thankful...

It's that time of year, isn't it...a time to really think about what we are thankful for. I have always found that to be a little weird, I mean really shouldn't we give thanks always...

Some things have been mulling through my mind and heart about which I am truly thankful...and to my surprise some of the things that keep coming to mind are those
which caused much pain. Here's a few of the things...I think I'll post more here and there over the coming weeks.

Perspective

I would have never chosen this journey, ever. But, I am thankful for what has been gained in the midst of great loss. I now see through different eyes and feel with a different heart. Before the world fell apart, I had compassion, empathy...but, I myself had never met face to face with the bottom of the pit. Once there the world looks incredibly different, it is much more real and it is incredibly hard sometimes to find the strength to believe. Yet, there has been a gaining of perspective that the world is much bigger than my little corner of it...there are many children and families hurting, fighting, and hoping...there is a world that I had never known and now it is a world I cannot, will not ever forget.

Waiting

I am not a patient person...my mom blames it on my Welch roots, whoever is to blame, it is a fact I do not like waiting. Throughout the years we have had to wait and in waiting much has been gained. I honestly can say that through those days of waiting my reliance on my Savior strengthened...knowing that he is the only one that can carry me, us through. We have had to wait on test results, surgeries, lab slips, medicines, and doctors. We have waited in waiting rooms, hospital rooms, recovery rooms, lab cubicles, procedure centers, and own our living room. Some days we have waited well...some not so much. And yet now we are waiting for life so to speak...waiting for the green light to our big life...waiting for the world of "normal" school...waiting for friendships and social life. But, I am thankful that in as much as I don't wait well, I wait better. Waiting still drives me nuts, but now I am more understanding and less in a hurry. If there has been any gain it is that my heart isn't in such a rush. I live my life in the hands of my Savior, who has all the time in the world.

Students

There is a group that I spend a lot of time with, my students. And in that group are the ones that have moved on, but for a period of time they spent a lot of time with me as well. I love these kids. They give to my heart something that I cherish...encouragement, realness, and hope. There are the ones that Camryn and Wyatt have come to know and love...and for those students I am so thankful. They make my job better for allowing my kids to be a part of their lives as well. Thanks to those kids who love my kids...it is a gift beyond compare. One that I experienced long ago when my dad was principal and I hung out at games and such with some high school kids, who I adored. And now, history is repeating itself...Thanks to all of you!

Missing

When one walks close to having to let go of your own daughter all the other times you have to let go hurt like crazy. This weekend I've been missing...my grandparents, my Aunt Frankie, my nephews Blake & Ethan, a beautiful young lady Courtney. All of them hold a place in my heart and I miss them. I miss two of the greatest people in my life, who some days I wish were here so I could talk to them, hear them and know that they are there for me. I miss you Grammy and Grandpa, thank you for all you mean to me. I miss probably one of the greatest woman my heart has ever known, my Aunt Frankie. This weekend I cried as I just miss her so...I hate that she was sick with the very disease Camryn fights. I miss her voice, I miss her cards and I miss her heart the most. Thankful for all she has given to me. I miss two little boys who left too soon, but left a mark on my heart that will never be erased. They taught me much, and left me thankful and yearning...thankful for our eternity and yearning for it to come quickly. Missing a young lady who four years ago today lost her fight with leukemia...never met her, but her mother taught me much. Courtney was a few doors down from Camryn and my heart will always carry with me a young lady wearing a shirts stating that "Cancer Sucks", which it certainly does. Thankful that my life is richer for knowing them...thankful that I have learned to miss and long for the day of seeing them again.

For all these things I am thankful for the perspective of waiting for eternity, while missing and yearning...to live in the present and hope and believe that He is coming...

Come quickly Lord, come quickly.