5 years old...

Honestly where does the time go? Seems like just yesterday that Camryn Lee came into our world...at 9:54am on April 12, 2004. Our lives changed that day, changed in so many ways...we became parents of a darling baby girl...she became our world.

For 21 months we watched Camryn grow and develop in so many ways, she was our little sweetheart and we loved her with every ounce of our heart.

Then something changed...not our choosing, but Camryn became a child with cancer; and when that happens your perspective of days becomes entirely different. Each passing month became full of meaning...every moment. Camryn turning two, three, four and with each passing birthday there was hope that she was beating this cancer and she was living...and it looked as if we were making our way to five without a hitch.

You see five just seemed to be a right of passage if you will...leaving toddler, preschool life behind and becoming a school age kid. Beginning to step into another phase, stage and we've anticipated this day for a long time.

And today came...

Not quite like we had envisioned...but, it came even though we thought we'd be moving forward with the coming of five. We are now watching Camryn again fight the fight of her life...no, not quite what we envisioned.

Today we decided to take Camryn to her most favorite place in the whole wide world...Disneyland. Camryn was so excited to wear her birthday button and have cast members say, "Happy Birthday" all day...she could hardly wait.

I won't lie, I was a bit torn about not going to church and doing all the Easter things that I've always done...but, this year it just felt different. I was sad to not have Easter my way...I know it's selfish, but I wanted Easter the way I'd envisioned it. But, when Camryn relapsed and things shifted dramatically so did our plans. Since Camryn's levels are holding well her doctors gave her the go ahead to celebrate her birthday at Disneyland...so that became our Easter...celebrating the life of our dear sweet girl and the Lord who makes life possible.

Camryn had a blast, she enjoyed every second of her day and it was a treasure to watch her just enjoy the life she had today. We were a family of four celebrating the life of our Camryn...yes, today was exactly what we needed. To celebrate her life, not dwell on the other stuff...but for one day just celebrate her.

We ate food, shopped, rode rides, watched parades...yes, it was a full day. We are tired, very tired...but, it will be a birthday we will never forget. **I'll post pictures tomorrow, a bit too tired today.**


Camryn Lee,

You never cease to amaze your Daddy and me...you are enduring things that you don't deserve and oh sweet baby girl we wish we could change it. We wish we could make it all go away...but, we can't. So we trust you to Jesus' hands, we hand you over knowing that He intimately created you, He loves you and His hands are better equipped than ours to hold you. We have loved you well and we will continue too for always...you have taught us much in your five years of life and I thank you. I am proud of you Camryn, your Daddy and I both are. You are a little girl of strength and determination...you fight and you push and at times it drives us crazy. But it keeps you going...you push us to keep going.

Our sweet girl you have a gift...you make people feel so special with you. You love people deeply and dearly...you cherish time spent with your family and friends. Keep loving those around you...keep giving to them, filling their hearts with a love which is amazing.

We are proud of you...we count ourselves most richly blessed to call you our daughter...our sweet little girl.

You mean so much to us...

Love,
Daddy and Mommy

You see tonight I tucked in my five year old and wondered where the time went...and my prayer is that on April 12, 2010 I will tuck in my six year old and admire the strength that got her through this fight...

You can do it baby girl...you've done it before...you're doing it now...and you'll do it again.