breathing deeply

This weekend was the breath of fresh air that this Mikels family needed...after the ups and downs of the week, a nice quiet weekend was in order.

On Saturday me and my girlfriends had a spa day, we had planned it back in February; but February always seems to be the month where our life takes drastic turns. Anyways, we rescheduled for this Saturday and what a lovely day we had. Honestly, time with just the girls is so refreshing...chatting, chatting and more chatting. It was an amazing day to just relax and take a deep breath.

While I was being pampered at the spa Jason headed out to the zoo with the kids. He had mentioned that he might take them and I smiled, knowing that a day at the zoo with a 4 year old and a 2 year old can be quite a challenge. Well, he was up to the challenge. They had lunch at McDonald's...a day at the zoo...and ice cream Baskin Robbins to end the day. From what I heard they had an amazing day just fun with their Daddy...and he had an amazing day with them. Yes, it was a breath of fresh air.

Today we've just been here at home catching up on little odds and ends here and there that needed to be done. Cleaning and organizing...and all that fun stuff. It was a very quiet, low key day and yes it was the breath of fresh air we needed.

This weekend has caused me to pause a bit and catch my breath...my heart was so nervous and anxious to start this whole transplant process. And now it's roughly 8 weeks away...pause heart...find your bearings again. I am finding that now I am looking at the world a little differently, I am not as anxious and I'm feeling much more at ease with waiting another 8 weeks.

Call it peace, call it trust...whatever you call it call it my Heavenly Father. He has met me in ways these past few days that leave me in awe of His care and concern for me. At times I admit that I feel lost in the shuffle, how in the world is He mindful of all the details of my life and so and so's life and on and on...but He is. I had ordered some books and they arrived yesterday...and I began to look at them and yes, I believe these are some of the pages I need to be reading these next 8 weeks...I need to begin to really unpack the grace He is lavishing on me throughout this journey. Even though this journey is hard, it's devastating and heart breaking...He knows and He is there filling moments with grace.

I know that there are ebbs and flows to this journey, one cannot hear that their child has relapsed and is again fighting leukemia without a range of emotions that is hard to manage...but, I also know that within this journey there is an uncanny presence of the Lord and His love for us, His love for Camryn that I cannot deny.

Oh, the Lord and I dialogue and I am constantly begging Him to give me perspective, help me see...to give me the strength to take the steps necessary for each moment and He does, He always does.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the bird of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value then they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he no much more clothe you - you of little faith?...But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

~Matthew 7:25 - 33

In light of His care for me...I will breath deeply His love and rest in the promises of His word.