Sunday, April 14, 2013

momma's away...

i don't travel much, really i'm not much of a traveler.  and when i do travel i travel with jason, and the kids in tow...so, to travel without them makes my heart a bit anxious.

this tuesday i leave with fifty-four 8th grade students on their class trip...we're headed to the South.  Memphis, Birmingham, Montgomery, and Atlanta to be exact.  i'm excited for the trip, as i've been the coordinator and leader and to finally see it here makes me happy.  i'm not a travel agent, so to coordinate a trip of this magnitude has been a bit out of my comfort zone.  

i'm excited...but, i'm very nervous.  i'd appreciate your prayers as we travel, it'll be a whole new experience and i'm anticipating it'll be fabulous.

but, momma's away...so, i've made jason a sheet of what to do.  oh, they'll be fine it's more for the assurance of my own heart. :)

hopefully, all will go smoothly and we'll be on our way to memphis on tuesday and on our way home from atlanta on saturday.

until then...

Thursday, April 11, 2013

nine...

happy birthday camryn lee...

you fill our hearts in ways only you can

you give us hope...
that god's not finished with your story

you fight a foe that never played fair
and are winning

you are beautiful

you are sweet, fun, talented, creative
and simply the best

we thank jesus for blessing our lives nine years ago with such a sweet baby girl
we are blessed to be your mommy & daddy
blessed by what you have taught us about life
blessed to have stood by your side while you fought the fight of your life
blessed to watch you grow, learn, and love
blessed to call you our cam
blessed to spend these moments with you
as they are a gift

you are our hero.
you are a daily reminder that jesus does big things
you are the god's megaphone in our lives saying over and over
"god is good"
you are a miracle.

you challenge us to live.love.hope.believe.
no story ends...and your nine years have been the most unbelievable
we cannot wait to see where the next one leads...

love you sunshine.
love you to the moon and back.
forever.always.

~ mommy & daddy
xoxo

love you cam...you're the best big sister in the world.
you are my best friend.  you are my favorite person in the world.
love you,
your lil brother wy


Wednesday, April 3, 2013

breathing deeply...

i heart the springtime.  i absolutely love the renewed sense of life it brings.  i adore easter vacation, the spring break.

this week me and the kids are enjoying our break, a time to just call a time out on life as we know it and enjoy a little bit of life as we love it.

i don't have a lot planned, intentionally so...sometimes i feel that while i'm busy trying to find things to fill our time, the time has passed.  so, this week we are just being.

today the kids spent the day with my parents, it was wonderful.  i went to breakfast with a dear friend, which was a treat.  ran some errands.  cleaned, organized, and really just had time for me.  it was good therapy.

while i love this time of year...memories lurk.

camryn will be nine this year.  how is that possible?!?!  but, with her birthday comes a wave of emotions that by now i should really learn to anticipate, but i don't.  they caught me today...

as i was cleaning out the kids' homework papers, bookshelf, and all things school...it caught me.  the feeling that camryn's birthday always brings...didn't know if we'd get these days.  

if i'm brutally honest with myself i had packed camryn's birthday away in the do not dream category...do not plan, do not hope, just let it be.  some years i wonder if this is the last birthday (i know that's just an awful thought), but i'm being brutally honest.  some years i wonder how it will be to watch her grow older and know that there will be many hard conversations to come over her health and just the stupid side effects that she will navigate for her entire life.  

and yet...

most of the time i find myself in the land of the living ever so thankful for camryn's life.  the life that she daily lives to fullest.  and in those moments i breath deeply...

i breath in those moments to help me through the darker ones...

because the darkness comes.  i'd love to say that where camryn is concerned i just bask in the glory of it all and rest securely in my lord's arms, but sometimes i don't.  and when i don't the darkness feels as though it will swallow me whole.

tonight is one of those moments when i'm striving towards the light of the lord's glory...knowing that He is good.  He always was.is.and will be.

and tonight i'll breath that truth deeply.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

a little bit of simple...

life this weekend has the feel of a slower pace and it is wonderful.

friday was my birthday...another year closer to forty.  yikes!  anyways, the kids had a sleep over at church so jason and i went to dinner and did a little bday shopping.
it was fantastic!
don't get me wrong i adore my kids, but sometimes it is just fabulous to 
shop without the whine and groan as mommy is trying things on. 
and the best part...
sleeping in on saturday morning, awwww...sweet simplicity.

saturday, wyatt had a baseball game...another fun spring tradition.  wyatt is doing well, it's an adjustment playing farm and he's trying to adjust to the speed and playing at a higher level.  he's doing great, and really i could care less if they win or lose...just as long as our boy is having fun.  really, at 6 isn't that what counts? :)
that evening we went to dinner with my family for my birthday...it was great to see my niece who is home from college and just hang out with my family.  then home to watch some college basketball...yep, my family knows me well.

today, well today has been a whole not of nothing and it is perfection.  our pace throughout the week is fairly frantic, we've got lots going on and it is hard at times throughout the week to find a bit of peace.  today's been that sort of day.  laundry is getting done, lots of basketball is being watched, a little almost nine year olds birthday party is being planned, and kids are playing outside...it's a beautiful. wonderful. day.

it's days like this that help me through when i have my not so great days.  the past couple weeks have been hard.  everything is fine, but some of the lasting effects of cancer are rearing their ugly heads and i'm frustrated.  but, it's days like this when the lord gently reminds me that there is much joy to be found...

in the simplicity of it all.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

{eleven}

friday marked our eleventh anniversary.  wow, eleven years.

sometimes i feel like time has flown by...and in other ways i feel like we've walked a thousand miles in a thousand years.

when i stop to consider that only four of those years were marked by being parents of a child with cancer i find it hard to believe.  we have only navigated four years without the realities of leukemia in our hearts and minds.  and yet, we've done big things...we've grown, we've survived, and we're thriving.

i thank the lord that he saw fit to have my true companion on this insanely crazy journey be jason.  at times i wonder how did i get so lucky.  to marry a guy would loves me well, loves our children well, and most of all loves his lord well.  i am thankful for all jason has taught me over our years...how to be more patient, how to look at the glass half full, how not to worry, how to be, and most importantly how to be more like christ.

i'm thankful that jason is my best friend.  honestly, we could watch espn for hours, talking about march madness, the dodgers, lakers, usc football...yep, he knows me well.  i'm thankful that we can sit and watch games, chat through them and be the best of friends.

the thing about eleven that makes me smile is we are here...

thank you lord for holding us close through our years.  for holding us while we walked a journey that is unlike any other.  for challenging us to believe.wait.hope with expectation that you are never finished.

here's to many more years of j&d mikels...

Sunday, March 10, 2013

updates...

it's march!  wow, where is 2013 going??  i thought i'd catch up on some quick updates...

* wyatt started baseball this month.  it's super fun watching wyatt play, in fact it does this momma's heart good to see him out there growing and coming into his own.  wyatt decided that he no longer wanted to play t-ball, so he tried out for farm and made the team.  he is the youngest on his team, and the littlest! :)  but, he holds his own and does great!  he's playing second base, like a certain other mikels (his daddy)...he is wearing #16.  when we went to the meeting wyatt was set on being #5, but another boy chose that number so quickly my momma's mind was racing on a way to salvage this for him. so, i said, "how about #16 like your favorite player?".  he smiled and said "yep, that's good mom!" so he is proudly wearing #16, just like andre either.  wyatt is doing super well in school, he is blossoming in first grade.  he is making lots of friends and doing a lot more on his own, which in some ways makes me sad; but it makes me super happy that our boy is growing up.  our baby is growing and learning and thriving and we couldn't be prouder!

* camryn decided to try out for a speaking part in our church's children's musical...she got the part or rachel and she is super excited!  she goes to practice, which has been a huge blessing as it gives camryn something all her own.  we have really struggled to find camryn something that can be hers and that she is able to do...the musical has been a great blessing!  she is loving it, making friends with the other kids, and doing super!  in fact her teacher said, "she's a natural"...it's fun to see camryn bloom in a way we've never seen.  i probably don't need to tell you that i'll be all tears when she performs as these are moments that we did not know we'd get.  we savor watching her thrive!  school has been more of a challenge this year, who knew third grade was so hard?!  but, she's really doing well...she excels at her book reports and really anything creative she does.  math isn't her favorite, but she hangs in there.  can't say i blame her, math wasn't my favorite either. :)  medically, camryn is doing well.  she goes to the immunologist tomorrow to get some blood work done to begin the phase of treatment to boost camryn's immune system and help it function more fully.  really, all of this is preventative...and a mark that she really is doing fantastic!!  i often times have to remind myself of that when driving to ucla, that all of these things are good signs...we're not fighting leukemia, just it's effects.  i still hate it, but i find great comfort in knowing that she is well enough to walk these journeys now.  i won't lie, the knot in my stomach appears often...but, i have to trust that her heavenly father knows best, better than i do.

* jason is doing well...busy as ever teaching pe and doing really well.  he is helping coach wyatt's team which is a blast for him to be a part of his son's life.  tonight i over heard them talking about playing second and different baseball situations.  jason is proud of his kids, so proud of them...he loves them well.  i couldn't ask for more and when i think of all the countless hours he spent in the hospital with camryn, and home with wyatt...i cannot help but thank my heavenly father that jason is my companion on this journey.  this friday marks our 11 year anniversary...wow, it's been a wild ride, but i am so thankful for the day by day journey with jay.

* i'm surviving school...who knew school law would kick my butt?  seriously, it's so hard; but i'm making it through...only 4 more weeks!  then i'll move on to my final class and then to having my masters degree...come on june!  i'm busy trying to juggle schedules of who is taking who where and all those things.  a friend said to us today at church, "well, you've entered that season...enjoy it for the next 10+ years."  and really, i couldn't be happier.  i told jay as we walked away that i am happy, even if it's busy but it means they are here, healthy, and living this life...and really we couldn't ask for more.  because, quite simply it is enough.

enough...resting in all that jesus has blessed our life with.  knowing that the spring brings renewal and hope...and believing that he is enough.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

happy 5th birthday blake & ethan...

happy birthday sweet boys!

incredibly hard to believe that it's your 5th birthday...thankful that you are a part of our lives, that you have left your tiny fingerprints all over our hearts is something we cherish.

your cousin camryn wore a blake and ethan necklace to school so you would be close to her on your birthday.  she loves you so.  your cousin wyatt wishes you were here to play with and be boys with.  he misses you.

but, above all we are thankful that you are a part of our lives.  we love your family much and we continue to choose joy with them and hope for the day when we will all be together...

we love you...

uncle jason.auntie dana.camryn.wyatt