whew...one long day.

Looking at Camryn's schedule today on paper would make you tired...actually doing it, well it was exhausting.

Camryn started the day with a dentist appointment and did great. Dr.S was very pleased with how her teeth looked and encouraged her to keep brushing and taking care of them. Camryn was proud to show Dr.S her missing tooth...he smiled and encouraged her that she was doing well. No cavities...no problems, Camryn did super!

We headed home with some play time with Wyatt as our day was very full. Camryn and Wyatt played and enjoyed their morning together...we went outside and played for awhile which was nice. We enjoyed our time together. Our friends Cassie and Carson came over with lunch and it was so nice to have their company...thanks for visiting!

Wyatt went to Grandma Mikels to hang out while Camryn and I headed to clinic and the other appointments. We hit some traffic and realized that going in the afternoon isn't nearly as easy as the mornings.

We got upstairs to the procedure area for Cam's extensive blood draw and let me say, I've never seen a lab sheet more filled out. Wow, they weren't kidding when they said extensive blood work. Like a pro Camryn did what she needed to and we finished up. Of course Camryn was glad to see Allison and Nurse Charlotte for a bit...always a treat for her.

Next on the list was the auditory exam...wow, this was much more involved than I imagined. Camryn did great and was complimented for being a well-behaved, polite, bright little girl. She listened and followed directions well...all in all it went well and the doctor was pleased. I did learn today that some chemotherapy and radiation can cause high frequency hearing loss...so we'll be following up with the auditory clinic after transplant. Thankful all is well today.

We were running late and I was praying we would make it to the Heart Clinic for Camryn's Echo in time...we got to the desk and thankfully, it was okay. The sweetest lady did Camryn's Echo and it went super. Camryn did great laying there still although she was getting very tired, but who could blame her?

Thankfully she made it through...Wyatt enjoyed his day. Wyatt has a blast with his Grandma and Riley; so thankful that he had a great day. Hard to juggle all of it, but thankful that today is over.

Hopeful for a restful weekend!

"official results"

Get ready to be amazed...

Camryn's official pathology report (aka fish test) shows her leukemia cell percentage at...

1.3%

Amazing isn't it? We think so.

From 32% to 16% to 1.3%...guess that arsenic trioxide stuff really works!

We are just praising the Lord for His immense care of Camryn throughout her two rounds of arsenic as it is pretty intense medicine. We are thankful her heart held up well and she showed no other side-effects...immensely thankful!

Tomorrow now is officially a very busy, full day. Camryn and I will head to the dentist in the morning for an exam, as she needs a dentist to sign off before transplant. Then in the afternoon we'll head to clinic for an extensive blood work up before transplant, then upstairs for an auditory screening as Camryn's hearing has to be cleared before transplant. And then we'll wrap up the day with an Echo as this needs to be done before transplant as well. Whew...it will be a long day.

Then we'll enjoy our weekend!

Thank you for praying...thank you for the sweet encouraging comments praising the Lord for His amazing work.

Sometimes words fail me...but, we are continually praising Him for his continued presence in Camryn's care from the littlest of things to the biggest of things.

And yes 1.3% is a BIG thing...

Thank you Lord...thank you.

amazed...

Today as we waited to hear the news from Camryn's doctors as to whether she would be admitted in May or June for transplant, I was praying that whatever outcome would be best for Camryn would come. That if she needed another round of arsenic then that was okay...if she needed that to have better odds so to speak then that was okay. After all, we've learned to take whatever comes day by day.

Well...

Camryn's doctors called and it looks like her leukemia cells percentage is at 1% or lower! Can I say AMAZING? We were hoping for somewhere around 5%...so to hear that it could possibly be at 1% is just awesome. Camryn's doctor called and asked Jason if he was sitting down...because the news was so good!

These results are not official as the pathology reports are not completely ready, we should find out those reports tomorrow. But, on looking and talking with the pathologists the doctors feel the news is really good.

We are excited...in a way that is not all that exciting. This means that Camryn will be admitted on Monday, May 18th; start her radiation treatment on May 19th and then transplant would be May 28th. It's hard to be excited, but we are very thankful to get the process started to get Camryn well.

Honestly, I really don't think we ever thought we'd hear that her percentages were that low...we really had prepared ourselves for hearing that Camryn would need one more round of arsenic. Now, we shift gears...we've got a week and a half.

There are a long list of things running through my mind now...we have a date, a definite path, we have a plan. So we begin to prepare...

Today as I was waiting and trying not to let my anxious thoughts to get the best of me I cleaned out Wyatt's dresser and used my label maker to label where his clothes are and such...after that I hit Camryn's closet. Yes, I was a mother possessed. I had to work out my anxiety or it just might have gotten me. Luckily our niece Riley came over to play with Camryn & Wyatt so that was also a very nice distraction.

My heart was heavy just thinking of what's to come, but you know what...there is no way to anticipate all of it, there is too much. We'll take it one day at a time...

For now we go on Friday for some preliminary tests for transplant and then next Tuesday Wyatt will come to clinic with Camryn to do his part.

Please be praying for our family as we begin to work out schedules and plans for the next few months. I won't lie it will not be easy for us to juggle Camryn's care and Wyatt's care, but the Lord knows...He carries Camryn through and He carries Wyatt through. Please pray that as we enjoy our days at home we cherish them...we hold on to the time we have and not be overwhelmed by emotions.

Thank you for walking this journey with us...

One of my prayers throughout Camryn's first journey with leukemia was that the Lord would leave us amazed at who He is...that there would be no question as to who gets the glory. Well, today...

He left us amazed with percentages that can only come from Him through unlikely medicines...

All Glory To Him.

quick update...

Thank you for the many who left comments, emailed and text me today...your thoughts and prayers are appreciated greatly. Camryn did great with her aspiration and biopsy. We had a long day of clinic and then procedure, but all in all it went well.

We wait until tomorrow for results, but it seems like the doctors are leaning for a May admitting and transplant. So we will see what tomorrow holds...I promise to update!

But, I thought I'd leave you with the comforting words of Dr. Joe today before Camryn's aspiration..."We're gonna get it this time...She did so well last time, she'll do great again...We're gonna get it this time."

Praying we do!

a whole new step

Today Jason and I were about as proud of Camryn as we have ever been...she left us incredibly proud and amazed.

We met with Camryn's new radiation team...yes, this is a whole new step for us. Radiation was never part of Camryn's protocol before, but now it is. I won't lie I was anxious about everything...just starting a new phase and trying to keep my emotions in check so as to not scare Camryn. I learned long ago that Camryn responds off of mine and Jason's emotions; so we both tried to think positive and assure Camryn.

We arrived at the radiology clinic and checked in at that point they asked if Camryn was NPO (basically if she'd eaten anything) I said no. I racked my brain to try to remember if when they called to confirm they had told me to keep her from eating...they had not so that didn't start the morning off to well. I did not realize that Camryn would have to be sedated for the consult...I was nervous. After we talked with the doctors my nervousness was lessened as they thought maybe at 5 Camryn could lay absolutely still for the CT scan they needed in order to prepare her radiation dosages.

The doctors talked about the immediate side effects...vomiting, nausea, fatigue. Really the normal list that comes from chemotherapy and such...this wasn't too overwhelming. The doctors assured us that Camryn could have anti-nausea medicine in order to help her through. They discussed the procedures for radiation as an in-patient as Camryn will not start her radiation until she is admitted to prepare for her transplant. The purpose of the radiation is to kill any remaining leukemia cells and also to prepare Camryn's marrow to receive Wyatt's marrow. All of this makes sense to us clearly...we get it...

But, that doesn't take a way the hurts of the long-term effects. It's in the long-term effects that I find myself in tears...considering outcomes and explanations that will given one day to Camryn just absolutely breaks my heart. As a mother I feel so completely helpless...I want to save her from potential heartache and I can't. So today as the doctors discussed long-term effects with us my eyes filled with tears...but, I had to do what I've done so many times before. Trust. Simply trust that this path is not a surprise, nor is it new to the Lord...He is carrying Camryn as He is carrying us...He is holding us through and He will be there 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now when we have to explain to our precious baby girl why...

After the talking and listening we went to the CT scan...we explained to Camryn that if she could lay still she would not have to have the medicine that puts her to sleep. Camryn clearly did not want to be put to sleep so she quite confidently says, "I can do it."

And do it she did...

Camryn laid perfectly still for her CT scan and did not once seem afraid. She did everything the doctors and techs asked of her...Jason and I stood by watching amazed at this little girl...amazed at who she has become through all of this.

When we began this journey Camryn was not even two yet...and now she is five. She understands so much more...in fact today as the doctors were talking she crawled up in my lap, covered her face with her blanket and just shook in fear. She was scared...but her fears do not immobilize her. Camryn was going to do what she needed too, even if she was scared. Camryn has an indescribable trust...and in fact we walked away and I couldn't help but be amazed at the grace her Heavenly Father lavished on her today.

As we got off the elevator there were our friends J and D and we all chatted as we walked out...as we were walking I heard a lady very loudly say, "Look at that little boy...isn't it sad he has cancer." Mine and J's eyes met and we smiled...yes it is sad, but do you have to make a scene? And yet the ironic thing is that the little girl running in front of D chatting up a storm...yes, she has cancer too.

No one would ever guess...no one would ever know...

But we do, we know that there is a whole new step awaiting Camryn and while it inches ever closer we wait...

Tomorrow will be a full day with a clinic visit and aspiration...please be praying for tomorrow. Camryn will be sedated which is always a bit nerve-racking for us, but we trust...

Trust that even though this is a whole new step it's not new to our Father...

He knows, He cares, He loves, He holds...He is. He is everything we need Him to be...

Trusting that tomorrow...and the days after.

trusting...

There is so much flooding my mind from this weekend...had some really rough moments and some really good moments. I realized that truly some day are easier than others...and I would like to be able to choose which days are easy, but I don't get to. I wish I did...

Saturday morning as the kids were snuggled up on a Saturday morning with Jason and I in bed Camryn looks at me and says, "Mommy I love you for taking me to the doctor. You're my best friend."

As I sat there and just watched Camryn and Wyatt I realized that I am incredibly blessed...yes, even now. I know sometimes I feel like I am so weary and that the next steps will be too difficult that we won't be able to survive them. I know sometimes wonder why? I know that is a needless question as there is no clear answers...but, I wonder nonetheless.

Honestly, walking this road again is hard. Yes, there are pros and cons for knowing what's coming. On one hand knowing makes it a little easier to understand and anticipate. On the other hand knowing makes it hard, very hard. We know what's coming ahead...we know there will be long days, incredibly long days.

And yet I know that my Lord loves me deeply, holds me tightly and listens to my aching heart. He will be with us every step of the way...He will lavish His grace upon us. He will hold us in the midst of the storm as it is a storm...there is an end. Even if the end feels so very far away.

Tomorrow we meet with the radiation doctors...please pray. Both mine and Jason's hearts are heavy as we step into a new part of this journey.

Knowing that we are held...trusting and holding tight to that.

it's official...

Camryn has lost her first tooth!

Jason and I had decided that we would really work on getting her tooth out this weekend...lots of pep talks, lots.

This morning Camryn's tooth was really loose and I was trying to encourage her to wiggle it. True to Camryn's form she says, "Mommy, I can't loose my tooth yet, I don't have a tooth fairy pillow." Do you know it's not easy to come by a tooth fairy pillow on a moment's notice? Knowing that my mom saves everything and I mean everything I knew she'd have my tooth fairy pillow as it was given to me by my Grammy. So, we called Grandma and Grandma did what Grandmas do best...saved the day.

My mom brought my little red tooth fairy pillow over today and Camryn was beyond thrilled...step one accomplished, now for her tooth.

Well, tonight she was scared...in fact as I was talking with Camryn about how brave she is she said through tears, "but, Mommy I've never done this before." Isn't that amazing...this little girl has endured more than any 5 year old I know and yet she is still fragile and timid. She is still just 5.

Jason being the most amazing Daddy in the world took her in the bathroom and they had some cute Daddy and his little girl time. He was the sweetest, encouraging her to wiggle her tooth and be brave. All of the sudden they both are yelling for me and Wyatt to come see...and there Camryn was with a little toothless grin.

We all cheered and she got the biggest smile on her face. A smile that we cherish...

So, tonight while you are sleeping the tooth fairy will visit our house and make a little girl a believer in all those fairy tales of childhood. And I'm thankful she's here to live those dreams...grateful for another day.