six...

happy birthday wyatt...

hard to believe you are 6 years old, seems like time is passing much too quickly.

you fill a place in our hearts unlike any other...

simply, you complete us.

you make our family of 4 so much richer to have you.

when wyatt got his dodger schedule he quickly noticed that there was a game

on his birthday...a home game against the st.louis cardinals

a friday night firework night...

he wanted to go.

so for his birthday we went...

the cutest dodger fans around

honestly, these two are the best of friends...

camryn was so excited to spend wyatt's birthday at the

dodger game with him.  

she wouldn't have it any other way...

it's the unspoken between them that's amazing

camryn knows that her life in no way would be the same 

without her brother, her best brother.

and this picture just makes my heart smile.

jason & wyatt

they love the dodgers, they love baseball...

and they love being best buddies

i love the way wyatt is looking at his daddy

what better birthday present than a 

dodger win!

complete with wyatt's favorite player, 

andre ethier hitting a home run!

wyatt was so excited to go on the field to watch fireworks

in fact he wanted to sit in right field in honor

of ethier

yep, he bleeds dodger blue

wyatt is a sports nut and i have no idea where he gets that

he decided he wanted a usc birthday party, because

the trojans were playing stanford

yep, a boy after my own heart.

we had a very fun day celebrating wyatt with family 

and a few of his best friends

many thanks to those who came to celebrate 

our boy wy

he had lots of fun playing boys against girls...

oh my i could see it all beginning

and since it was over 100 degrees we brought out the blow up pool

and lots of water fun!

isn't this the cutest face ever?

yep, we love our sweet p

the kids splashing and playing...

what fun to add in school friends with life long friends

jason & i are so very thankful for the circle of friends

wyatt has...his world is much bigger than it 

once was and we couldn't be more grateful.

waiting for cake...love these little faces

wyatt and eisley...

the best of friends

love the special friendship 

of these two

six years ago our world became very full with little guy

he brought a most special gift to his sister

and completes a place in our hearts

wyatt is our daily, moment by moment, megaphone

of the lord in our lives saying

"i'm not finished, wait, hope, believe...a most precious gift is coming"

a bike from papa & grandma...

(love the sign made by my dad)

they boys being boys...

one of the blessings on village is the friendship of these two

oz & wyatt

they are the sweetest of friends and i cherish 

the friendship they have

and as oz's mom and i say...

"this is for their senior page."

wyatt,

you are the best boy we could ever ask for.  you make our hearts smile.

we remember waiting for you to come, waiting to see just who you'd be.

and no doubt about it, you sweet boy are exactly what we need.

you continue to amaze us with your sweet heart, stubborn spirit,

amazing abilities, driven personality, aim for perfection.

you the best...our best.

we love you 18 hundred 1 million 3 thousand times.

love,

daddy & mommy xoxo

and as camryn's card said to him

"i can't believe you are six.  you are the best brother ever. love your big sis, cam"

mommy's going back too...

so this summer i made the decision (with much encouragement from jason & my bosses) to go back to graduate school.  in no way is this a decision that i would have come up with, but with some visionary leaders in my life the lord open the doors for me to pursue a master's in educational leadership at apu.  

i did the whole gideon from the bible thing of laying out my fleeces for the lord.  i ask him to make it clear to me when i went to an appointment with dr. marcos at apu that i would know with certainty that this is the path for me.  as i drove out to apu a path i have traveled numerous times i was caught with nostalgia...i first drove out to apu 19 years ago to start my freshmen year.  wow, so much has changed.

i met with dr.marcos and was super impressed by her, she was wonderful.  we chatted about life, her's eerily foreshadows mine (both 8th grade history teachers, married to pe teachers, with a daughter and a son).  she was great...but the whole time the fleece loomed.  we started talking the real issues of going back to school.  how many classes?  how long?  how much money?  and the lord was as he always is, in the details.  since i already have a master's from apu i am waived 12 units of work, as well as all the admission fees.  crazy i thought.  all to say i have 4 classes, that's it...which will take me one year.  i sat there amazed at the lord...really?!  dr.marcos encouraged me to take advantage of the program, and that she would be my advisor all the way through and to take my classes online since i am working full-time, and a mommy of two.  

again the lord has directed me back to a place that means so much to me.  i did some of the most important growth with the lord in my life at apu.  had incredible mentors and leaders through my undergrad and graduate programs, and now i go back for more.

i went out there again today to buy my books...it's orientation weekend with lots of freshman and there is a buzz of life there beginning.  i was amazed at even though it's been 15 years since i graduated, and 10 years since my masters, apu is home.  there is a quality there that i love.  

i am thankful that the lord continually opens doors, when it is needed.  nervous?  absolutely, but again like gideon i feel like the lord long ago brought the people in my life to lead me to risk this jump...because it is a risk, but one that i am very excited for.

so, mommy starts school tomorrow...yikes!  

first day of school...

both camryn & wyatt were super excited for school to start, they had been anticipating finding out their teachers and who was in their classes for the last weeks of summer...finally, the lists were posted.

camryn was thrilled to have miss e and even more excited that her friend p was in her class.  we have said over and over how very blessed cam was to have a wonderful second grade year with some of the best girlfriends ever.  camryn was happy to get her supplies for third grade and even more surprised that she had to get WIDE ruled notebook paper.  "wow, mom this is big kid paper."  yes, it is...all the while thinking how in the world is she this old?!  yikes!  camryn picked out a hello kitty lunchbox, complete with a hello kitty thermos!  she is loving it!

wyatt informed us that he is a "big boy now."  guess first grade is no longer the little grade.  he was very happy to get mrs. a...and have some of his friends in his class.  this summer wyatt has seemed to grow so much, maybe not physically (he's still a little peanut); but emotionally.  wyatt is more sure of himself and confident and this was so noticeable to us as he prepared for first grade.  he was super excited to go to school...he truly loves to learn, which is so fun to see.  he picked out a cars lunchbox, complete with a cars thermos...and he too is loving it!

watching these two navigate the first two weeks of school has been priceless, even more grown up than i thought.  they were excited to be back in the familiar territory of village and even more so with their friends.

 they are silly, crazy, fun, and everything in between.  love that these two make the days of going to work even better, watching them come into their own in their own little pieces of the world is wonderful.  they have blossomed in ways that i never thought possible and i am ever so thankful for their teachers who guide them each day.

many thanks to miss e and mrs. a who constantly love on my kids.  teaching them responsibility, math, reading, spelling, computers, and everything in between.  but, most importantly to love jesus...to experience his great love for them and growing to love him too.  for this there is no price to high to pay...for them to be daily loved by people who pray for them, love them, and thank jesus for them.  i could not ask for more.

there are many things that could be said for the journey that brings us to today...but, the one word that comes to mind when i look at these two faces is grateful.  these days are a gift.  period.  i longed for them and wished for them many days ago when all just seemed so dark.  but, the sun shines now...and these faces capture the greatest words my heart needs to hear.  he loves us.

who would have thought three years ago this little miss was struggling just to live.  a lot of things have changed since those days...hair is a lot longer, she is taller, she is older, but even in all the changes some things remain.  cam is a fighter, she is survivor, and she knows that she was so incredibly sick and jesus made her better....and she loves that he made her better with this face...

wyatt.  he is growing into his own person and challenging us in ways we never thought possible.  and yet, regardless of the moments his life screams loudly in my heart that the lord is never finished, he is so far ahead of us that even when we think we know, we have no idea.  hard to believe this little guy will be 6 in about two weeks.  

six years of parenthood which in no way has been what we thought it would be.  you cannot plan for your child to have cancer...and yet, when i see where we are i know that it is only through walking through the storm clouds, that we get to see the rainbow.

and yes, the rainbow of a promise...that god loves us, oh how he loves us.

so, we start school another year of normalcy and we cherish it beyond measure.  thank you jesus for giving us these days...and even the days these past six years to bring us to this day.

thank you for loving us...and staring school with us too!

december...really?!

this past tuesday was a first.

camryn had her normal, routine, monthly clinic appointment tuesday morning.  i knew that her doctors would want to be thorough as this was her appointment before school starts.  plus, cam's rash had flared up a bit at the end of july so we had been in touch with her nurse practitioner to make sure nothing got too out of whack.  i was a bit nervous as i knew that maybe just maybe they would put camryn back on meds and we just didn't want that.  honestly, at this point we are further down the road post-transplant than we have ever been so we are in uncharted waters for us, and it feels awesome so the last thing i wanted to hear was we were taking steps backwards.

cam was in an okay mood...she just is so over all of this and quite frankly i don't blame her at all.  she's done.  but, like she always does she was great at clinic.  we saw lots of familiar faces and they all commented about how tall camryn is getting, how long her hair is, and basically how big she is.  it's funny sometimes when i think about it as these people have literally watched her grow since she was 2.  they have seen her many faces (short hair, no hair, curly hair, puffy cheeks, weight gain meds...you get the idea), but they always seem to see her and compliment how well she is doing and i cherish it.

we made our way to our room and began to wait...the lab upstairs was open, or at least we thought so, we'd decided to wait until after we saw the doctors and then get labs.  we waited, cam had her doll with her and she was doing her best to be patient.  berkley came in to say hi and we chatted a bit, she was pleased with how well cam was doing and happy to hear that some of her symptoms had stopped and it looked like cam had a little virus in july.  she said that a med student would be in to see us and then dr. moore...i smiled, i also love med students.  they are so tentative and new...many students have passed through our door to see camryn and i knew that she probably won't not be too cooperative.  a nice student walked in tried his best to engage camryn, and she was not having any of it...he tried and tried.  there was a knock on the door and berkley came in and said dr.moore changed his mind and she would be seeing camryn.  poor med student...i felt bad, but i knew camryn's case is unique a relapse transplant and dr.moore probably didn't want to have us tell our story for the millionth time.

berkley chatted some more and pretty soon dr.moore came in.  camryn LOVES dr.moore, i know i've said it before but quite honestly i have never seen her respond to someone like him.  he holds an incredible place in her heart, and i cherish him.  camryn and dr.moore went through their regular routine and smiled, laughed, and chatted...it was precious.  he checked her out, talked to me for a few minutes and then said...

"how would you like to come see me before christmas?  how about december?"

a smile broke across mine and camryn's face...december?!  that's 4 months away.  we have never gone 4 months without at trip to the doctor.  never.  camryn was so excited, she was thrilled that no more medicine and no more blood draws for 4 months!

this moment was a first and it meant so much.

camryn is well.  she is well and we can live for 4 months without trips to ucla and without the constant life revolving around cancer.  she is living the life she should be...

and we are grateful.

remembering...

yesterday afternoon i caught myself going back in time to 6 years ago...

at times i think i forget, no not forget just get so involved with where life is now that 6 years ago really seems forever ago.  but, it's not...not to this momma's heart.  there are a lot of things that were happening this month 6 years ago, and really if i allow my heart to fully go there 7 years ago as well.

god was weaving a tapestry of our lives and little did we know it 7 years ago a storm was coming unlike any we would ever experience.  and then the storm hit in february...and the storm raged for months and months.  climaxing in august.

camryn was crashing, her vitals were awful, her lab sheets were an absolute mess.  everything normal was not.  i was 8 months pregnant and fighting to keep things together...a baby was coming, and my baby was fighting to hold on.  i was caught remembering the days of august 2006.  big bellied me rocking camryn hour after hour while she clung on to my belly.  her fevers up around 105, cool rags all over her trying to keep her as cool as possible.  we found out our sweet boy wyatt was a match on the 23rd, but when i remember back it is as if camryn knew...she knew that her life would be found in her baby brother.  she clung to my belly and day after day the nurses would say those two are going to have quite a bond...little did they know then what we know now.

i find it hard to go back, and yet when i do i can see god's love lavished on us.  oh the skies were grey and the clouds very dark, but there were glimpses of love.  and one of those greatest glimpses came on september 14th.  god's voice flooding our lives in wyatt jason...and holding camryn lee.

and yet, i was remembering 3 years ago this month...letting go of dreams and hopes.  trying with all my might to reconcile camryn not going to kindergarten and trying to piece together our lives as best we could.  holding on tight to what i knew to be true...the lord carried us through august after august and he would again.

then a year ago...the dreams emerged, the hope restored as camryn & wyatt began a journey of normalcy to "just be kids".  the leukemia did not define us, cancer did not define us, we were beginning to take steps of normal life and it was as if the grey skies made way for the sunshine to break through and stay.

oh there are always moments when the clouds start to gather...and some of those darkest days were in august...but, the hope of restoration is bright as a little girl prepares for third grade and a little boy for first grade!

many thanks to god whose unending presence in our lives holds us still.  whose tapestry is weaving a most beautiful story of a little girl a little boy and their parents who thank the lord daily for choosing us.  for choosing us to hold their hands on their great journey of life.

love you big cam & wy. xoxo

summer lovin'...

where in the world is summer going?  how is it already july 23rd?  my word, time is flying so quickly...cannot believe that school starts in a month!  wow...
we are enjoying summer completely.  there have been lots of highlights.


here are a few:

• for the love of the game - who knew that a little boy would fall completely in love with a sport at age 5?  well, our wyatt did and there will be no turning back.  wyatt ended t-ball and has missed it a lot.  he faithfully watches the dodger games almost every night.  he asked if we could repaint his room dodger blue...so we painted it gray and blue, it's darling - i love it!  wyatt is very proud of his room, he loves it!  it is all things dodger and our little guys bleeds dodger blue.  wyatt also has discovered baseball cards and has begun his collection this summer.  it is too cute watching him organize his cards, talk through the teams and players, and love to see who he gets as he anxiously anticipates getting a dodger (of course!).  he loves baseball, in fact we'll be getting this quote for his wall..."there is but one game and that game is baseball."
• guppies - at the beginning of summer jason and i hoped that the kids would really learn how to swim this summer.  we decided to get to the pool as much as possible - many thanks for our friends who have graciously allowed us to invade their pools.  at the start wyatt was timid and wore his floaties, i really wanted him to shed those things as i hoped that he'd gain confidence and want to swim on his own.  jason and i worked with him, but if you know wyatt than you know that he isn't the most teachable of kids by his parents, oh he does fabulous with other teachers just not us. :) camryn did well, she enjoys goofing in the pool doing dance moves, side dives (she made those up), and just splashing around.  because of camryn's physical limitations she's not going to be an olympic swimmer, but i'd hoped that she'd at least gain more confidence to swim and begin to hold her own in the pool.  as the summer as passed they both are doing so well!  we decided to try swim lessons at the ymca and that's been a huge confidence booster for them.  they like it and have done really well, camryn being the little social one, and wyatt being mister competitive and wanting to do the best in his class.  either way they have developed well and i'm so proud of them.  in fact wyatt shed his floaties and there is no going back, he is doing so well.  and camryn is thoroughly loving her new found independence, i'm so happy for her.  it's been lots of fun in the pool.
• clean out - so every summer i tell myself we are going to do the great clean out...and we have.  we cleaned out wyatt's room when we painted and rearranged his furniture.  then camryn's room was next...i really am not fond of camryn's room for a variety of reasons.  one, camryn has a lot of stuff and she is attached to it.  two, i've never been happy with the way it is arranged.  three, camryn is a pack rat...she saves everything.  so, cleaning out her room was a bit more work and it took a lot of patience, but when it was finished she was so thrilled and i was too!  our closet was next and we got rid of a lot...bags and bags.  as i was going through my clothes i was really convicted that i have enough.  of course who doesn't love a new shirt or something...i just was reminded that i have much to be grateful for and that i really am not lacking, at all.
• milestones - camryn is off her medicine, which has been the great mark of this summer.  honestly never thought she would arrive here and it is so wonderful to see her enjoy this moment.  camryn is going into third grade, not sure how that is possible?!  she really has turned into a crazy reader...she reads all.the.time.  the library has become a favorite spot this summer as she reads books so quickly, so how cool is it to go get some more for free?  she loves it!  wyatt has really grown this summer...he learned to swim, learned to ride his bike without training wheels, and hopefully will master tying his shoes soon!  he is an achiever, once he knows he can do something he takes off and never looks back.  
• blessings - one of the biggest blessings for us is that jason and i are off work in the summer, we get to soak in the days with the kids.  sleep in, hang out, and just be with them...i cherish it.  it is a blessing to watch them and think about where they were last summer and where they are now.   so much more independent, so much more grown-up, so much more active.  it's truly the greatest blessing.  

we thank the lord for all he continues to give us, and remind us of.  three years ago i really didn't dream these days were possible.  it was hard to dream again and now this dream is life...our life.

incredibly grateful.

no.more.medicine...

to be honest i never thought this day would come...


camryn lee was taken off all her meds but one this past friday.  and the one that's left...that one for only 4 more weeks to wean her system off of it.


wow.


we knew on tuesday that the doctors were running test, but we hadn't heard from them so we just continued on with life like normal and figured they'd call if any thing needed to change.  


friday afternoon we headed to see brave with auntie dede, riley, peighton, tina, and eisley...it was lots of fun!  as we were leaving tina's house heading to the theater jason called...i picked up and he said dr.m had called.  dr.m called and let jason know that camryn's immune system test was super great!  normal numbers are 600 - 1200, they expected cam's to be somewhere in the 200's due to the immuno suppressant drugs she has been on.  camryn's number 850...well within normal range, which caused the doctors to pull off all her meds.  


i probably don't need to tell you that this is a HUGE step for camryn.  her system is recovering and her immune system is fully recovered.  an amazing step.  one not taken lightly.  camryn has taken various meds daily for over three years...some of the meds were taken every.single.day. for three years.  her system recovered and now it's strong enough to fight on its own.


the body is truly an amazing thing.


as of now camryn is as close as she's ever been to a normal kid...she has longed for that since the beginning of the second journey.  and now, she is thrilled to brush her teeth and go to bed...no more medicine routine or any of that.  she is excited as can be!


the lord has truly blessed camryn this year...sept 2011 - june 2012 have probably been her best.  she has grown and experienced life as she has longed for.  and as her parents we could not ask for more.  she's living.  she's thriving. she's surviving. she's hoping.


but most of all...


she's grateful.  there's a piece of this journey that camryn is beginning to grasp...the piece that not all stories end this way.  the part where death becomes a reality, the part when you don't get to come home...in her 8 year old understanding she is beginning to see that jesus made her better, and in that she is thankful.  her faith in jesus has grown...and honestly, that is an amazing gift.