2.17...

Forever etched in my heart is the events of a year ago today...

Camryn's labs had been struggling and a bone marrow aspiration was the only way to rule out that her leukemia had returned. As we sat and listened to Dr.M explain the possible outcomes and the reality that most likely her leukemia had returned the bottom of our world fell out. There are no other words to describe it.

And yet today...

A year later as I walked into the medical building to have Camryn's labs draw memories came flooding back. Memories of staring out the window as Camryn was resting after her aspiration with tears running down my cheeks, searching for answers as to "how could this have happened?". Wrestling with the realities of what this all would mean. Trying to grasp the fact that yet again our little girl was going to battle a foe that did not play fair and a foe who would do everything in it's power to completely consume her.

We walked into the procedure center and had Camryn's labs drawn and it's as if the Lord kept reminding me...that today is a different day. That where Camryn is today is an absolute gift...a miracle.

The journey of this past year has been a roller coaster and quite possibly the toughest year throughout Camryn's entire journey. I wish I could say that the worst is behind us, but that is something that I cannot say. What I can say is we have learned to live day by day...grateful for the moments, grateful for the laughter and learning to live with the tears. Knowing that we are not promised an easy road, but we are promised the Lord's faithfulness throughout the journey.

I will not sugar-coat it, the journey through childhood cancer is quite frankly a hell all it's own. And throughout this year we have found ourselves battling through feelings that we thought we had overcome long ago only to find ourselves face to face again. Yet, thankfully Camryn is on her way to day +300, her labs are stable and the weaning of medicine has begun. Oh, how I wish it were a quicker journey, it just isn't.

There is no hurrying during this journey...waiting, patience, faith, trust. Yes, those are the words, but quick, hurry...nope not so much.

A year ago we put Camryn to bed wondering what the next few days would hold...and tonight we put her to bed believing that the next few days hold much more hope.

A year since relapse...

What a difference a year makes.