Not sure I can muster the strength to put all the thoughts in my head into words, but suffice it to say that these past five years have been a journey all their own.
Never did I expect that our world would take the turn it did five years ago today. Never did I expect that cancer would strike our family, let alone our 21 month old baby girl. Never did I expect my daughter's childhood would consist of a series of hospital visits, medicines, lines, shots, etc...Never did I expect our journey of a family to begin like this...
But, it has.
I could sit here and list my wishes, but I have learned that wishes are not really where I need spend my time. I could choose to live in the land of "what-ifs", but I have found that I need to choose to live in the land of "now". I cannot change the course of the past five years, but I can choose how I respond to them. I can choose to learn from them. I can choose to surrender to the plan of my Savior.
I will admit that I have not always done this...I've yelled, cried, screamed, and shook my fists at the sky demanding from my Lord a response, a reason.
As with life I am learning...learning that it takes a long time to mend a broken heart.
I recently read this...
You can give your love and devotion to amassing wealth, but eventually that lover will crush you..
You can give your love and devotion to gaining acceptance, but eventually that lover will shatter you.
You can give your love and devotion to a particular dream, but eventually that lover will disappoint you.
It's possible, in other words, that part of the reason you feel so shattered and so broken in the midst of your Plan B situations is that you gave your love and devotion to your plans and dreams instead of God.
It's something to keep in mind. Because how worthy, no matter how compelling, no matter how good - a dream makes a worthless god ~ Plan B by Pete Wilson
And really that is what these past five years has taught me...letting go of dreams. For all the wishes I had of being a mom and having a baby girl...those dreams and wishes changed five years ago. When I thought hair bows and dresses would be a priority, it became about life...her life and the gift that she is. It became about the moments spent with her and the incredible blessing she is...it became about her living, that's what mattered most.
Today I heard a quote by Bob Pierce of World Vision..."Our hearts to need break over what breaks God's heart."
And that is it...God's heart broke five years ago, this what not his plan for Camryn...to be sick, close to death, fighting with everything she had. No this is not of Him, but He will get the glory...
Because the story He is telling through her life is only the stuff of Him, He will get the glory...and He will redeem the story, He will right the wrongs.
You need to know the cross is not just the starting line. It's the very centerpiece of your story with God. It's the place where the pain of "you will have trouble" meets the triumph of "I have defeated the world." ~ Plan B by Pete Wilson
And that is it...the cross is where our redemption is found.
Five years is a long time...but compared with eternity it is but a grain of sand.
No comments:
Post a Comment