momma who has waited for the day to take a very special little girl to meet her teacher...and now that little girl is in 2nd grade! Two for this same momma who is sending her baby to kindergarten...how in the world did that happen?! Third for this same momma who earns a living teaching 8th grade students the finer points of U.S. History. Yep, all of that rolled into one night!
Here's the bullet list of the night...
* Extreme heat...my children handle heat differently. Camryn does okay, she runs a bit cooler than oh say Wyatt. Wyatt just withers, he cannot handle and he has a sweaty mess the whole evening.
* Hanging out...our family for the first time hung out as a complete family. The last couple years I did not enjoy Meet the Teacher as it was just another reminder that Camryn was sick and that her life was not normal. But, not this year! She looked and acted like any other 2nd grader...it was amazing!
* The prayer circle which is a very cool tradition, to lay the school year at the Lord's feet asking Him to guide us as we "attempt and expect" great things from Him.
* Kindergarten...We headed down to the Kindy building to meet Wyatt's teacher. Wyatt has Mrs.L is year, what a treat! He walked in and found his desk, his cubby, and did the little scavenger hunt Mrs.L had for them. It was darling! I could not believe that our little guy was starting school...yikes! Hard to believe it all...there is just so much of this momma's heart wrapped up in our little guy to see him take this next step of growing up as me a bit teary. I may or may not cry tomorrow the first day of school...I am pretty sure I will. Wyatt is ready with his nap mat, his backpack, lunch box, paint shirt...he is ready. He loves Mrs.L as she has been a friend for a long while and he knows a few friends. In fact he saw his friends R & T from summer school and they were very excited to see him...R is in his class and I'm sure they will be big friends throughout the year.
* Second grade...Camryn walked to Mrs.B's room and was so excited to find her desk and to see that she is sitting by the one little girl she knows in the class K. Mrs. B was my second grade teacher so I know Camryn is in great hands...she'll have so much fun! Camryn checked out her desk, books, papers and enjoyed the entire experience. She is nervous, but so excited! She met a little girl S who is also new and Camryn wants to make sure S is okay and she is hoping that K & S will become her good friends. I probably don't need to say that it is beyond our wildest dreams that Camryn is going to school, real school...I don't think it will fully hit me until tomorrow morning when she walks in her room. I am so proud of her...so excited for her...this is one of the greatest marks for her that she is well and there are not enough words to capture that.
We could not be happier for Camryn & Wyatt...their story is beginning a new chapter and it feels so good and yet so odd all rolled into one. We are so thrilled to be starting something new and different...no longer dictated by hospitals, doctors, and medicines. The air is different and it is a gift beyond measure.
God is good.
He has carried us to this point, and He will continue to. But, the glory for all of this is His.
God is good.
Beyond anything else that is what is rolling through my head and heart...
This journey began almost 5 1/2 years ago and now it is changing...
In His goodness it is changing.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
{like} home...
It's Tuesday...
Yep, a clinic visit was on the schedule for today and since Jason and I are both off work we decided to both go with Camryn. Maybe it was the fact that we both needed/wanted to hear the words we are still celebrating..."Camryn can go to real school."
We made it down to clinic in great time, said our usual "hellos" and headed to our usual spot. For some reason today Camryn looked really grown-up to me...maybe it's the fact that the chair the kids sit in to get their vitals used to look huge when Camryn was two and now the chair fits her. It is weird to be traveling the same halls month after month for the past 58 months. While we waited in the eerily quiet clinic, Camryn drew pictures and enjoyed having both her mommy & daddy with her. In a few minutes Dr.B came in to do our initial check-up...everything looked great. We talked about medicines, therapy, immunizations, and school...all conversations that we haven't had in a long time, wait never. A few minutes later Dr.M came in...Camryn's face lit up, like it always has since she was two. Not sure there is a doctor in the world who means as much to a seven-year-old. She loves him.
Dr.M congratulated Camryn on getting to go to school...he said that her immunity cells looked great. In fact she has a large number of helper cells the kind he was hopeful to find...and those are the magic that allow Camryn to go to school. He said they would go down on her tacrolimus and then start working on getting some of the other medicines down in the next few months. We were also given a list of immunizations that are okay for her to begin...this is great news! Not to great for Camryn as she has started the immunization process when she was a baby, again at 4, and now again at 7...yikes! But, we are so thankful...so thankful.
Camryn's appointment went super...the lab draw went great and then we had to wait a little while for her prescription to be filled. So we walked over to the "big" hospital. As we were walking over Camryn said, "I spent a lot of nights in this building...". Yes, you have...almost enough to be home. Not really, but in a way UCLA feels {like} home.
I won't lie I had a knot in my stomach today, guess I was waiting for the shoe to drop, for the doctors to say they'd changed their minds and she could not go to school. I know I should think positive...but, it's hard and it is a battle.
But, I am thankful that the battle happens at a place I know so well...
So after we got home and picked up Wyatt we went shoe shopping for school...yep, it was fantastic.
It's really happening...
And in an odd way there will always be a piece of us at UCLA, no matter how well Camryn gets.
Yep, a clinic visit was on the schedule for today and since Jason and I are both off work we decided to both go with Camryn. Maybe it was the fact that we both needed/wanted to hear the words we are still celebrating..."Camryn can go to real school."
We made it down to clinic in great time, said our usual "hellos" and headed to our usual spot. For some reason today Camryn looked really grown-up to me...maybe it's the fact that the chair the kids sit in to get their vitals used to look huge when Camryn was two and now the chair fits her. It is weird to be traveling the same halls month after month for the past 58 months. While we waited in the eerily quiet clinic, Camryn drew pictures and enjoyed having both her mommy & daddy with her. In a few minutes Dr.B came in to do our initial check-up...everything looked great. We talked about medicines, therapy, immunizations, and school...all conversations that we haven't had in a long time, wait never. A few minutes later Dr.M came in...Camryn's face lit up, like it always has since she was two. Not sure there is a doctor in the world who means as much to a seven-year-old. She loves him.
Dr.M congratulated Camryn on getting to go to school...he said that her immunity cells looked great. In fact she has a large number of helper cells the kind he was hopeful to find...and those are the magic that allow Camryn to go to school. He said they would go down on her tacrolimus and then start working on getting some of the other medicines down in the next few months. We were also given a list of immunizations that are okay for her to begin...this is great news! Not to great for Camryn as she has started the immunization process when she was a baby, again at 4, and now again at 7...yikes! But, we are so thankful...so thankful.
Camryn's appointment went super...the lab draw went great and then we had to wait a little while for her prescription to be filled. So we walked over to the "big" hospital. As we were walking over Camryn said, "I spent a lot of nights in this building...". Yes, you have...almost enough to be home. Not really, but in a way UCLA feels {like} home.
I won't lie I had a knot in my stomach today, guess I was waiting for the shoe to drop, for the doctors to say they'd changed their minds and she could not go to school. I know I should think positive...but, it's hard and it is a battle.
But, I am thankful that the battle happens at a place I know so well...
So after we got home and picked up Wyatt we went shoe shopping for school...yep, it was fantastic.
It's really happening...
And in an odd way there will always be a piece of us at UCLA, no matter how well Camryn gets.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
a {real} school girl...
There is an air of anticipation swirling in our house, we've got lots going on...
From the demo to the laying of the foundation of our addition...
A port-a-potty in my driveway...classy, I know!
To a little boy brimming with excitement that school starts August 29th!
To a shy, reserved little girl who doesn't quite know what to do with herself.
I knew the news of last Wednesday would take awhile to settle in, not only on my heart; but more importantly on the little girl who lives the life she does. My heart has ebbed and flowed from joyful tears, to the dam that held back the tears breaking...I had buried in the very depths of my heart the thought of my little girl going to school. Those dreams were buried in 2009 and I made a promise to myself then that I would not allow myself to dig them up; that someone else would have to do the digging.
You see there is a part of this journey through leukemia that just waits...until the moments come again. While we were preparing our little boy to go to kindergarten there was a lot of burying going on...daily in fact. Daily I asked the Lord to give me new dreams and help me let go of the old ones. Daily. As the summer wore on and our little guy got ready I was finding it hard to keep all those buried things in check...remember, Lord I want/need new dreams? I'm sure He is smiling now.
So, when the call came of yes my heart did not know what to do...because, in almost every area of life my great nemesis is fear. What if I allow myself to be happy and excited only to have the dream come crashing down? I cannot do that again. What if I allow Camryn to dream those big dream and have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart if that dream does not come true? Fear, quite frankly stinks. I have lived with it for awhile and if I'm honest battling my way through it.
But, I swallowed hard and grabbed my shovel and dug up the dream...
And you know what? It is as fresh and new as it was the first time...only that much sweeter for having been grown deep in my heart.
We filled out paper work, got official enrollment things done, signed waivers, wrote checks, and today took a step that made it as real as can be...a little girl tested. Camryn walked into the office and was greeted by my second grade teacher, who in my humble opinion was the absolute best. I have the fondest memories of my time spent in room 34, so to see her face made my heart just smile. Mrs.B introduced herself and Camryn timidly went with her...Camryn was nervous, very nervous.
As I sat waiting for Camryn I lost myself in thought as I looked at the trees of the school, the field, the playground...remembering 29 years ago when a little girl roamed these very places. I thanked Jesus for giving us this. All of this. Are we nervous, yes, of course...this is new and scary for all of us. But, it is good and it is sweet.
After the testing we received good news that she did great and warmed up right away...she was a "great problem solver and good reader". My heart smiled...many thanks to Miss F, Mrs.W, and Teacher S...you should be proud of your little student. On the way home Camryn said she is nervous for real school as she has never done this...I guess at 7 it isn't the separation anxiety, it is just the social anxiety. She is worried about making friends, knowing what to do, and finding the right place for herself...a lot for a little heart to carry.
Later this afternoon we went and picked up a few uniform pieces...And as that sweet little girl was trying on her school uniform she looked in the mirror and said, "Wow, mom I am a real school girl" with the biggest smile ever.
I imagine as big as my smile was it pales in comparison to Jesus' as I'm sure He was saying...
"Yes, you are my sweet girl. Yes, you are."
From the demo to the laying of the foundation of our addition...
A port-a-potty in my driveway...classy, I know!
To a little boy brimming with excitement that school starts August 29th!
To a shy, reserved little girl who doesn't quite know what to do with herself.
I knew the news of last Wednesday would take awhile to settle in, not only on my heart; but more importantly on the little girl who lives the life she does. My heart has ebbed and flowed from joyful tears, to the dam that held back the tears breaking...I had buried in the very depths of my heart the thought of my little girl going to school. Those dreams were buried in 2009 and I made a promise to myself then that I would not allow myself to dig them up; that someone else would have to do the digging.
You see there is a part of this journey through leukemia that just waits...until the moments come again. While we were preparing our little boy to go to kindergarten there was a lot of burying going on...daily in fact. Daily I asked the Lord to give me new dreams and help me let go of the old ones. Daily. As the summer wore on and our little guy got ready I was finding it hard to keep all those buried things in check...remember, Lord I want/need new dreams? I'm sure He is smiling now.
So, when the call came of yes my heart did not know what to do...because, in almost every area of life my great nemesis is fear. What if I allow myself to be happy and excited only to have the dream come crashing down? I cannot do that again. What if I allow Camryn to dream those big dream and have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart if that dream does not come true? Fear, quite frankly stinks. I have lived with it for awhile and if I'm honest battling my way through it.
But, I swallowed hard and grabbed my shovel and dug up the dream...
And you know what? It is as fresh and new as it was the first time...only that much sweeter for having been grown deep in my heart.
We filled out paper work, got official enrollment things done, signed waivers, wrote checks, and today took a step that made it as real as can be...a little girl tested. Camryn walked into the office and was greeted by my second grade teacher, who in my humble opinion was the absolute best. I have the fondest memories of my time spent in room 34, so to see her face made my heart just smile. Mrs.B introduced herself and Camryn timidly went with her...Camryn was nervous, very nervous.
As I sat waiting for Camryn I lost myself in thought as I looked at the trees of the school, the field, the playground...remembering 29 years ago when a little girl roamed these very places. I thanked Jesus for giving us this. All of this. Are we nervous, yes, of course...this is new and scary for all of us. But, it is good and it is sweet.
After the testing we received good news that she did great and warmed up right away...she was a "great problem solver and good reader". My heart smiled...many thanks to Miss F, Mrs.W, and Teacher S...you should be proud of your little student. On the way home Camryn said she is nervous for real school as she has never done this...I guess at 7 it isn't the separation anxiety, it is just the social anxiety. She is worried about making friends, knowing what to do, and finding the right place for herself...a lot for a little heart to carry.
Later this afternoon we went and picked up a few uniform pieces...And as that sweet little girl was trying on her school uniform she looked in the mirror and said, "Wow, mom I am a real school girl" with the biggest smile ever.
I imagine as big as my smile was it pales in comparison to Jesus' as I'm sure He was saying...
"Yes, you are my sweet girl. Yes, you are."
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