day +8...a family hug

The four Mikels have something we like to call a family hug...the four of us wrap our arms around each other and put our heads together and smile, laugh and enjoy family...well, today was our first family hug in a long while and it felt really good.

Wyatt came down to the hospital with Daddy today to visit with Camryn and me...boy was he a breath of fresh air for Camryn. Although Camryn wasn't much for playing at first as she was getting a blood transfusion and was pretty knocked by the benadryl; but soon enough those blue eyes perked up and her and Wyatt enjoyed the day together. They played with the flashlights, watched tv, played on the computer, played puzzles and just hung out. I would say that they had a very good day...

This morning as Dr.M and Dr.W came to visit we chatted about how well Camryn seems to be doing...Dr.M said he couldn't be more pleased with her progress and truly it's wonderful to hear. Seeing Camryn so very sick is difficult and hearing that she is making progress in the right direction is awesome. As we wait for more counts to come in we approach the next hurdle...Dr.M talked with me today about this hurdle, GVH. But right now Camryn continues to do better than well...with only one antibiotic running, while most of the time there are at least two or three by now. We are praying and hoping that we can get an absolute neutrophil count (ANC) of 500 before any fevers come...or better yet no fevers at all!

Camryn had a bit of a rash on her face and a scratch on her nose that were pretty red this week, and today they are much better...a tribute to those white cells working. Our bodies are truly amazing!

All in all Camryn is doing well...still very hard moments, but she is five enduring what no child should ever have to...so we'll cut her some slack. Camryn's hair has officially fallen out...she's got her darling little bald head. I won't lie she is very self-conscious about it...she is embarrassed, and sad. She asked me today if she looked the same when she was two...I told her I would bring her pictures tomorrow and she could check them out. Trying our best for her...when she was two she wasn't as aware of all of it, but at five she is very aware and knows that she looks different from everyone else.

Dr.A also stopped by today just for a social visit...he was very encouraged by Camryn's progress and said that we should see numbers soon as marrow comes in so much faster. I told Jason that when I got home I would check out Cam's lab sheets from her first transplant and see when we started seeing an ANC...well, it was on Day+17 when we started seeing numbers...and we are hoping to maybe see number at Day+10 or so...I guess they aren't kidding that marrow is faster, it's much faster.

We are pretty anxious to start seeing numbers and to get through the next hurdle...I think we are slightly, beginning to see that there might be light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, we are no where near going home or anything like that; but we are starting to see that the days are passing and Camryn is fighting...we'll get there.

There have been countless ways that the Lord continues to reveal Himself to us...even though Camryn is doing better the tears still come. As I was driving away today I just broke down...I'm tired, we're tired of our disconnected, disjointed life. Tired of only tucking in one child at a time, tired of talking via video chats and cell phones...just tired. And yet we are thankful for those things...thankful that we have people willing to help with Wyatt to make it possible for us to be there with Camryn. Thankful that we are able to take care of our children as best as possible...thankful for the video chats, thankful for the cell phones. I guess it's more tired...just tired.

This is a hard road, not really knowing who can identify with it all...trying to realize that you are in a different club than most...trying to be thankful for a day in the hospital while the world you knew is moving without you...realizing that isolation is here...and we will struggle to find a new normal again.

Then this quote came to mind...

There is something about keeping him (God) divine that keeps him distant, packaged, predictable. But don't do it. For heaven's sake, don't. Let him be as human as he intended to be. Let him into the mire and much of our world. For only if we let him in can he pull us out. ~ Max Lucado

And it's true...allowing the Lord to meet us, to realize that He is walking with us. That the days come when we are ready to crumble, He is there. And the days when the sky is a little bluer He is there too...

Because He loves us...and He is real.

As real as anything and everything...

Including our family hug...