a taste...

The past two days have provided a taste of normal life and it tasted quite good...

And it left me wanting more. A lot more...

There is a fine balance between wanting the normal and accepting what is right now. We as a family have a long way to go until the flood gates open and normal life is upon us, but for what it is worth the taste was wonderful...

And it left us wanting more.

I am not entirely sure when the normal will be back and even if it is feasible to think that maybe this summer it might be. But, somewhere inside myself I cannot let go of the hope that with every passing day it's coming...

The day Camryn can be six and Wyatt can be three and do the things that kids do.

And yet in the shadows it lurks...

The piece of baggage that I think we'll always carry...even when "normal" returns. Can I trust this? Can I live in this and believe this to be true? Or will the bottom give away again? Can I begin to plan and dream again without the lump in my throat of what if?

The shadow of doubt and fear...

And I know that Satan loves to douse it on my heart, oh he loves to rain on my parade and leave me feeling so lacking, so alone. He loves to create the illusion of the shadow that grows and moves ready to swallow me whole. He loves to leave me calling on my God in doubt, after all he loves to create those moments that leave us wondering..."Lord, where are you?"

When you think you've hit the bottom
and the bottom gives way
and you fall into a darkness
no words can explain
and you don't know how you make it out alive
Jesus will meet you there.

When the doctor says, "I'm sorry,
we don't know what else to do."
and you're looking at your family
wondering how they'll make it through...
Whatever road this life takes you down,
Jesus will meet you there.

He knows the way to wherever you are
He knows the way to the depths of your heart
He knows the way cuz he's already been
where you're going
Jesus will meet you there.

When the jury says, "Guilty,"
and the prison doors close
When the one you love says nothing,
just packs up and goes
When the sunlight comes and your world's still dark,
Jesus will meet you there.

When you've failed again and all your
second chances have been used
And the heavy weight of guilt and shame
is crushing down on you...
And all you have is one last cry for help
Jesus will meet you there.

He knows the way to wherever you are
He knows the way to the depths of your heart
He knows the way cuz he's already been
where you're going

When you realize the dreams you've had
for your child won't come true
when the phone rings in the middle
of the night with tragic news...
Whatever valley you must walk through,
Jesus will meet you there.

He will meet you there.

Jesus will meet you there...
~ Steven Curtis Chapman

This song has come to mean a lot to me...because the first two verses have been sung in my life. And He did, Jesus did meet us. And I am thankful that He will continue too, always. He walked and is walking through valleys with us...His love runs so incredibly deep for us, each of us.

The taste was delightful and I am grateful for it as it gives us hope to keep believing that Jesus knows this journey is hard; because with every step we take He takes it with us...