Tonight while Camryn was doing her homework we battled tears...it breaks my heart when homework is a battle. But, really it's not the homework...it is so much more than that.
Some nights Camryn really struggles and I find that all the *stuff* she has to deal with catches up with her at night. At night is when she takes her medicines, brushes her teeth, puts on her lotion, and all the other little things. Plus, she is tired...physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Tonight she just cried and cried because she desperately wants to go to school. She was so sad, because as she says, "I'll never get to go to school." And I'm stumped as to what to say. We have tried to explain it in a variety of ways, but none of them seem to suffice. And truth is I don't know if any answer would suffice.
Some times Camryn gets very edgy and snappy...and tonight I asked her what was wrong to which she said, "I'm just not happy." If that doesn't break your heart...
We went on to chat and really she just wants what she can't have...school, friends, no doctors, no rash, no medicine...the list goes on. She wants to play soccer, she wants to not be afraid. She has a cough right now and she was crying because she doesn't want to be sick...because she'll have to go to the hospital and "stay there for awhile."
How do you explain to a hurting six-year-old heart what everything means when you can't even explain it to your own almost thirty-six-year-old heart?!
So, tonight I tucked her in...gave her a kiss...and prayed that soon she'd be able to get the things she wants. Because that's what her heart's desire is...
And I firmly believe Jesus hears those cries of her heart...
And I hope somehow Jesus can explain it to her in His own way.
Because for this mommy it's hard to explain.
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2 comments:
most certainly praying for her hearts desire. DO you mind if I save a pic of Cam to print out for my girls prayer board? (they like to see who they are praying for)
My heart breaks for sweet little Camryn also. It is good that she verbalizes her sadness. One day she will no longer be sad. What a joyous day when her desires come true. And they will . . .
No child will love and appreciate school more than Camryn. Your a wonderful Mom, sometimes we just don't have the answers . . . but you are right - Jesus does . . .
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