TWO years...

*Gulp*...it has been two years since probably one of the hardest days of our lives. A day I do not want to relive, but a day I never want to forget. The day was full of meaning and yet it felt as though it was a blur...there are moments I can take myself back to and moments that are so fuzzy I can't remember the details at all. Funny how your mind protects your heart...

The past two years have been an incredible journey, so different from the two years spent after Camryn's first transplant (10.20.06 - 10.20.08). Camryn has had many more ups and downs...a lot more medicine...many more doctors appointments...a few set backs...and yet, a lot more promise.

The first two years we spent were surreal...nothing really wrong at all, Camryn breezed through transplant, was taken off her medicines quickly, and returned to *normal* life in relative speed. These past two years? Anything but.

Transplant was much harder. The conditioning regiment to prepare Camryn for transplant was rougher. The days spent in the hospital were longer. She was older. There was a blood clot, Lovenox shots every night for over 18 months. There was a morphine pump, a burned esophagus, and days spent trying to get Cam to drink or eat. The medicine still lines a portion of our kitchen counter...there 7 medications still. There is a brownish/reddish rash that stands for progress, but looks awful. There is puffy cheeks, normal cheeks, and puffy cheeks again. The journey has been much more real, almost like this is what a transplant journey should be. And the first one...more like a dream.

A dream that fell apart.

I won't lie there is a part of my heart that wondered two years ago, if we would get here. Would we get to two years again? At the rate at Camryn's relapse I truly did not know. And if I'm being completely honest there is a lump in my throat wondering if two years is Camryn's magic number and is relapse looming around the corner. I know this isn't the way you should think...but it is the way parents of children with cancer think. There is always looming the what ifs...the questions...the past...the relapses...all of it.

And there is hope.

Hope that this time is different. Hope that things have traveled a different course. Hope that maybe just maybe all the GVH Camryn has battled has healed her. Hope that a little boy's marrow is stronger than cord blood. Hope that Jesus isn't finished writing Camryn's story...

There is more to write.

I told Jason this morning that I wanted to mark this date, to teach Camryn and Wyatt that it wasn't just a day of hospital life; but a day when Jesus does what he does best. He shows up and leaves us amazed...

After all that is what happened two years ago.

The glory of the journey...the hope of the future...the tucked away dreams, and the dreams that have been let go...all of those things are held tightly in our Saviour's hands. That He has carried us throughout this journey and He does still...

Even as we turn the calendar and begin to move towards 6.4.12...THREE years?! We've never marked that day yet...

Believing.Trusting.Hoping.Fighting.Surviving