trusting...

There is so much flooding my mind from this weekend...had some really rough moments and some really good moments. I realized that truly some day are easier than others...and I would like to be able to choose which days are easy, but I don't get to. I wish I did...

Saturday morning as the kids were snuggled up on a Saturday morning with Jason and I in bed Camryn looks at me and says, "Mommy I love you for taking me to the doctor. You're my best friend."

As I sat there and just watched Camryn and Wyatt I realized that I am incredibly blessed...yes, even now. I know sometimes I feel like I am so weary and that the next steps will be too difficult that we won't be able to survive them. I know sometimes wonder why? I know that is a needless question as there is no clear answers...but, I wonder nonetheless.

Honestly, walking this road again is hard. Yes, there are pros and cons for knowing what's coming. On one hand knowing makes it a little easier to understand and anticipate. On the other hand knowing makes it hard, very hard. We know what's coming ahead...we know there will be long days, incredibly long days.

And yet I know that my Lord loves me deeply, holds me tightly and listens to my aching heart. He will be with us every step of the way...He will lavish His grace upon us. He will hold us in the midst of the storm as it is a storm...there is an end. Even if the end feels so very far away.

Tomorrow we meet with the radiation doctors...please pray. Both mine and Jason's hearts are heavy as we step into a new part of this journey.

Knowing that we are held...trusting and holding tight to that.