a complete month

It's been one complete month that Camryn has been home, it's been a month of great praise, anxiousness, worry, celebration and about every other emotion. We love having Camryn home, we love being home as a family...after you've spent 5 weeks apart, 4 weeks together is just a gift. We are grateful, thankful...

Today was one of the best days we've had...Jason and Wyatt ran down to UCLA to pick up Camryn's meds...me and Camryn went over to help do a little odds and ends for Uncle T's wedding. Camryn had a blast...she has been in isolation so long, so to get to see her Grandma, Aunt Becky and Cousin Erin was wonderful. We are so very thankful for today...it was probably on of Camryn's most enjoyable days to date. We had a very fun time together and I'm very thankful for Grandma Mikels including Camryn in the fun, thanks!

We've been struggling to know what to do with Camryn and today was just wonderful so it made for some smiles! We are so very thankful for her uplifted spirits...it was great to see.

Far as Camryn's blood cultures...haven't heard anything. And around here no news is good news...it's been over 48 hours and so we are breathing a bit easier around here. Thankful...so very thankful.

A month...a cherished month and so thankful that we will work towards another month...and another one.

Thank you for praying for us and with us...it's a long journey a very long journey...so thank you. Thank you for walking with us through prayer each day...we are so thankful!

no news yet...

Haven't heard from Camryn's doctors about the blood cultures yesterday...so no news equals good news around here. No need to panic at least not yet...

So today we had a nice day...Jason helped out his Mom get things ready for his brother's wedding and I ran a few errands with my niece who is in town staying with my parents.

The kids decided the wanted to hang out at Grandma's tonight with Kenna so Jason and I got a spur of the moment date...we went to a movie and dinner, it was wonderful. Seriously we have not seen a movie in forever...felt nice to just do what some married folks do. Although can't say we'll do it often as movie ticket prices are insane!

We wait until tomorrow to hear the results of Camryn's cultures...I'll admit it's hard to wait on anything for Cam. Guess the stakes are just so high...feels like everything is full of meaning and what ifs. It's not an easy place to be when everything little thing has to be taken into account...there's really no wait and see how it goes. Sometimes I just wonder what it's like to not have a million worries...

Today I started a Bible study on the Psalms (thanks Kelly)...it focuses on the Psalms of Ascent. The Psalms that lead us into worship...the Psalms, songs sung as the people journeyed to the temple. As I read today it struck me...the Psalms are a collection of songs of the range of emotions that we deal with all that time...

Human...broken...praising...longing for the Lord to redeem us.

And He will.

"oh man, bedtime..."

Kids say the darnedest things...and they say the sweetest things too.

Tonight when we announced that it was bedtime we heard, "Oh man, bedtime!" coming from Wyatt's room. He has quite a sense of humor and he says the funniest things...honestly, I wish I had a running tape recorder of his Wyattisms.

Camryn came and cuddled on the couch with me and said, "I'll always be your little girl right?"...she can make my eyes tear up faster than anything. Guess that's what kids do...cause your heart to feel things you never knew you could.

Today Camryn and I headed down to clinic bright and early, I felt to bad waking her up from her deep slumber; but we've found the earlier we get to clinic the better. We can move in and out much more quickly and still have much of the day left. We got down to clinic and found our usual friends and moved through relatively quickly. Camryn went over to see Charlotte to get her labs drawn, yes this is her routine and Camryn loves her routines. We went back over to clinic and then waited to see the doctors. As we waited Dr.A just popped in to say hi as he said that he'll let Dr.M see us today...so as we chatted he asked how Camryn was doing. I told him well, but lately she is complaining of being cold at times...he didn't really think that was a good thing. As we talked Dr.M said hi and Dr.A mentioned it to him...Dr.M didn't like the sound of it either. So, Dr.M ordered blood cultures of both lumen's of Camryn's line and also a peripheral draw and a urine sample...

We continued to talk with Dr.M who we haven't seen in a few weeks as we talked it became evident that Camryn was not having nearly enough GVH to satisfy Dr.M. We want to see more...more would indicate graft vs. host and graft vs. leukemia which is what we want. So today Camryn's cyclosporin was discontinued...no more oily, gross medicine. We are to watch Camryn closely and if we see too much GVH than what we have been told is okay then we call asap. They would then just treat it with steroids sparingly. I was a bit surprised, but I know that this time around the doctors are being very careful and aggressive with Camryn's transplant to do everything they can to never get here again.

I appreciate their care...truly, it is a gift.

Dr.M also said that he would like to move Camryn to every other week appointments after next week. He said for a Day +54 transplant patient she is doing really well...incredibly well. At times it is just amazing to really consider that we are here again. But we are.

As we finished up with Dr.M we went to have Camryn's cultures drawn...9 bottles later the cultures were done and Camryn did GREAT! So proud of her. We wait 24 hours, but more like 48 hours to hear if anything shows up. I don't think the doctors were overly concerned, but wanted to play it safe...fine with me. So we wait and trust...

Camryn's regular labs look great...so that is wonderful!

The rest of the day has gone well...at first I was very upset about Camryn's appointment. I just hate being nervous, anxious and all of that...it's just draining. I was tired...

But as I watched Camryn enjoy life chatting with my sister, nephew and niece who came to visit her today she was full of life...and you know that's enough for today. I cannot chose the path for Camryn, I wish I could. But her and Wyatt both just embraced life today and were a great reminder to their mommy to do the same.

Trust Him...He holds Camryn and Wyatt better than I can.

And for now I will cherish the moments of their funny, sweet, cherished sayings and trust the rest to Him.

But that is easier said than done...so I'm trying day by day, moment by moment to hold them loosely knowing that each day is a gift, because none of them were ever promised.

So at Day +54 we'll be thankful...and yes, it's bedtime!

driveway rock concert

So the other night we had a rock concert in our driveway...it was quite a show. Seriously these Mikels kids know how to rock...

Enjoy!

Camryn can rock with the best of them...she's rocking the guitar and proud of it!



Being silly with Daddy...oh how I love these three!






Oh the rock star we've got in Wyatt...he LOVES to rock out on the guitar. Plus, he's rockin' his new hair cut! Isn't he cute?





Maybe Wyatt is taking lessons from Mommy's fave...yes, this is as close as I got to Mr. Keith Urban. Love it!



Hope you are enjoying your summer nights as much as two little Mikels kids.

sweetest thing ever...

Tonight as I heard little footsteps coming into the living room I saw Wyatt with Jason...

Jason said that Wyatt had something to tell me...so with the cutest little smile on his face, Wyatt says, "I ask Jesus to come in my heart." I won't lie...tears came. Oh how the heaviness and weariness of our journey just melted away with the innocence of our little boy. I hugged him and just loved on him...

Guess that's really all that matters...a heart that's HIS.

Jesus loves me this I know...oh how simple, sweet and true!

different this time around...

Everyday Jason and I realize how different it is going through transplant with a five-year-old instead of a two-year-old...sometimes I just can't believe how different it is. Camryn is so aware of it all...she knows so much more.

I would be lying if I said that it was all great...we are learning how to deal with Camryn's life now. She is sad...pretty much we've come to lay it at our Father's feet knowing that HE loves her more than we do and HE is holding her throughout this journey. It is hard to see Cam sad...it is hard to know what to say. Jason and I were talking trying to figure out how best to encourage Camryn and yet be realistic. There are things that she simply cannot do and yet she wants to. Like Jason said Camryn understands fairness and to her this is not fair...

And it isn't.

Yet, learning that lesson at five is rough...especially in such a huge way. As parents we teach our children that they can't always win, that sometimes this just don't work out fairly...but, how do you explain to Camryn that having leukemia and having her life become so different is fair? You don't...but, honestly I don't have the words that make it understandable for her.

We are really trying to figure out some things and I thank you for continuing to pray for Camryn...this is a long road.

For now her brother is a huge friend to her...she LOVES him and he LOVES her. He provides a companion, a buddy, a friend...and we are thankful. But like most kids she is longing for others...her friends from church, her cousins, making new friends. It's hard to see her want to be social, but she can't be.

Hang in there Cam...we know that for right now this is so difficult for you. And honestly we hate it, but we are thankful that you are thriving and one day, hopefully soon you'll get out into the world again and live the life you long for. We are sorry sweet girl...We love you so!

best view ever...

From my front porch...Jason, Camryn, Wyatt and me enjoying a summer evening. As I sat there I was reminded what it is about summer I love...yes, time off of work is a big plus, but really I love the evenings. The long hours of daylight...the cool breeze that picks up while dusk comes...ah, the beauty of it.

While Camryn was in the hospital our yard, house took a beating...it was not thrashed, but really it wasn't looked after either. Our neighbor Jack kindly mowed our yard for us, but beyond that our yard was left to do what nature does best...either grow like weeds, literally or die from lack of water. So, tonight while the kids rode their bikes and just played like crazy in the front yard I tended to my rose bushes. I clipped the dead roses and did a little weeding, okay a lot of weeding...but it was wonderful. Wonderful to hear the giggles and the pretend play...precious to hear Camryn and Wyatt call either other "friend" while they played. Jason and I tidyed up things and just enjoyed the evening too...it was nice to see smiles on faces and just enjoy what I think is best about summer.

Things here are going well...Camryn is doing great physically, but I think emotionally she is struggling which leads her to just want to lay on the couch not do much. She is struggling with missing her friends...she told me tonight that she was sad about not seeing her friends, going anywhere, doing anything. In a way I think she is a bit bored...she is trying her best to enjoy being home and she is enjoying it. But, like most kids there comes a point when they want to go and do...and right now Camryn just can't. It's hard to know exactly how to keep her occupied...and we are trying to make being home as fun as we can.

Just another way that isolation affects pretty much every area of our lives...

We are trying to be thankful for each moment and day...not get too caught up in what we can and can't do. But, right now Camryn is really discouraged...we are praying that the Lord would lead us to know how best to encourage Camryn and help her through this part of the journey.

And yet the best view ever is her little face sitting with Wy enjoying life for what it is right here, right now...

Can't ask for much more than that.