comfortable

You know that feeling when a place just becomes comfortable? The people there become like friends...you know where things are...you know where to go. You know who to call if something isn't quite right. You know that feeling when you finally have settled into a place and feel somewhat at "home".

When I left home and went to college I remember feeling very familiar by the time I was a senior...I had traveled for four years and I knew my way around. I knew the shortcuts, I knew the right people if you will...yes, college had become "home".

When I first started teaching I felt very ignorant of all the ways of a teacher. The learning curve was great and oh how I wish I knew then what I know now, but those first batch of students back in 1998 wow...they became "home".

When Jason and I first got married and lived in our little apartment and wondered what our life together would look like...we dreamed big dreams and we enjoyed the simple nature of our small little life. Yes, our apartment had become "home".

And now we've lived in our home for four years and yes it is very much home...we are comfortable here, we like the way it feels to walk in the door. A place to belong and know that you matter...yes, our home is very much our "home".

As ironic as it is UCLA has become that for us...yes it is a medical center, yes there are a lot of sick people there, yes it is large, yes it would be so very easy to get lost in the shuffle. But, you know what? We aren't.

Today when Camryn and I headed to the lab for an EKG before clinic I walked up to the counter and the man behind it smiled. I said the usual "Camryn Mikels...M I K E L S for an EKG." "Peds Hemoc" he replies. I confirm and he looks through the file...there is no EKG slip, but there is a lab slip. We don't get our labs there anymore so there must have been a mix up in paperwork. I smiled and said, "Do I need to run up to clinic and get an EKG slip?"..."No, I'll make you one." Now I don't know if he does that for everyone, but how many four year olds do you know that get two EKGs a week? Not too many...anyways, he was so nice and filled out the paper and was just wonderful. We got back to the EKG room and waited. As we waited numerous lab techs came by to say hi to Camryn...yes, she has a following in the lab evidently.

After her EKG we headed up to clinic to check in. Yes, the kind lady at the check in desk knows our name and already has our papers out when we get to the window. She asked how we are...did we have a nice weekend? Honestly, she does not do this with everyone, but I guess when you see someone every day for weeks they become familiar. Our paperwork was for the wrong module so we went to our normal module and the nurse smiled, said hi and quickly said that she would check it out for us. Seriously, today I was just overwhelmed with the care of the little things.

We headed to our clinic room and did her vitals and weight...Camryn's gaining weight which seemed to be the highlight of the day! Yay...as she lost quite a bit when she was in the hospital earlier. Camryn wanted Nurse Charlotte to draw her labs so over to the procedure center we went...yes, Camryn loves to see the gang over there. I guess that's good since we'll be back there on Monday for another 4 weeks.

We chatted with Kristen and Dr. A who were both very happy with how Camryn was looking and acting. We got Camryn's labs which look really good and are holding well. We are so thankful that her clotting factors are holding well and she will be able to do her first week of arsenic treatment as an out-patient.

As we got ready to leave Camryn wanted to go say her good-byes to everyone and I mean everyone. It's funny to me that she really has come to be comfortable and at "home" at clinic, but more than that with her nurses and doctors. They care for her in ways that are just amazing to me. The debt we owe them could never be replayed...they have done more for Camryn then they've had too, they've gone above and beyond.

Jason asked me tonight if I was comfortable at UCLA with everyone and my quick answer is absolutely. I don't mind going down and seeing everyone, after all they are like my "friends". You see when your world becomes small your friendships do too...I find that I enjoy my chats with her doctors and nurses, I think because they get it.

The comfort comes from a sense of knowing...the people at UCLA understand that Camryn is sick, there is no need to explain. There is no need to offer words of explaination, they understand and that brings comfort like nothing else.

So, thank you...thank you to the people at UCLA who has brought a sense of comfort to us even in the midst of the storm raging. Who walk with us every step of the way knowing that this journey stinks. It's not fun...really it isn't. There are moments of utter despair and moments of joy; and for all of those we share them with nurses and doctors who care too. I've cried with Camryn's team and I've laughed with them...I've been angry and I've been completely fine...I've been a mother fighting for her child's survival and I've been an mother doing the best I can...For all that we've been through we've been very comfortable.

Or at least as comfortable as we can be...

And for that I thank the Lord.