school days...

We are fully immersed in school days...our family of 4 is on school going bunch! Hard to believe today ended the fourth week of school...we've been in school one month! Oh my goodness, time is flying by that's for sure!

Wyatt is enjoying kindergarten. He is not fond of drop off and the actual going part, but once he is there is liking it a lot! He has come home telling me stories of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Peter Rabbit, and Jack and the Bean Stalk...they are studying fairy tales and doing some super cute activities with each one...going on a hunt all over the campus for Goldilocks, eating carrots with ranch dip and making a super cute rabbit, and making a giant puppet and counting jelly beans. Wyatt is also learning his phonograms and doing well with his weekly memory verses; it is super fun watching him learn and grow. At first he was not fond of nap time, but lately he has been telling me that he is resting (closing his eyes) in fact twice he has been the "super napper". :) He is learning to navigate recess time and making friends. At Back to School night his teacher said that it takes awhile for the kids to find their friends...and for the first week he had lots of tears because he said "he didn't have friends." Talk about breaking his momma's heart! But, true to his teacher's word he is finding his friends...there is lots of talk about recess, lunch, and the funny moments of 5 year olds. He talks often about his buddies R, T, and J...it's fun to watch him make some friends and enjoy a bit of life on his own. On of the highlights throughout my day is getting a peek at Wy during his recess time...the first week he saw me and just waited by the fence watching me while I supervised high school nutrition, and now slowly he is running and playing and I get the occasional wave from the top of the slide. I love these moments of my job...having Wyatt at school with me is a precious gift that I adore!

Camryn is a full-fledged 2nd grader. During the second week of school we hit a bit of a rough spot, Cam was unhappy she was not liking school, and truthfully I think she was just overwhelmed. She likes school, but I think her body was reaching a max for exhaustion. It was a super hot week days over 100+ which doesn't help Cam at all; plus PE had become a much dreaded event. Yes, that made her daddy sad. :) But, the third week was much better and this week was great! Cam is doing really well with school...she is learning her phonograms, it is a hard program to jump into, but she is doing super well with it. She will begin Early Birds twice a week which is an enrichment program to help her work through the two years of phonograms she has missed by coming in at this point. She is doing well with spelling which has been super exciting for her, she feels a great sense of accomplishment by being able to do well. She also got a 4th grade reading buddy who she will read with once a week...she was super excited because her buddy is the big sister of one of her friends in her class! She comes home daily telling me about science and what she has learned...telling me about her senses and taste buds on her tongue. It is amazing watching her be a little sponge and just soak in all the school she can. Camryn is loving her teacher and enjoys the daily activities of school...yes, even PE now. We worked through some issues there...enlisted the help of her teachers and are gently encouraging her to try to be physically active more and more. It is a hard feat for someone who just began really running this summer in therapy...baby steps is our goal in PE. :) Camryn is making friends too...she has made some super sweet friends in S, S, K, A and daily I feel like I hear another name of someone she played with. But, her one sweet friend S who daily goes to the nurse with Cam to get her medicine is a gift! Camryn gets embarrassed by telling her story and having to go take meds during the day, but S is a great added bonus who daily wants to go with Cam...and it is too cute!

All in all school is a gift...it's hard to believe we are starting a 13 year long process, but it is wonderful. A dream come true really...

So, I will savor the moments of homework, lunch packing, papers to fill out, and just everything in between...The Dynamic Duo are embracing the normalcy of life and we love it!!!

back to school...

A few weeks ago we attended Back to School night for the kids...it was a surreal experience. One because I am always the teacher, after 14 years of classroom teaching this was the first year I got to be the parent...it was awesome. Plus, the reality of Camryn & Wyatt being in school is still settling in...at times I really am shocked that our family has arrived at this place.

We ate our tacos and enjoyed the conversation with various parents of kids in our children's classes. It was really fun...especially since a few kids in our kids classes are children of our friends. In fact in Wyatt's class is the little boy of friends of ours from high school...fun to watch our boys go through school together. It is neat to get to know other families, but if I'm honest a bit overwhelming; it's as if the whole world is now our world and after it being so small it is a lot.Camryn wanted me to go to her class and Wyatt wanted Jason to go to his class, so that worked out perfectly.

It was pretty neat to sit at Camryn's desk and look at her things, write her a note, and hear all about the fun of 2nd grade. And it was super special because Camryn's 2nd grade teacher was my 2nd grade teacher...and I loved 2nd grade. It was very special. I know that the Lord's hands are all over this year for Camryn...she is making some very sweet friends and doing well with school. She is feeling a sense of accomplishment which is so amazing to witness. I love seeing the fingerprints of the Lord throughout the moments...from the sweetness of Mrs.B, to the wonderful nature of her PE teacher Mrs.H, to see how much she will learn and grow this year was awesome.

A very cool part of it all like I mentioned is Camryn's teacher was my teacher...how awesome is that?! I have some of my fondest memories in Mrs.B's (well she was Miss J then, she wasn't married yet) class...from the friendships I made, to whale watching, to lice, to chickenpox, to Pac-Man multiplication tables race, to tissue paper trees, to rainbow shirts and wrap-around skirts...yes, second grade was one of my favorite years! And I cannot wait for Camryn to enjoy the person Mrs.B is...she is simply wonderful...and yes, I was smitten with her when I was 7, so I know Camryn will be too!

Jason headed to kindergarten where the chairs are much smaller...it was a crack up watching Jason sit behind Wyatt's desk! Jason heard all about the fun of kindergarten and what a very full day it is...they have busy schedules! Jason was amazed at Mrs.L and just her love for what she does, but also just how amazing of a person she is! He heard about phonograms, reading, field trips, nap time, testing, and just about everything else. I think Jason's mind was in a bit of a whirl when it was all over, but it was priceless watching Jay look at Wyatt's work and smile. He is proud of his boy, so proud of all that Wyatt is learning.

It is a very special treat for Wyatt to have Mrs.L...his cousins Caleb, Josh, and James all had Mrs.L as well. Guess it's something about the boys! :) Wyatt thinks it is very cool to be in the same room Caleb (who is now 25) was in! Plus, I was Mrs.L's TA when I was a 9th grader...I colored many a book, cut tons and tons of patterns, made letters for bulletin boards, and soaked up kindergarten! I have to say Mrs.L has a way that is magical...her room doesn't quite seem like a class room, but more like a little world that she has created and it is just amazing!

When we got home from Back to School Night, Jason looked at me and said, "Thanks for making it possible for them to be at Village." And you know that meant the world to me. It is rough balancing motherhood, full-time teaching, and everything else...but, it is well worth it when I stop to consider just what amazing ladies they have reaching into Camryn & Wyatt's lives each and every day.Blessed beyond measure!

five years old...

Happy Birthday Wyatt!

You are the craziest, funniest, best, most wonderful, precious, sensitive, stubborn, feisty, fun, and just plain special boy ever. We love you big and we love you deep. We cannot believe you are five...I wish we could slow down time a bit. Your first five years have been anything but easy...lots of ups and downs we have endured as a family. But, you...you remind God's ever present reminder that He is with us. He hasn't finished writing our story and you are a constant reminder of how great God's love is for us. We dream, hope, and wish great and big things for you...cannot wait to see where 5 takes you! We love you buddy and bub Love, Daddy, Mommy, and of course your best friend Camryn

first day of school...

A day that I don't think we thought would ever come...the first day of school. Camryn was very excited, thrilled, and just over the moon to get to go to school! She just had to wear her jumper and pick out her navy blue Converse...she looked darling, so grown up. This day has been a long time in coming... In fact when Camryn turned 5 I packed this day away in the "things you cannot dream" category, it was for another day, another time. Honestly, I really had not yet myself fully embrace Camryn going to school, I think in a way I was waiting for something to change. But, nothing changed. We got up, at a yummy breakfast and got our precious girl ready for her big day. I must admit part of what has taken me so long to post this is because I am lacking the words to fully capture the enormity of the moment for all of us.

Our precious girl who has fought through more than any child should ever have to was going to school...for the first time in almost 5 1/2 years she was doing something every other kid does. And that means the world. After watching other kids enjoy the moments of childhood and having to look the other way at times, because it was just too hard to watch and tell yourself "someday". Well, someday came and it was a full day, full of meaning. Camryn has made it...she has reached a benchmark that quite honestly I never knew for certain she would. She is alive. She is healthy. She is well. And to watch her drop her back pack at her classroom and run out on the playground was more than my heart could handle, tears came. That is our little girl...oh the story that the Lord has woven to get her to this moment. Oh the countless number of people who have prayed and prayed for this very moment...and here we are living it. I stopped dreaming, because it hurt too much...and know looking at those big blue eyes soaking in life as a kid in school it feels so good. I really don't know if my heart has ever felt this good since this journey began. Camryn Lee ~ You have taught me more than I will ever teach you. You fight, survive, and love in a way that few people ever will be able too...you do life big and you do life well. I am humbled and honored to be your mom...I love you my best girl and I have never been more proud of you. You fought leukemia and you've won...You've won! I thank the Lord daily for blessing my life with you...your strength runs deeper than most adults and your story has woven throughout many people's lives. You matter and your life holds weight in this world. Learn, grow, and enjoy the journey...you have fought harder than most to get here. Live it, Love it, and beyond all else thank Jesus for doing what he does best...leave us amazed at who He is. You were made for the amazing my sweet girl. Love, Mommy Our baby started kindergarten...his life has always been marked by his sisters and his life has been viewed through the lens of what is okay for her. And now Wyatt has a world all his own. I cannot believe how old he is...I cannot believe I am watching him start a journey that will forever be different. Our boy is growing up...I wish he would slow down a bit. But, why? Wyatt has a world that he needs to explore, learn, and grow in...a world outside the world of leukmia, cancer, and a sick sister. He deserves to step out of that enormous shadow and live too... And so off to kindergarten he went.

He had a bit of a struggle getting settled in...I'll admit it is a bit crazy and chaotic the first day of school and if you know Wyatt well he doesn't do well with either one of those things. Plus, let's be honest Wyatt is shy...it takes a while, a long while for him to come out of his shell and frankly being thrust into school is simply not his deal. But, I held the tears in while he begged Jason and me to not make him do this...

Inasmuch as it was a struggle, it was absolute joy. Wyatt and Camryn were starting a journey together and I think he honestly feels so much more comfortable just knowing Cam is always there. Camryn has always been there and she has been the best friend in Wyatt's little world...and I really think starting school has him nervous, how do I function on my own. I have always felt a bit guilty for Wyatt's early years, so much of them were defined by Camryn's issues...always felt that he was missing out on so much. I have always hated watching Wyatt try to find himself in social situations, feeling like maybe it wouldn't be so hard on him if he had to do it at a young age...but, there is no going back. Wyatt is learning...and Wyatt is going to be okay.

Our baby...is in school, a new chapter is being written just by the fact that we no longer have kids at home. They are big kids, oh they are still little, but they have started a new journey. A journey that I am so thankful they are on...so thankful. When I picked them up after their first day there was a lump in my throat...Wyatt had made it through, he survived and as much as he doesn't want to go back he will and he will blossom and bloom into a kindergartener in no time. Wyatt Jason... How in the world are you ready for kindergarten? I remember vividly the day we heard the news that you were coming and even more the day that you came...how are we ready to start this new journey. You have always been my love letter from Jesus, you have always been his gentle reminder that the story is never over and that he is way ahead of us...that he knows our greatest need before we do. You my precious son have always been a saving grace for your momma's heart. You are shy, timid, and yet full of strength and courage...you live quietly and loud, but more than anything you live. I love you my precious boy...my bubba. You mean the world to me and I am so proud of you for starting school. Enjoy this new journey and I am thankful for each day when you grab my hand and we walk side by side. Thank you for being my love letter, Mommy

meet the teacher night...

This past Thursday was Meet the Teacher Night...it was with great anticipation that this night came. One for this momma who has waited for the day to take a very special little girl to meet her teacher...and now that little girl is in 2nd grade! Two for this same momma who is sending her baby to kindergarten...how in the world did that happen?! Third for this same momma who earns a living teaching 8th grade students the finer points of U.S. History. Yep, all of that rolled into one night!

Here's the bullet list of the night...

* Extreme heat...my children handle heat differently. Camryn does okay, she runs a bit cooler than oh say Wyatt. Wyatt just withers, he cannot handle and he has a sweaty mess the whole evening.

* Hanging out...our family for the first time hung out as a complete family. The last couple years I did not enjoy Meet the Teacher as it was just another reminder that Camryn was sick and that her life was not normal. But, not this year! She looked and acted like any other 2nd grader...it was amazing!

* The prayer circle which is a very cool tradition, to lay the school year at the Lord's feet asking Him to guide us as we "attempt and expect" great things from Him.

* Kindergarten...We headed down to the Kindy building to meet Wyatt's teacher. Wyatt has Mrs.L is year, what a treat! He walked in and found his desk, his cubby, and did the little scavenger hunt Mrs.L had for them. It was darling! I could not believe that our little guy was starting school...yikes! Hard to believe it all...there is just so much of this momma's heart wrapped up in our little guy to see him take this next step of growing up as me a bit teary. I may or may not cry tomorrow the first day of school...I am pretty sure I will. Wyatt is ready with his nap mat, his backpack, lunch box, paint shirt...he is ready. He loves Mrs.L as she has been a friend for a long while and he knows a few friends. In fact he saw his friends R & T from summer school and they were very excited to see him...R is in his class and I'm sure they will be big friends throughout the year.

* Second grade...Camryn walked to Mrs.B's room and was so excited to find her desk and to see that she is sitting by the one little girl she knows in the class K. Mrs. B was my second grade teacher so I know Camryn is in great hands...she'll have so much fun! Camryn checked out her desk, books, papers and enjoyed the entire experience. She is nervous, but so excited! She met a little girl S who is also new and Camryn wants to make sure S is okay and she is hoping that K & S will become her good friends. I probably don't need to say that it is beyond our wildest dreams that Camryn is going to school, real school...I don't think it will fully hit me until tomorrow morning when she walks in her room. I am so proud of her...so excited for her...this is one of the greatest marks for her that she is well and there are not enough words to capture that.

We could not be happier for Camryn & Wyatt...their story is beginning a new chapter and it feels so good and yet so odd all rolled into one. We are so thrilled to be starting something new and different...no longer dictated by hospitals, doctors, and medicines. The air is different and it is a gift beyond measure.

God is good.

He has carried us to this point, and He will continue to. But, the glory for all of this is His.

God is good.

Beyond anything else that is what is rolling through my head and heart...

This journey began almost 5 1/2 years ago and now it is changing...

In His goodness it is changing.

{like} home...

It's Tuesday...

Yep, a clinic visit was on the schedule for today and since Jason and I are both off work we decided to both go with Camryn. Maybe it was the fact that we both needed/wanted to hear the words we are still celebrating..."Camryn can go to real school."

We made it down to clinic in great time, said our usual "hellos" and headed to our usual spot. For some reason today Camryn looked really grown-up to me...maybe it's the fact that the chair the kids sit in to get their vitals used to look huge when Camryn was two and now the chair fits her. It is weird to be traveling the same halls month after month for the past 58 months. While we waited in the eerily quiet clinic, Camryn drew pictures and enjoyed having both her mommy & daddy with her. In a few minutes Dr.B came in to do our initial check-up...everything looked great. We talked about medicines, therapy, immunizations, and school...all conversations that we haven't had in a long time, wait never. A few minutes later Dr.M came in...Camryn's face lit up, like it always has since she was two. Not sure there is a doctor in the world who means as much to a seven-year-old. She loves him.

Dr.M congratulated Camryn on getting to go to school...he said that her immunity cells looked great. In fact she has a large number of helper cells the kind he was hopeful to find...and those are the magic that allow Camryn to go to school. He said they would go down on her tacrolimus and then start working on getting some of the other medicines down in the next few months. We were also given a list of immunizations that are okay for her to begin...this is great news! Not to great for Camryn as she has started the immunization process when she was a baby, again at 4, and now again at 7...yikes! But, we are so thankful...so thankful.

Camryn's appointment went super...the lab draw went great and then we had to wait a little while for her prescription to be filled. So we walked over to the "big" hospital. As we were walking over Camryn said, "I spent a lot of nights in this building...". Yes, you have...almost enough to be home. Not really, but in a way UCLA feels {like} home.

I won't lie I had a knot in my stomach today, guess I was waiting for the shoe to drop, for the doctors to say they'd changed their minds and she could not go to school. I know I should think positive...but, it's hard and it is a battle.

But, I am thankful that the battle happens at a place I know so well...

So after we got home and picked up Wyatt we went shoe shopping for school...yep, it was fantastic.

It's really happening...

And in an odd way there will always be a piece of us at UCLA, no matter how well Camryn gets.

a {real} school girl...

There is an air of anticipation swirling in our house, we've got lots going on...

From the demo to the laying of the foundation of our addition...

A port-a-potty in my driveway...classy, I know!

To a little boy brimming with excitement that school starts August 29th!

To a shy, reserved little girl who doesn't quite know what to do with herself.

I knew the news of last Wednesday would take awhile to settle in, not only on my heart; but more importantly on the little girl who lives the life she does. My heart has ebbed and flowed from joyful tears, to the dam that held back the tears breaking...I had buried in the very depths of my heart the thought of my little girl going to school. Those dreams were buried in 2009 and I made a promise to myself then that I would not allow myself to dig them up; that someone else would have to do the digging.

You see there is a part of this journey through leukemia that just waits...until the moments come again. While we were preparing our little boy to go to kindergarten there was a lot of burying going on...daily in fact. Daily I asked the Lord to give me new dreams and help me let go of the old ones. Daily. As the summer wore on and our little guy got ready I was finding it hard to keep all those buried things in check...remember, Lord I want/need new dreams? I'm sure He is smiling now.

So, when the call came of yes my heart did not know what to do...because, in almost every area of life my great nemesis is fear. What if I allow myself to be happy and excited only to have the dream come crashing down? I cannot do that again. What if I allow Camryn to dream those big dream and have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart if that dream does not come true? Fear, quite frankly stinks. I have lived with it for awhile and if I'm honest battling my way through it.

But, I swallowed hard and grabbed my shovel and dug up the dream...

And you know what? It is as fresh and new as it was the first time...only that much sweeter for having been grown deep in my heart.

We filled out paper work, got official enrollment things done, signed waivers, wrote checks, and today took a step that made it as real as can be...a little girl tested. Camryn walked into the office and was greeted by my second grade teacher, who in my humble opinion was the absolute best. I have the fondest memories of my time spent in room 34, so to see her face made my heart just smile. Mrs.B introduced herself and Camryn timidly went with her...Camryn was nervous, very nervous.

As I sat waiting for Camryn I lost myself in thought as I looked at the trees of the school, the field, the playground...remembering 29 years ago when a little girl roamed these very places. I thanked Jesus for giving us this. All of this. Are we nervous, yes, of course...this is new and scary for all of us. But, it is good and it is sweet.

After the testing we received good news that she did great and warmed up right away...she was a "great problem solver and good reader". My heart smiled...many thanks to Miss F, Mrs.W, and Teacher S...you should be proud of your little student. On the way home Camryn said she is nervous for real school as she has never done this...I guess at 7 it isn't the separation anxiety, it is just the social anxiety. She is worried about making friends, knowing what to do, and finding the right place for herself...a lot for a little heart to carry.

Later this afternoon we went and picked up a few uniform pieces...And as that sweet little girl was trying on her school uniform she looked in the mirror and said, "Wow, mom I am a real school girl" with the biggest smile ever.

I imagine as big as my smile was it pales in comparison to Jesus' as I'm sure He was saying...

"Yes, you are my sweet girl. Yes, you are."