unintended consequences...

i remember wondering how much of camryn's journey wyatt was really soaking in.  i mean he was just a newborn baby through her first transplant and then just 2 1/2 through her second.  tonight, i realized he soaked it all in....

camryn's sick, she has a flu bug...she's got a bit of a fever and is having an upset stomach which has led to her throwing up a couple times.  tonight while camryn was feeling horrible, wyatt ran to his room and started crying.  jason went to get him and through the tears streaming down his face he said, "i hate when camryn is sick".  

we talked him through it and he admitted that he gets scared, so scared that she'll be taken to the hospital and she will be gone a long time.  as he said, "i'll miss my sissy".  

sissy...

i've never heard him call camryn sissy before, but i know it's his term of endearment.  his sissy cannot be sick, she just can't because in his mind the snowball starts rolling and there's no turning back.

he recovered and is okay now, but for a moment through his tears i cried my own.  it is rare that wyatt shows the depth of his feelings of camryn being sick, but tonight when it showed itself it hurt so much.  because it is the unintended consequence.  this is not meant to be...his little heart does not need to carry this weight but it does.

i am hopeful a time will come when camryn being sick is just camryn being sick...there's no other feeling of is this it?  is the shoe going to drop?  is she really okay?

i mean it is an odd reality to find comfort in the fact that other kids in her class are battling the flu, "passing it around" as camryn's teacher put it.  odd isn't it?  i find solace in other children's illnesses.  weird that i breath better knowing she isn't the only one.

but, to a little boy i wonder if there will ever be a day that he won't worry about his sissy.  quite honestly the person who means the most to him in the entire world...

praying for his little heart and for camryn that whatever she is battling she fights off, just like she's done time and time before.