tuesdays...

I've come to love Tuesdays, they used to be just another day in my life week...but, now they are so much more, well meaningful. Not that my daily life wasn't meaningful, it was and quite frankly there is a huge void from me missing my daily life; but now Tuesdays are the days when we see Camryn's doctors and see her levels.

Today Jason was off work so he took Camryn down to clinic and gave me the morning off so to speak...I got to spend the morning with Wyatt. Wyatt and I had fun...we slept in, snuggled in bed, watched Thomas the Tank Engine, ate breakfast, went to the park to play, and then met Camryn and Daddy for lunch. The time with Wyatt was so special to me, I really enjoyed just being with him...although I found myself thinking thoughts that I've never thought before. As we were at the park I avoided talking to the other moms, because quite frankly I didn't want to talk to other moms...I didn't want to say I have 2 kids and that one is at the hospital receiving chemotherapy. I guess I didn't want to make it awkward for them...because I know it's awkward for me.

I see little kids running and laughing and I looked at my watch and realized that in that very moment arsenic was running through my daughter's veins to save her life...it was weird to wrestle with emotions.

Wyatt and I met Camryn and Daddy for lunch and it was nice...Camryn bounced out of the car and was just so alive. She amazes me, really she just leaves me speechless sometimes...I feel like she should be so very sick. And she is, she has cancer...she is not in remission...but, don't tell Camryn that. She is living her life daily to the fullest! And it's wonderful...

After lunch Camryn and Wyatt headed over to my parent's house to color Easter eggs and just hang out with Grandma and Papa. I came home to help Jason clean out our garage...yes, a task I could do without. I seriously look at the garage as out of sight, out of mind...but I know it matters to Jason so I got to work. We worked throughout the afternoon and it was nice to feel a sense of accomplishment, to get something done.

I picked the kids up as Uncle Robby, Auntie Dede and Riley were coming over to hang out tonight...eat pizza...play the Wii. We had lots of fun...I especially enjoy watching Wyatt and Riley, they just make my heart smile. As always it was nice to be with the Mikels...we sure do love them.

Our day was full...very full, but very blessed. I am thankful for our days and the journey that brings up through each one...would I like the circumstances to change? You betcha. But, they haven't...and quite frankly they may never change.

Today at clinic Jason talked with Dr.M, we had not talked with Dr.M since Camryn's last aspiration and we anxious to hear his take on things as Dr.M is Camryn's "lead" doctor. Dr.M explained more fully wanting the percentage of leukemia cells less and why...which all makes sense to us. As of right now we will continue with 4 weeks of arsenic and then another aspiration probably the first week of May. Depending on how that looks it will go one of two ways...if her aspiration shows a plateaued percentage, meaning that the arsenic really hasn't changed anything then we'll go to transplant. If her aspiration shows a decline in the percentage of leukemia cells then if it is below 5% then we'll go to transplant, if not...4 more weeks of arsenic.

The doctors want the BEST possible scenario for Camryn's transplant...they want as much of that dang disease to be gone as possible. And if the arsenic is killing it, well then let it work.

I won't lie...it feels very weird to feel like it will be 4 weeks...now 8 weeks...to even think of 12 weeks before transplant completely amazes me. I feel like the road just keeps getting longer, but honestly I guess the road will never get shorter...this is a long road.

The Lord is reminding me that He is constantly in every detail...every one. He is found in the beauty of the world, He is found in the love of my family, He is found in everything...although sometimes I just don't see it.

I wish my vision wasn't so blurred right now...but, I will continue to hold on to what I know...

I know He is good...

After all two weeks off of arsenic and Camryn's levels are really good...they are holding well.

Yes, He is good...

Today as a little boy climbed and went on the swings, I smiled wondering if anyone there would guess that he is a bone marrow transplant donor.

He is good...

Tonight as I watched Wyatt and Riley in the bath I wondered at the journey of these two and just smiled...

The Lord holds us in His goodness...

I cry out for your hand of mercy to heal me
I am weak, and I need your love to free me

Oh Lord my Rock
My strength in weakness
Come rescue me Oh Lord

You are my hope
Your promise never fails me
And my desire is to follow you forever

For you are good
For you are good
For you are good to me

He can be trusted...He loves us more than we can comprehend...He gave His own so that we could have life...

How good is that?