nineteen...

Wow...nineteen months have pasted since one of the hardest, yet most exciting days of our lives - Camryn's transplant.

It has been quite a ride since June of 2009 and it's hard to believe we are now less than six months away from two years. I think in a way we are still holding our breath...Camryn made it to 28 months before relapse. Really she was relapsing throughout the fall, but it wasn't until February that it was confirmed. Honestly, I think we will hold our breath until we get to June and really probably (for sure) will hold our breath for the days to come.

Our lives are becoming less and less defined by leukemia, but it is never far away. And really that is the hardest part. As much as life moves on, the realities never get too far way and it is hard. Down right difficult to navigate at times.

Right now we are excited to see what 2011 holds for our family...feels a bit surreal to be excited for the future. It surely has taken us awhile to get to this point. The Lord is continually healing some deep hurts, hurts that seem to reoccur when we least expect them. Sometimes the hurt hits me in waves and I'm never quite sure when they will subside...and then other times it is as if this has always been our life.

February will mark five years...a lump in my throat. So many thoughts, so many fears, so many memories that I wish I knew how to handle better. But, for today I know that my Savior's love is sufficient for me. That he is writing this story and in as much as it is my Plan B it is my life...our life.

Slowly, but surely I am coming to grips with the realities that this is our life...that I am not watching it from afar, although for a long time that is exactly what I was doing. Now, I am trying to live this life...embrace the good, the bad, and everything in between. Because if there is anything my sweet Camryn has taught me it is to live...

Live with everything, give everything, and believe...

Believe that it is good, beautiful, and a life worth living.

And I am thankful...thankful for 19 months and hopeful for so many more.