some days...

You just wonder...really?...really?

We got the news from Camryn's doctors today and her blood clot is still there, smaller; but there. So the Lovenox shots continue...sigh.

We were so hopeful, so hopeful that maybe Camryn could catch a break and be done with the nightly shots. After all she's had over a 140 of them, so we thought just maybe that would be enough. Apparently it isn't...yet.

You know sometimes in the midst of this journey I wonder really...really Lord, this is your plan?

I trust Him...I believe Him...I know Him and yet I wonder...

Because we do live in a fallen world where bad things happen to seemingly innocent people, where innocence is lost in a blink of an eye and hope seems all but lost.

Yet it isn't...really?

I got an email today a prayer request update on another little boy fighting the fight unlikely any other...and he is fighting a foe that doesn't play fair. His parents are wrestling with decisions that no parent should ever have to make...and my heart just breaks. As I was telling Jason about their story tears just fell, because in the quietness of my own heart I live with the ever present fear of relapse...that one day a lab sheet will report bottomed out numbers and the word leukemia will haunt us again. I know that the Lord does not want us to live in fear...that this is not His will for our lives. That the brokenness, failed world brings fears and hurts that just are not fair.

Even in the midst of the storms that rage and the fears that loom I will trust...I will hold on...I will believe...

Because really...this is not what HE wants for me, for us, for you.

And some days all I can do is beg Him for the grace to carry us through...and without fail He does.