Last night I realized that we have a lifetime membership to a group we would have never chosen, but cannot imagine our lives without...childhood cancer.
Jason and I went on a date night last night to hear Dr.A's band play in Santa Monica. We had heard some of Dr.A's music while we were in the hospital, so it was quite fun to get the invite and go. Many thanks to T and Ali for watching the kids for us...we certainly appreciate it!
As people were beginning to arrive it became obvious that there was a common thread throughout the people being introduced by Dr.A...parents of children with cancer. We were all sitting together, chatting with each other, recognizing faces and also enjoying the company of some of the nurses too. Jason and I truly enjoyed our evening, but many thoughts ran through my head that to any one outside the *group* we all looked like a group of work friends or something like that. No one would ever guess that we are a unique group, some whose children are doing well and some whose little ones are enjoying the fullness of heaven. It was good to be there...good to realize that we as a family are not alone, yes no one in our immediate friendship circle has a child with cancer. But, there is a world of connection at UCLA that I am thankful for.
This was never a road we would have chosen to travel, none of the parents would ever choose this...but as I sat smiling and laughing with nurses who mean the world to me and listening to a doctor sing who has done more than most I was content. Yes, I would trade a lot to not be living this reality...I would love to go back in time to and erase the dreaded word leukemia and cancer from our lives. But that is not to be.
So, we are learning to live where we are and realize that we are not alone...there are many of us walking through our daily lives, believing and hoping for our children. And there are many who are learning to live without their children....my heart aches for them in ways that words cannot describe...today three years ago a beautiful young woman just a few doors down from Camryn lost her fight. And today my heart is heavy for her mom, her family and the lives she touched...I never officially had the pleasure of meeting her, but C touched my life in a way that I am forever grateful for and her mother too.
You see it is a group, a club and our membership is marked by tears, fears, joys, hopes and so much more...we wear no badges, or signs; but we are a larger group then most know. For it is now walking close to four years in this group that my heart is larger, caring more deeply and much more aware of a group of people and children fighting, believing and hoping.
And the membership lasts a lifetime...
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2 comments:
Just want you to know that all of the parents in your "group" are my heros. You hold yourself together to provide strength and courage for your children. Praise God that Camryn and Wyatt have such awesome parents.
My husband and I are members of "the" group. We had a daughter diagnosed 26 years ago with ALL. And, you are right, it is a lifetime membership. Even though our daughter is 28 years old, "it" never leaves you. Every black and blue, sniffle, cough brings you back. Yet, to God be the glory. He restored our daughter to health. I pray for your family often during your journey.
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