numb

It's 9:35...and I'm more numb than I have ever been in my life. I don't even know how to begin to put my feelings into words so I am going to keep this post informative...

Today was a very LONG day...started at a normal clinic visit to check levels and the levels came back low, in fact lower than last week. So...something was wrong. Because Camryn's levels were so low they transfused her which was a very difficult process to get started. Placing an IV was horrible...she fought it like crazy. Once the transfusion was started it went well. We had a 2:00 appointment for a bone marrow aspiration and biopsy...to rule out the absolute worst.

We got up to the surgery center for the aspiration and I was nervous...anytime your child is put under and wheeled away from you it's hard. Thankfully, I was able to go with Camryn while they got everything set up and I was able to talk to Dr. M for a bit...all I can say is that the Lord blessed us richly today with Dr. M.

Once the aspiration was over and Camryn was awake from the anesthesia we headed home to wait for a call from Dr. M. He felt that he may not have any further news to give us, but his gut feeling is that after the aspiration all of this was being caused by her leukemia coming back.

We got home...and waited. Dr. M called and said that he could not make a definitive decision and would be able to give us the official diagnosis tomorrow. So we wait some more...but, we are numb at the realities that most likely Camryn's leukemia is back.

Numb...that's all I can say. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to find words, but for right now it's just plain numb.