june

June is here...most likely the month that will be spent in the hospital. I have my own secret desires of being home by July...but, we'll see. As we know nothing is fast in bone marrow transplants...day by day, it doesn't get any quicker than that.

Camryn has had a really good day today, she received her first round of chemo on Saturday and Sunday and then this morning she started the second one. Both chemos are really potent and she is one round the clock meds to counter any side-effects. As of right now Camryn is doing well, no nausea or anything like that...so thankful for the iv meds and the patch she is wearing. Her appetite is starting to show the affects of the meds...not eating too much, still eating a little so we'll keep encouraging her.

The doctors are pleased that Camryn is doing exactly what they expect and want to see her doing pre-transplant...so that's encouraging.

As of right now we are fever free and we continually pray that will hold...no fevers would be awesome, we know they will likely come, but it can't hurt to ask the Lord to protect her right? So we do...we pray that HE will continue to hold her and protect her from all the possible things and the list of possibilities is long. Today K our nurse practioner brought by the copies of our signed consents for both Camryn and Wyatt's procedures...it is not the most uplifting reading as it lists all the risks and side-effects of everything. Yes, we are going into this with our eyes wide open...we know that this is not an easy road...it is far from quick.

In fact as I sit in Cam's room with her looking out our window to the world watching people come and go...I realize that again our lives have taken a few steps backwards. We will be in isolation for awhile...a long while. We will begin to screen people through the "have you been sick lately" screen...we will avoid kid places and people with kids...yes, isolation is upon us. Once Cam has her transplant the list of visitors drops dramatically...but, really it is a small price to pay, all be it a price nonetheless.

Been having a hard time the last few days just realizing that transplant is upon us and we are really here. Our nurses again have become friends and I find that I enjoy chatting with them...I look forward to seeing who is on for the day and chatting with our hospital world...but, I miss life outside of these walls.

And yet life inside these walls is pretty sweet at times, times spent with Cam and Wy...times when all that this is a little girl, a little boy and quietness. Times when the world has seemed to stop...and all that is, is what is right in front of us.

A fighter...A donor and a journey together.

I was reminded today of a song that I absolutely LOVE...it has been sung in my heart for more than 3 years...

All I Can Say...

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet


Because it's true...there are moments when all I can say is simply not much...and then He is there. He is holding us through it all, through the highs, the lows and all the moments in between.

Yet, in the in between moments, the moments when the clock seems to stand still, the lights of the room seems oh so dull, the noises in the hallways silence...the moments when I wonder...

Is anyone really there?

Is anyone really in all of these moments?

And HE is...

Because it's true...He is holding us, He is crying with us, and He is meeting our needs.

It's June...almost been four months since the relapse journey began...and we are hopeful that throughout the days of June He will continue to be, everything we need Him to be.